I'm an ugly person and getting a date is proving impossible.

[katrina1980]

It's essentially your "vibe."

 

Have you not sensed when someone projects a bad/negative vibe?

 

It's usually nothing tangible, but it can be. You can sense it, feel it.

 

You can't put your finger on why, but you get an uncomfortable feeling when around them.

 

I am very sensitive to the energy and vibes we project, and will distance myself from such person.

 

I suppose some are more in tune w it than others, but that's what energy is..

 

The short version anyway.

 

You feel ugly, you have zero confidence, believe you will fail -- this is all reflected in the vibe you project to others, which will result in exactly what you believe about yourself and fear the most, getting rejected.

 

It's a vicious cycle.

[Kantriakhor]

So it projects whether it’s hidden or not? That’s troublsome.

[katrina1980]

So it projects whether it’s hidden or not? That’s troublsome.

 

You can't hide it, cause it's nothing tangible.

 

May I suggest a book to read, to understand it better? It was the first book I read about it.

 

"The Power of Positive Thinking."

 

Start with that, there are many others; they detail how our vibe/energy/attitude can either work for us or against us.

 

Unfortunately yours is working very much against you, but you can change it.

[Betterwithout]

So it projects whether it’s hidden or not? That’s troublsome.

 

Absolutely. Women especially can sniff out the slightest bit of insecurity miles away. Even on total strangers walking into a room. It's a real gift they have.

That is why the expression "you can only love someone else, if you love yourself first" holds true. There is no way to fake it until you make it on this one.

 

So fix you first through therapy (note: try a different therapist/office/gender) This doesn't happen overnight.

THEN work on your dating scene.

[katrina1980]

Reading helps too. I've learned most of what I know today from reading.. And experience of course too.

 

Not fluff "self-help" books although some are okay.

 

But good books written by reputable authors experienced in the fields of science, psychology, human nature, interpersonal relationships.

[figureitout23]

You aren’t foing to get over thins by thinking differently.

 

I’m sure if you wanted to you would.

 

Your issues are admittedly very deep.

 

But I will say i think you need to try to be more open to therapy, even when it gets hard or makes you uneasy, you have to do it.

 

If even your therapist is having trouble getting you so do hard emotional work strangers on the internet aren’t gonna do any better, that’s just the tough reality.

[katrina1980]

Kantriak, I agree your issues run far deeper than simply changing your thoughts, and therapy is the best course of action for you right now w/r/t that.

 

But in addition to that, I do recommend reading some good books, including the one I mentioned earlier.

 

If you, or anyone is interested, here is a short excerpt from it, which may give you a better sense of how your energy (both positive and negative) projects outward to others and how it can work either against you or for you.

 

-----------------

 

Most of us are under the impression that opposites attract. And although this may be true for magnets and couples in bad romances, when it comes to the spirit, the opposite is true: like attracts like.

 

In its simplest form, this means that if you learn to harness the power of positive thoughts, you’ll attract more positive circumstances.

 

However, if you’re negative, you’ll attract more negativity and pain.

 

At first glance, you might think this describes Karma but in fact the two concepts are very different.

 

With Karma, it is believed that if you do “good,” you will be rewarded; if you do “bad,” you will be punished.

With the law of attraction, though, blessings are entirely up to you.

Think positively and you will call positive things to you.

 

If you have a cynical, insecure, or pessimistic worldview, your negativity will be a self-inflicted, self-fulfilling prophecy.

Like attracts like.

 

Humans have a predisposition to negativity. We pay far more attention to dark emotions like anger, sadness, pain, and disappointment than we do to great feelings like joy, gratitude, and contentment.

 

It makes sense when you think about how bad news stays with us, but good news tends to expire.

 

A picture of a cute puppy in the morning will be long forgotten by the afternoon, but a violent crime far away can haunt us for years.

Believe it or not, there is science behind this…

 

Neuroplasticity is an interesting occurrence in which our brains change, shape, and form, depending on our circumstances.

 

What’s even more intriguing is that if thoughts are repetitive, our brain will connect synapses that weren’t previously stimulated to associate those thoughts with other behaviors and turn them into habits.

 

For example, if you hate your job and you work in a coffee shop, over time you will find that you despise the smell of coffee. In actuality, you don’t — but your brain has decided that since you are constantly upset when surrounded by the smell of a fresh brew, the brew itself must be the problem.

 

In this case, your neurons that light up by the smell of coffee will connect with the neurons that light up when you are depressed. From then onward, the smell of coffee will dampen your spirits.

 

With this information comes the harsh lesson that when we are sad, suffering, or in emotional pain, it’s because we choose to be.

Negativity is addictive, even though positivity is so much nicer to feel.

We spend too little time appreciating our joy and being happy. We tend to believe that thinking positively and being happy is not a habit — rather, it’s a celebration.

 

Pain, also, is something we have trained ourselves to feel. Our addiction to it, as with everything else, can be conquered, and it is truly as simple as making the choice to be happy instead.

Choice Heals All Wounds

________________________________________

Although the concept of choosing to be happy is in itself a simple decision to make, executing it will require some focus and dedication.

You will have to rewire your brain with the power of positive thinking before you can truly heal.

Here is a powerful video by the “modern-day Yoda,” Dr. Srikumar Rao, on how to rewire your mind for happiness and success:

Fear not, doing so will be easy — as long as you commit to it.

You can learn to leverage this power of positive thinking and thus, be able to heal yourself and train your mind for happiness, by following some of these simple tips below.

 

6 Tips To Train Your Mind For Positive Thoughts

________________________________________

1. Meditate

Meditating might just be the best way to clear negativity from your life and bring about emotional and spiritual recovery.

Meditation rejuvenates the mind, makes us more resilient, and rids the body of harmful chemicals that cause stress and anxiety; it centers us.

Think of it this way: if your mind is wired to be miserable, meditation would be the reset button that allows you to unplug, switch off, and tune out. Then, you can easily learn, through meditation, to turn your brain back on and tune into positive thinking frequencies.

Meditate often enough and a lot of damage will be undone, leaving you with a clean slate which you can then paint with your own colors — the colors of happiness, of course!

 

2. Be Thankful

Innumerable studies have proven that gratitude makes us happier.

It floods our brains with dopamine, the one chemical that has the potential to drown out the negative thoughts and anxious feelings we too often carry throughout the day.

Gratitude invokes the law of attraction. Remember, like attracts like. If you make an effort to be grateful, you will find that you will be blessed with more things to be grateful for.

A fantastic way to consciously practice gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. Every night before you to go to sleep, list everything you were grateful for throughout the day. Over time, you will see your lists become much longer!

Having a gratitude attitude is really using the power of positive thinking to it’s highest degree.

 

3. Be Kind

Just like with gratitude, kindness has also been proven to make us happier and less stressed.

Studies have also proven, time and time again, that kindness is contagious. If someone is kind to you, you will be inspired to pay it forward, and the person who receives your kindness will feel the same, so on and so forth.

Kindness also inspires gratitude and makes us more inclined to be grateful, so if you are truly struggling with positive thinking and finding something to be thankful for, do a good deed for someone else — you will notice immediately how great it makes you feel.

 

4. Take Time for Yourself

Part of the reason why it’s so easy for us to be miserable is that we place more importance on empty things than we do on the wellbeing of our souls.

Using the example of your job again, if it makes you unhappy, what are you doing to combat that negativity?

Are you setting time aside to focus on your hobbies and passions, or are you vegetating in front of the TV during your downtime?

We often forget that if we have the energy and willpower to slave away for eight or so hours a day with little reward outside of financial gain, we could easily spend an hour or two a day doing what we actually enjoy.

 

Again, remember the law of attraction — like attracts like.

 

If you hate your job, but all you ever do in your waking hours is work, you will be unhappy.

However, if you designate certain days or times just for pure pleasure, you will begin to look forward to those moments rather than dread everything else.

You must decide to take care of yourself spiritually because no one else can.

 

5. Stress Less

Imagine stress as fire, and all other negative and unhealthy conditions such as sadness, anger, sleeplessness, depression, anxiety, and addiction as the smoke.

Extinguish the flames and the smoke will dissipate. Fan the flames, and the smoke will thicken.

Stress is usually the sole cause of everything that goes wrong in our lives, and as with emotional distress, it is usually self-inflicted.

If you work too hard, you will be unhealthy: sleep too little, you will be exhausted: neglect your family or friends, you will feel lonely.

So why not rid yourself of most negativity by just choosing to relax?

Drink plenty of water, eat balanced meals, exercise, meditate, and enforce a rigid sleep routine on yourself. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, and follow the previous advice of taking time for yourself.

When stress leaves your body, your cells regenerate more efficiently. Less stress is literally more healing.

 

6. Talk Yourself Up

Be your biggest fan!

Tell yourself at least once a day that you are beautiful, talented, or just plain awesome. Do this for a while and you will come to believe it.

Pep talks work — they motivate, inspire, and uplift.

There is no reason why you can’t perform pep talks for yourself. You don’t have to exaggerate or lie to yourself, but the simplest way to do this is to view the glass as half-full.

For example, the next time something goes wrong, instead of telling yourself “This is bad,” instead affirm, “I can handle this” or “I will be okay.”

Laugh in the face of sadness (even if it’s forced) and more laughter will follow.

What you tell yourself, you will believe. So be kind.

 

END OF EXCERPT.

 

But yeah as fio and others have said, including myself, you need intensive therapy, to heal from the deep deep wounds from painful past experiences that clearly still remain with you and are preventing you from moving forward in a positive way.

[Kantriakhor]

Absolutely. Women especially can sniff out the slightest bit of insecurity miles away. Even on total strangers walking into a room. It's a real gift they have.

That is why the expression "you can only love someone else, if you love yourself first" holds true. There is no way to fake it until you make it on this one.

 

So fix you first through therapy (note: try a different therapist/office/gender) This doesn't happen overnight.

THEN work on your dating scene.

 

I probably should. I suppose I fall into the trap of looking how much time has already passed and how much of an uphill it’ll be even if I woke up tomorrow free as a bird. Then add in the having sexual contact after over a decade and I guess I become despondent. It feels like more punishment I guess.

[figureitout23]

I probably should. I suppose I fall into the trap of looking how much time has already passed and how much of an uphill it’ll be even if I woke up tomorrow free as a bird. Then add in the having sexual contact after over a decade and I guess I become despondent. It feels like more punishment I guess.

 

Yes we’ve seen this reasoning half a dozen times now you are making it abundantly clear that is where you are choosing to put your focus. I as well as many others have also pointed out multiple times now that even if it’s not purposeful you are focusing on what you can’t change because it gives you an out and an ability to not focus on what you can.

 

I admit I could’ve missed it so if I did I apologize but I don’t believe you’ve answered my question that I’ve asked like three times now you’ve you’ve already named multiple times which you cannot change can you give me one example of something that you can change to improve your life today just one simple basic thing what do you think you can do

[figureitout23]

The bold Kat wrote is so very true. It’s a tactic my therapist taught me, too.

 

I know you said your friends tell you it’ll just happen and you’re right it won’t and thinking positively alone will not fix anything but it’s like putting on primer before you paint, it’s a necessary step.

[Kantriakhor]

Yes we’ve seen this reasoning half a dozen times now you are making it abundantly clear that is where you are choosing to put your focus. I as well as many others have also pointed out multiple times now that even if it’s not purposeful you are focusing on what you can’t change because it gives you an out and an ability to not focus on what you can.

 

I admit I could’ve missed it so if I did I apologize but I don’t believe you’ve answered my question that I’ve asked like three times now you’ve you’ve already named multiple times which you cannot change can you give me one example of something that you can change to improve your life today just one simple basic thing what do you think you can do

 

You mean spin class to hopefully help me be less unattractive?

[Kantriakhor]

The bold Kat wrote is so very true. It’s a tactic my therapist taught me, too.

 

I know you said your friends tell you it’ll just happen and you’re right it won’t and thinking positively alone will not fix anything but it’s like putting on primer before you paint, it’s a necessary step.

 

I can try that, I’m that sense, even if it doesn’t make sense to me fully.

[figureitout23]

You mean spin class to hopefully help me be less unattractive?

 

Does it make you feel more attractive? If so then yes.

 

I can try that, I’m that sense, even if it doesn’t make sense to me fully.

 

I can try to clarify, what doesn’t make sense?

[Kantriakhor]

I have trouble believing in intangible things like vibes. I guess it’s a lack of faith.

[mustlovedogs]

I have trouble believing in intangible things like vibes. I guess it’s a lack of faith.

 

Have you ever been around someone and noticed your mood changed while you were with them?

[figureitout23]

I have trouble believing in intangible things like vibes. I guess it’s a lack of faith.

 

I didn’t mention vibes that was another poster.

 

I recognize you don’t do so well with ideals which is why your friends attempts to cheer you up was not only taken literally but used to further your negative thoughts. You probably do best with literal things because you can’t well...weasel out of them with your negative thought.

 

What I was stating is that although I recognize ‘vibes’ isn’t your thing, I agreed with the poster that avoiding negative thoughts is a very real and tangible action you can realistically accomplish, if you choose to, that’s really the crux though, you deciding and commiting yourself to improving your situation. That’s the hard work that only you can accomplish. We can give you tips and advice and pep talk for you to negate till the cows come how, at the end of the day it’s simply going on circles. Until you decide you want better for yourself you will choose to stay stuck.

 

To be blunt clearly being horny is making you grumpy but it isn’t enough discomfort for you to change. You can keep using message boards to get out your negative thoughts you can hop from therapist to therapist it’s going in circles, eventually you’ll get sick of it all, it’s not too late now but you have to want it enough to get uncomfortable and I don’t think you’re there yet. The again I’m not a therapist so take my words with a grain of salt.

[abitbroken]

I didn’t mention vibes that was another poster.

 

I recognize you don’t do so well with ideals which is why your friends attempts to cheer you up was not only taken literally but used to further your negative thoughts. You probably do best with literal things because you can’t well...weasel out of them with your negative thought.

 

What I was stating is that although I recognize ‘vibes’ isn’t your thing, I agreed with the poster that avoiding negative thoughts is a very real and tangible action you can realistically accomplish, if you choose to, that’s really the crux though, you deciding and commiting yourself to improving your situation. That’s the hard work that only you can accomplish. We can give you tips and advice and pep talk for you to negate till the cows come how, at the end of the day it’s simply going on circles. Until you decide you want better for yourself you will choose to stay stuck.

 

To be blunt clearly being horny is making you grumpy but it isn’t enough discomfort for you to change. You can keep using message boards to get out your negative thoughts you can hop from therapist to therapist it’s going in circles, eventually you’ll get sick of it all, it’s not too late now but you have to want it enough to get uncomfortable and I don’t think you’re there yet. The again I’m not a therapist so take my words with a grain of salt.

 

Body language and demeanor give off a "vibe" == very closed body language, eyes darting around and looking at the ground, a sulky expression, a posture that implies you want to be invisible etc, all give off the impression that you don't want anyone near you -- and people lose their smile when they walk up to you. When someone has open body language, a pleasant facial expression if they are not smiling, etc, it illicits a different response from people

[Kantriakhor]

Have you ever been around someone and noticed your mood changed while you were with them?

 

Usually if they’re demonstrating with body language or expressions, my line of work can be tedious and high stress so people getting frustrated and boiling over happens.

[Kantriakhor]

I didn’t mention vibes that was another poster.

 

I recognize you don’t do so well with ideals which is why your friends attempts to cheer you up was not only taken literally but used to further your negative thoughts. You probably do best with literal things because you can’t well...weasel out of them with your negative thought.

 

What I was stating is that although I recognize ‘vibes’ isn’t your thing, I agreed with the poster that avoiding negative thoughts is a very real and tangible action you can realistically accomplish, if you choose to, that’s really the crux though, you deciding and commiting yourself to improving your situation. That’s the hard work that only you can accomplish. We can give you tips and advice and pep talk for you to negate till the cows come how, at the end of the day it’s simply going on circles. Until you decide you want better for yourself you will choose to stay stuck.

 

To be blunt clearly being horny is making you grumpy but it isn’t enough discomfort for you to change. You can keep using message boards to get out your negative thoughts you can hop from therapist to therapist it’s going in circles, eventually you’ll get sick of it all, it’s not too late now but you have to want it enough to get uncomfortable and I don’t think you’re there yet. The again I’m not a therapist so take my words with a grain of salt.

I’m not sure about the arousal part (that stuff’s been sorta locked away for 11 ish years now ) but I would like to change rather than continue spinning my wheels

[mustlovedogs]

Usually if they’re demonstrating with body language or expressions, my line of work can be tedious and high stress so people getting frustrated and boiling over happens.

 

So... that’s a vibe...

 

They don’t TELL you anything. You detect it.

[Kantriakhor]

So... that’s a vibe...

 

They don’t TELL you anything. You detect it.

 

I understand the body language stuff, it’s the extra sensory things I have trouble grasping

[figureitout23]

Body language and demeanor give off a "vibe" == very closed body language, eyes darting around and looking at the ground, a sulky expression, a posture that implies you want to be invisible etc, all give off the impression that you don't want anyone near you -- and people lose their smile when they walk up to you. When someone has open body language, a pleasant facial expression if they are not smiling, etc, it illicits a different response from people

 

So the beauty of the English language to me is interpretation, your interpretation, my interpretation, Michael Jackson’s interpretation, doesn’t matter if it didn’t resonate with the OPer and that’s ok! Just means another route may work better.

 

The idea that you can just completely change who you are requires a certain level of mental health to me.

 

Fake it til you make it, is an idea, that I’ve uses myself, but it’s not realistic for everyone and can actually be considered patronizing in some situatuons.

 

Do you tell an anorexic, oh just eat until you no longer fear food.

 

Of course not.

 

Do you tell a depressed person, oh just smile until those sad feelings go away.

 

Of course not.

 

The OPer directly or indirectly is saying he feels ugly. I didn’t see the picture but according to Kat he was actually a decent looking man. You could tell him that until your gums bleed, because of trauma he doesn’t see it, you can’t fake seeing it, he legitimately does not see it.

 

Just like an anorexic person doesn’t see thin, and a depressed person does see the sun.

 

It’s not resonating with him, tangible things seem to though. So baby step, changing one negative thought a day... that’s doable if he wants to.

 

What I’m trying to say is you don’t tell an unhealthy person who wants to be healthy to climb Kilimanjaro...you can motivate them in ways they can comprehend and actually do. Walk around your neighborhood.

 

Hope that clears up what my response meant...

[figureitout23]

I’m not sure about the arousal part (that stuff’s been sorta locked away for 11 ish years now ) but I would like to change rather than continue spinning my wheels

 

Awesome!

 

Let’s start there then.

 

Tomorrow can you turn one negative thought positive?

 

Like when you start to feel a negative thought think of maybe a happy memory? Or redirect yourself like think about plans you have, some you’re looking forward to etc.

[Kantriakhor]

Awesome!

 

Let’s start there then.

 

Tomorrow can you turn one negative thought positive?

 

Like when you start to feel a negative thought think of maybe a happy memory? Or redirect yourself like think about plans you have, some you’re looking forward to etc.

Yeah, I can manage that

[Kantriakhor]

Kantriak, I agree your issues run far deeper than simply changing your thoughts, and therapy is the best course of action for you right now w/r/t that.

 

But in addition to that, I do recommend reading some good books, including the one I mentioned earlier.

 

If you, or anyone is interested, here is a short excerpt from it, which may give you a better sense of how your energy (both positive and negative) projects outward to others and how it can work either against you or for you.

 

-----------------

 

Most of us are under the impression that opposites attract. And although this may be true for magnets and couples in bad romances, when it comes to the spirit, the opposite is true: like attracts like.

 

In its simplest form, this means that if you learn to harness the power of positive thoughts, you’ll attract more positive circumstances.

 

However, if you’re negative, you’ll attract more negativity and pain.

 

At first glance, you might think this describes Karma but in fact the two concepts are very different.

 

With Karma, it is believed that if you do “good,” you will be rewarded; if you do “bad,” you will be punished.

With the law of attraction, though, blessings are entirely up to you.

Think positively and you will call positive things to you.

 

If you have a cynical, insecure, or pessimistic worldview, your negativity will be a self-inflicted, self-fulfilling prophecy.

Like attracts like.

 

Humans have a predisposition to negativity. We pay far more attention to dark emotions like anger, sadness, pain, and disappointment than we do to great feelings like joy, gratitude, and contentment.

 

It makes sense when you think about how bad news stays with us, but good news tends to expire.

 

A picture of a cute puppy in the morning will be long forgotten by the afternoon, but a violent crime far away can haunt us for years.

Believe it or not, there is science behind this…

 

Neuroplasticity is an interesting occurrence in which our brains change, shape, and form, depending on our circumstances.

 

What’s even more intriguing is that if thoughts are repetitive, our brain will connect synapses that weren’t previously stimulated to associate those thoughts with other behaviors and turn them into habits.

 

For example, if you hate your job and you work in a coffee shop, over time you will find that you despise the smell of coffee. In actuality, you don’t — but your brain has decided that since you are constantly upset when surrounded by the smell of a fresh brew, the brew itself must be the problem.

 

In this case, your neurons that light up by the smell of coffee will connect with the neurons that light up when you are depressed. From then onward, the smell of coffee will dampen your spirits.

 

With this information comes the harsh lesson that when we are sad, suffering, or in emotional pain, it’s because we choose to be.

Negativity is addictive, even though positivity is so much nicer to feel.

We spend too little time appreciating our joy and being happy. We tend to believe that thinking positively and being happy is not a habit — rather, it’s a celebration.

 

Pain, also, is something we have trained ourselves to feel. Our addiction to it, as with everything else, can be conquered, and it is truly as simple as making the choice to be happy instead.

Choice Heals All Wounds

________________________________________

Although the concept of choosing to be happy is in itself a simple decision to make, executing it will require some focus and dedication.

You will have to rewire your brain with the power of positive thinking before you can truly heal.

Here is a powerful video by the “modern-day Yoda,” Dr. Srikumar Rao, on how to rewire your mind for happiness and success:

Fear not, doing so will be easy — as long as you commit to it.

You can learn to leverage this power of positive thinking and thus, be able to heal yourself and train your mind for happiness, by following some of these simple tips below.

 

6 Tips To Train Your Mind For Positive Thoughts

________________________________________

1. Meditate

Meditating might just be the best way to clear negativity from your life and bring about emotional and spiritual recovery.

Meditation rejuvenates the mind, makes us more resilient, and rids the body of harmful chemicals that cause stress and anxiety; it centers us.

Think of it this way: if your mind is wired to be miserable, meditation would be the reset button that allows you to unplug, switch off, and tune out. Then, you can easily learn, through meditation, to turn your brain back on and tune into positive thinking frequencies.

Meditate often enough and a lot of damage will be undone, leaving you with a clean slate which you can then paint with your own colors — the colors of happiness, of course!

 

2. Be Thankful

Innumerable studies have proven that gratitude makes us happier.

It floods our brains with dopamine, the one chemical that has the potential to drown out the negative thoughts and anxious feelings we too often carry throughout the day.

Gratitude invokes the law of attraction. Remember, like attracts like. If you make an effort to be grateful, you will find that you will be blessed with more things to be grateful for.

A fantastic way to consciously practice gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. Every night before you to go to sleep, list everything you were grateful for throughout the day. Over time, you will see your lists become much longer!

Having a gratitude attitude is really using the power of positive thinking to it’s highest degree.

 

3. Be Kind

Just like with gratitude, kindness has also been proven to make us happier and less stressed.

Studies have also proven, time and time again, that kindness is contagious. If someone is kind to you, you will be inspired to pay it forward, and the person who receives your kindness will feel the same, so on and so forth.

Kindness also inspires gratitude and makes us more inclined to be grateful, so if you are truly struggling with positive thinking and finding something to be thankful for, do a good deed for someone else — you will notice immediately how great it makes you feel.

 

4. Take Time for Yourself

Part of the reason why it’s so easy for us to be miserable is that we place more importance on empty things than we do on the wellbeing of our souls.

Using the example of your job again, if it makes you unhappy, what are you doing to combat that negativity?

Are you setting time aside to focus on your hobbies and passions, or are you vegetating in front of the TV during your downtime?

We often forget that if we have the energy and willpower to slave away for eight or so hours a day with little reward outside of financial gain, we could easily spend an hour or two a day doing what we actually enjoy.

 

Again, remember the law of attraction — like attracts like.

 

If you hate your job, but all you ever do in your waking hours is work, you will be unhappy.

However, if you designate certain days or times just for pure pleasure, you will begin to look forward to those moments rather than dread everything else.

You must decide to take care of yourself spiritually because no one else can.

 

5. Stress Less

Imagine stress as fire, and all other negative and unhealthy conditions such as sadness, anger, sleeplessness, depression, anxiety, and addiction as the smoke.

Extinguish the flames and the smoke will dissipate. Fan the flames, and the smoke will thicken.

Stress is usually the sole cause of everything that goes wrong in our lives, and as with emotional distress, it is usually self-inflicted.

If you work too hard, you will be unhealthy: sleep too little, you will be exhausted: neglect your family or friends, you will feel lonely.

So why not rid yourself of most negativity by just choosing to relax?

Drink plenty of water, eat balanced meals, exercise, meditate, and enforce a rigid sleep routine on yourself. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, and follow the previous advice of taking time for yourself.

When stress leaves your body, your cells regenerate more efficiently. Less stress is literally more healing.

 

6. Talk Yourself Up

Be your biggest fan!

Tell yourself at least once a day that you are beautiful, talented, or just plain awesome. Do this for a while and you will come to believe it.

Pep talks work — they motivate, inspire, and uplift.

There is no reason why you can’t perform pep talks for yourself. You don’t have to exaggerate or lie to yourself, but the simplest way to do this is to view the glass as half-full.

For example, the next time something goes wrong, instead of telling yourself “This is bad,” instead affirm, “I can handle this” or “I will be okay.”

Laugh in the face of sadness (even if it’s forced) and more laughter will follow.

What you tell yourself, you will believe. So be kind.

 

END OF EXCERPT.

 

But yeah as fio and others have said, including myself, you need intensive therapy, to heal from the deep deep wounds from painful past experiences that clearly still remain with you and are preventing you from moving forward in a positive way.

 

The parts about the brain being malleable is interesting. I do try to do those other things... it’s just difficult.