allisonnm Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Hi everyone, I have a coworker that I have had a crush on since he started. He used to be my manager but now I have moved different departments, so I rarely see him. Apparently it is common knowledge in the workplace that we flirt with each other all the time. One of my co-workers made things really awkward today when she flat out said "you guys should date, its not like he's your manager anymore" in front of both of us. She described the way we both reacted "adorkable" and said we're both awkward, but she thinks we would be a really great couple. I'm not sure what to do now because its a bit awkward seeing him now. Should I just make a move since it is kind of already out there in the open? He's kind of an awkward/shy guy so I'm not sure that he would make the first move. Or do you think he's not making a move because he used to be my manager and its a work-related reason? Help! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 You made the same thread a few weeks back. What was wrong with that advice? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Its not a good idea to date someone from your work because if it goes south, it will be REALLY awkward then. However: If you're determined then just ask him if he'd like to get together after work for a drink or a bite to eat and see what happens. He will either turn you down and you can then do the mental work to undo your crush and stop flirting with him or: He'll say yes... and there ya go. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Honestly, I do not think that he is interested. He is not your boss, does not have a gf, and is on a dating app. Leave it alone! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 This is the second coworker you've had a crush on. Maybe look outside of work for men to date? Link to comment
allisonnm Posted April 19, 2019 Author Share Posted April 19, 2019 Honestly, after talking to my coworkers, I just didn't agree with a lot of the advice. Our company is very open about coworkers dating as long as the person isn't your superior and 3 of my coworkers met their husbands at a previous job. Also, I have heard that it is a known fact that he flirts with me as well. Link to comment
allisonnm Posted April 19, 2019 Author Share Posted April 19, 2019 It's the same coworker? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 It's the same coworker? The same one you hooked up with? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=547321 Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I think that if he were interested, he would ask you out. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 If you didn't agree with the advice the first time, then why did you come back with the same question? Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 From your other thread, I have a strong feeling you're being baited and there's too much drama in your workplace. I say this because of the rampant gossip and the goading/cheerleading from the peanut gallery. It's unprofessional and very off-putting. How long have you worked there? I'd consider making a lateral move to another department or consider promoting yourself or giving yourself a raise (ie. looking for a position for better pay elsewhere without forfeiting your experience if possible). This doesn't sound like a healthy company. Weigh the pros and cons of your employment. Distance yourself right now and stay away from this male coworker. I say this with respect - I think you are making a fool of yourself. The short answer is that he's not interested in you. I think you would know by now. I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
Billie28 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Honestly, after talking to my coworkers, I just didn't agree with a lot of the advice. Our company is very open about coworkers dating as long as the person isn't your superior and 3 of my coworkers met their husbands at a previous job. Also, I have heard that it is a known fact that he flirts with me as well. He is definitely not shy! He added you on fb within a few weeks of working with you and asked you to a friends party. He then invited himself over to your house the next day , made a move, hooked up with you (even though you apparently don’t do one night stands but did with this guy, why?) You hooked up twice since then. Doesn’t sound like he ever made the effort to take you on a date. He has had plenty of opportunity to ask you out. He just doesn’t want to. What made you enter a fwb thing with this guy if you wanted more? If you don’t do one night stands then why sleep with someone who has not offered more? And by that I don’t mean him saying “ I really like you” “I want to date you” blah blah , I mean by showing he is offering more by actually respecting you and taking you on dates. He is not interested. Flirting is not something people only do with someone they want to date, it’s also something people do when they want sex. It’s the effort past the flirting stage that differentiates the two. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 He is definitely not shy! He added you on fb within a few weeks of working with you and asked you to a friends party. He then invited himself over to your house the next day , made a move, hooked up with you (even though you apparently don’t do one night stands but did with this guy, why?) You hooked up twice since then. Doesn’t sound like he ever made the effort to take you on a date. He has had plenty of opportunity to ask you out. He just doesn’t want to. What made you enter a fwb thing with this guy if you wanted more? If you don’t do one night stands then why sleep with someone who has not offered more? And by that I don’t mean him saying “ I really like you” “I want to date you” blah blah , I mean by showing he is offering more by actually respecting you and taking you on dates. He is not interested. Flirting is not something people only do with someone they want to date, it’s also something people do when they want sex. It’s the effort past the flirting stage that differentiates the two. I think this was another co worker...... Started working there in December and hooked up with one and now a crush on another???? Link to comment
Billie28 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I think this was another co worker...... Started working there in December and hooked up with one and now a crush on another???? Someone asked was it the same co worker and she confirmed it was. Trigeminal neuralgia... dubbed the suicide disease ! Glad you got it sorted!!! Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Also, I have heard that it is a known fact that he flirts with me as well. If he's not too shy to flirt with you, he's not too shy to make a move. Your coworkers may think you'd make a great couple, but nothing's going to happen unless HE thinks so. Men usually express this by asking you out. If you can't stand the suspense and wondering 'does he, doesn't he?', then by all means make a move. At least it will settle things in your own mind, but be prepared for disappointment. Maybe all will be good, but this puts me in mind of Greg Behrendt's chapter heading: 'He's just not that into you if he isn't asking you out!' Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Someone asked was it the same co worker and she confirmed it was. Trigeminal neuralgia... dubbed the suicide disease ! Glad you got it sorted!!! I think that was about the previous post about this guy, if you read all three threads i think two of them are the same guy and the first thread is another guy, otherwise the stories don't match up either Off topic, yeah suicide disease is accurate!! I came very close to that! But am painfree for 17 months now!! Cause was a tumor which had twisted the facial nerve in my brain Link to comment
Billie28 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I think that was about the previous post about this guy, if you read all three threads i think two of them are the same guy and the first thread is another guy, otherwise the stories don't match up either Off topic, yeah suicide disease is accurate!! I came very close to that! But am painfree for 17 months now!! Cause was a tumor which had twisted the facial nerve in my brain I can’t find three threads? But if the op is talking about a different coworker within a few months timeframe of starting at that workplace , then she is the issue. Can you quote where it suggests it’s not the same coworker? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 If you look at her threads you see one from two weeks ago and one from February that was also about a co worker, the last two threads are clearly the same story and guy and the one from February about Facebook and hooking up was a different guy, if not the stories sure don't sound the same, maybe she'll clarify... But if it are really two different guys then be aware that this is the easiest way to get a reputation at work, workplace is for work, not hooking up.... Link to comment
Billie28 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 If you look at her threads you see one from two weeks ago and one from February that was also about a co worker, the last two threads are clearly the same story and guy and the one from February about Facebook and hooking up was a different guy, if not the stories sure don't sound the same, maybe she'll clarify... But if it are really two different guys then be aware that this is the easiest way to get a reputation at work, workplace is for work, not hooking up.... Thanks! I read them! To me it sounds like the same person but her “story” has changed. OP, are you fantasising or are you actually into someone while hooking up with someone else? Please clarify. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Thanks! I read them! To me it sounds like the same person but her “story” has changed. OP, are you fantasising or are you actually into someone while hooking up with someone else? Please clarify. I read it as two different people. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I read it as two different people. Yes me too! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 It's more important what you think and what he thinks. Avoid discussing your love life at work this much. He probably knows you have a crush on him. He's probably not making a move because he is either not interested in you that way or he has someone or because it makes work awkward. Avoid further embarassment and do not ask him out. Get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting men.she thinks we would be a really great couple. he's not making a move because he used to be my manager and its a work-related reason? Help! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 If you look at her threads you see one from two weeks ago and one from February that was also about a co worker, the last two threads are clearly the same story and guy and the one from February about Facebook and hooking up was a different guy, if not the stories sure don't sound the same, maybe she'll clarify... But if it are really two different guys then be aware that this is the easiest way to get a reputation at work, workplace is for work, not hooking up.... The February thread is from February 2018. But still, OP, you seem to have a pattern of getting "crushes" on coworkers and then things turn messy or awkward or they don't work out the way you want them to. Which is why I suggested expanding your dating search beyond your workplace. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 The February thread is from February 2018. But still, OP, you seem to have a pattern of getting "crushes" on coworkers and then things turn messy or awkward or they don't work out the way you want them to. Which is why I suggested expanding your dating search beyond your workplace. Aha didn't even see that!! Then yes, definitely different guys! And also different workplace, but still a pattern.... Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I think somebody is a few fries short of a Happy Meal! Link to comment
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