Advice about snooping and finding more than I bargained for

[arjumand]

What do you do? You just leave this situation. You spoke with a divorce attorney, it is time to move on. He is gaslighting you and making you unhappy, there is no reason to stay and have him lie and manipulate you. Go start a better life.

[Wiseman2]

Why are you trying to make matters worse? Talking and talking? Seriously? He's a cocaine and steroid user. Get to a lawyer and a therapist. Stop living in denial. Read up on addiction Stop trying to fix or change him. Stop nitpicking and nagging, you are wasting your time and merely tipping your hand so he can deceive you better.. Take action that solves the problems, not just continue them making them worse and adding new ones by "talking".

[Rabican]

Run far and run fast. Sounds like a grade a liar, and manipulator. Trying to twist and distort whatever he said. He's either lying to you or his friends. He's definitely doing shady things behind your back and throwing the blame on you for finding out. Run.

[cornucopia]

Update: He moved out on Wednesday. Before moving out he did say that he admits his jokes with his friends are out of line and as a married man he should have toned it down. Said that he is leaving because I clearly don't want to be with him anymore. He is disapointd and sad but he accepts it. He is being very nice to me right now - sending nice messages. Still not apologizing. Still denying coke and steroids and cheating. Wants me to take care of myself and get mental health treatment and he only wants me to be happy. Says I am an incredible person who he says can do anything I put my mind to. He is proud of my professional achievements (I recently got a very prestigious promotion - the day after he moved out actually) and he says I should be proud.

 

I will admit to everyone that this is incredibly hard. With the things I found any sane woman would agree that divorce is the only option. I know that is true and the only thing I am fighting is my memories of what once was - and what I had always hoped would be. So much promise and so much potential. We have been together since we were 16 - so for 20 years. I know no other life. I am devastated and sad and feel confused and guilt. I am scared and haven't been eating or sleeping much. Everything in this house reminds me of him. Everything in my life reminds me of him. We were a team and now I'm alone. I know I am doing the right thing so I don't know why it feels so bad and why I still have doubt and guilt.

 

Thanks to all on this board who helped. The advice here and well-wishes and strength got me through some of the toughest days. It is not over and (because it is cathartic) I will continue to post updates as long as this website allows. Thanks.

[Seraphim]

I am sorry it had to come to that. Make sure he stays gone. He is a liar and a cheater. I am sure it hurts like death but it is necessary. Even now he can’t be truthful. Sad. Please please look after yourself and build a support system independent of him. Congrats on the promotion!