Wondering why you were ghosted?

[catfeeder]

Yes! Precisely!

 

Thank you for posting catfeeder. Excellent way of explaining what the underlying message was of me posting this article was all about.

 

Sometimes it's sensational stuff that can drive a bigger message, but all too often we get hung up on splitting hairs over the particulars that miss the point. I think you've raised a nice challenge to that, Sherry.

 

Thanks again.

[SherrySher]

I also didn't want anyone who had a few great dates, and then were ghosted or dropped, to feel as though it was their fault. It can feel bad to not hear from someone again.

It can make you feel rejected and like you did something wrong. But I hope this article shows you that it might not have been you at all.

 

Dating in this day and age can be really tough. There are so many variables as to why finding someone is so difficult and even more so, to have it work out.

It's not impossible, but at the same time I think all of us have hit rough patches and felt like giving up.

 

Not everyone is like the woman in this article. It won't always end badly. But it's always good to be aware.

[Annia]

Did you ever meet him by accident? Years ago I made a plan to meet a guy from a dating site, on a Sunday for lunch. The night before my friend and I were out in the city for dinner. I knew my person lived outside the city and was going to be spending the weekend with friends in the city. We lived in a huge city and we were at an upscale but chain restaurant at a random location (meaning nothing special, not near anything) and .... I spotted him! He was having dinner with friends. I decided not to approach him then though -I did tell him about it the next day. In another situation, my friend was stood up by a first meet. She believed he'd come and decided she wasn't attractive enough (which made no sense to me -she was so pretty!!). Anyway we were out at a popular dessert place when he walks in, and my friend whispers to me that it's him (the situation had happened weeks earlier). So we stare at him, he sees her and he tries to talk to our friend -we block him, sex and the city style -the group of "girls" supporting each other blockade style -and he slinks away pretty quickly. So if you ghost, etc you never know.

 

As I wrote ghosting doesn't have to mean anything negative. And come to think of it I also know of a tinder marriage and she hadn't dated online to meet her first husband.

 

Haha that must have been awkward. I also liked imagining the group of friends "protecting" your friend sex and the city style. I'm sure ghosting happened a lot back in the day since people didn't usually have cellphones and so it was much easier to disappear from the face of the earth. Or maybe sometimes if there was a misunderstanding or someone was late, it could make it so that people ended up not meeting because of this lack of cellphone, I don't know.

 

I never met this guy that never wanted to meet but I once encountered another guy who lived near my street too. I had met him once through online dating. We had a great date. The next weeks he'd be talking to me everyday, he complimented, said he loved meeting me and couldn't wait to see me again and blah blah blah. We had arranged to meet several times but he'd back out every time last minute with whatever excuse he could find. It came to a point that it was obvious he was avoiding meeting me, yet he'd message me everyday (he initiated) and talked to me all day. I got fed up and told him that I wasn't looking for a message buddy and that if he didn't want to meet I'd rather we go separate ways. He then came up with the excuse that I was just so perfect (lol) and he was afraid of getting hurt by falling in love with me (lol). I then deleted and moved on. I think he probably was in a relationship because he talked to me all day yes, but always when he was at work. After work, silence. So one day I saw him walking his dog in my street. I didn't say anything and I think he saw me but didn't say anything either lol

[Batya33]

Haha that must have been awkward. I also liked imagining the group of friends "protecting" your friend sex and the city style. I'm sure ghosting happened a lot back in the day since people didn't usually have cellphones and so it was much easier to disappear from the face of the earth. Or maybe sometimes if there was a misunderstanding or someone was late, it could make it so that people ended up not meeting because of this lack of cellphone, I don't know.

 

I never met this guy that never wanted to meet but I once encountered another guy who lived near my street too. I had met him once through online dating. We had a great date. The next weeks he'd be talking to me everyday, he complimented, said he loved meeting me and couldn't wait to see me again and blah blah blah. We had arranged to meet several times but he'd back out every time last minute with whatever excuse he could find. It came to a point that it was obvious he was avoiding meeting me, yet he'd message me everyday (he initiated) and talked to me all day. I got fed up and told him that I wasn't looking for a message buddy and that if he didn't want to meet I'd rather we go separate ways. He then came up with the excuse that I was just so perfect (lol) and he was afraid of getting hurt by falling in love with me (lol). I then deleted and moved on. I think he probably was in a relationship because he talked to me all day yes, but always when he was at work. After work, silence. So one day I saw him walking his dog in my street. I didn't say anything and I think he saw me but didn't say anything either lol

 

LOL - maybe you should have asked his dog if he wanted to meet for coffee and a walk!

[SherrySher]

Annia, that guy sounds like a total player! Grrrr, I don't like people like that.

[Annia]

Annia, that guy sounds like a total player! Grrrr, I don't like people like that.

 

I know, I think he was probably with someone else or more interested in other dates but keeping me in the back burner. Now I remembered one excuse he gave me one day that we were supposed to meet again. I suggested a place and he dismissed that suggestion because according to him he used to go to that place with his ex and he didn't think it was a good idea or wasn't ready to get back there or something like that (this supports my theory that he probably had a girlfriend and was probably afraid of being seen with me there).

 

But I'm also at fault that I entertained this back and forth of us "trying" to have our second date for too long. If it were today my tolerance would've been much shorter and I'd have deleted much sooner.