No guys want to see me again

[Boo1986]

Guy one: you're looking for different things. Pass

 

Guy two: Most Likely either playing games or lost interest. Pass

 

Guy Three: Same as guy two

 

One thing you have to remember with Online Dating (that I learned the hard way) is that most people don't date just one person at a time. They usually have multiple people they are messaging at a time. It's what I call Scattershot dating. Send lots of messages, respond to the ones that write back, go on multiple dates. If you go on a date with one guy there's a good chance you're not the only one they are talking to. So if they ghost you they just found someone they connected with more. I myself once went on a 3 dates from okcupid in one weekend. None of them clicked with me, but if more than one did I would have had to chose one at some point. Plus most find it easier to just ghost now a days then give you the bad news that you came in 2nd.

 

These guys I don’t think are dating multiple women. It sounds like it was hard for them to get even one date I think that’s why it makes it worse that they don’t want me. Guy number three said he swiped yes on at least 1000 girls on tinder with no mutual match... and the second guy said last date he had the girl saw him and then left after 2 minutes because she didn’t like the look of him. Maybe I’m aiming to low, think I’m going to try get out more and meet people that way, it’s hard because I’m extremely shy and awkward:/

[Tinydance]

These guys I don’t think are dating multiple women. It sounds like it was hard for them to get even one date I think that’s why it makes it worse that they don’t want me. Guy number three said he swiped yes on at least 1000 girls on tinder with no mutual match... and the second guy said last date he had the girl saw him and then left after 2 minutes because she didn’t like the look of him. Maybe I’m aiming to low, think I’m going to try get out more and meet people that way, it’s hard because I’m extremely shy and awkward:/

 

I think you are being very negative and your negative attitude is probably really not helping you. "That's why it makes it worse that they don't want me". That's actually a very strong statement that they "don't want you". A lot of the time people on online dating don't have any problem with the people they have dates with but they are just not feeling a connection. You weren't actually feeling much connection with them either so why do you keep going over and over it?

 

Yes it's true that guys don't get as many matches or messages as women but they do get some, so they probably are still going on dates with with more than one woman. Also many guys online just want sex, as someone said. So the guys that do want to go on actual dates will still get dates because they're not just booty calling women.

 

If you just continue to ruminate on why guys don't want to see you again then you will drive yourself nuts because you can't change it and you also have no idea why. Also you don't know them and don't have feelings for them so does it matter why and do they even matter? In online dating if you don't hear from someone, then you just completely forget them and move on. You have only been on dates with three guys at this point which is nothing as far as online dating goes. Most people will go on dozens of dates from online and not get a relationship out of it.

 

If you're going to continue online dating then you simply cannot take it to heart so much and you also have to have a positive attitude. Trust me, your attitude and vibe does come across, even if you don't realise it. So you need to feel confident in yourself and project a positive outlook. Success also depends on how much you like YOURSELF.

 

Also don't make your life just about meeting guys. Do you also have hobbies and interests and catch up with friends? I don't know about other people, but I find it really attractive in a person if they are an individual and they have their own life and interests. That way you have more to talk about and seem more interesting. Of course it's natural to want to have a partner in life but you don't have to focus your time and energy just on that. Someone does come along eventually trust me. But it has to happen naturally and not forcing it with people that you're not even into and they're not into you.

[Boo1986]

I think you are being very negative and your negative attitude is probably really not helping you. "That's why it makes it worse that they don't want me". That's actually a very strong statement that they "don't want you". A lot of the time people on online dating don't have any problem with the people they have dates with but they are just not feeling a connection. You weren't actually feeling much connection with them either so why do you keep going over and over it?

 

Yes it's true that guys don't get as many matches or messages as women but they do get some, so they probably are still going on dates with with more than one woman. Also many guys online just want sex, as someone said. So the guys that do want to go on actual dates will still get dates because they're not just booty calling women.

 

If you just continue to ruminate on why guys don't want to see you again then you will drive yourself nuts because you can't change it and you also have no idea why. Also you don't know them and don't have feelings for them so does it matter why and do they even matter? In online dating if you don't hear from someone, then you just completely forget them and move on. You have only been on dates with three guys at this point which is nothing as far as online dating goes. Most people will go on dozens of dates from online and not get a relationship out of it.

 

If you're going to continue online dating then you simply cannot take it to heart so much and you also have to have a positive attitude. Trust me, your attitude and vibe does come across, even if you don't realise it. So you need to feel confident in yourself and project a positive outlook. Success also depends on how much you like YOURSELF.

 

Also don't make your life just about meeting guys. Do you also have hobbies and interests and catch up with friends? I don't know about other people, but I find it really attractive in a person if they are an individual and they have their own life and interests. That way you have more to talk about and seem more interesting. Of course it's natural to want to have a partner in life but you don't have to focus your time and energy just on that. Someone does come along eventually trust me. But it has to happen naturally and not forcing it with people that you're not even into and they're not into you.

 

Thanks it seems the general consensus is that you have to meet a lot of one and dones and not to take it personally. And yes it’s no loss as I wasn’t particularly interested in them either, it’s not really about the guy I guess it’s more about my ego feeling bruised, but I shall get over it. Yes I have lots of hobbies and usually hang out with my friends once or twice a week. They all have long term partners so we generally just go out to lunch/beach etc. I guess I’ll keep trying and try not to take it as a personal insult if they don’t want to see me again, after all I can’t be to everyone’s taste and everyone can’t be too mine. I’ll keep trying!

[purplepaisley]

I think it's a good idea to expand your horizons and not be so rigid on "type," but you don't have to reduce yourself to something that just won't work. I don't have a particular type myself. I'm not fond of facial hair, but it's not a deal-breaker, mainly because men sport facial hair in higher quantities these days, it seems. You pretty much lose a huge population of fish when you get too picky, and you miss out on men/personalities that may mesh better with you when you close the door with too many rules and check-boxes. Certainly I have my deal-breakers...I'm not going after anything that sniffs in my direction.

 

For you, I think you need to develop a little bit of strength, and maybe fishing in other ponds isn't the best idea, or be more mindful or more baby steps? I'm not sure. You can't keep guys stringing along. If you want to give it a try, fine, but if you find nothing is "there" like you described with guy #2, you need to pull your balls out of your purse, and let him know you're just not feeling it. Sorry.

 

How would you feel if a guy consistently pushed you off for "other things to do" and "busy" or didn't text or respond? It would upset you. Don't be "that guy." If it doesn't work, let him know.

 

Definitely revamp your thinking. Everyone here is presenting the same idea; that you need to work it, be excited, no dread, revamp your thinking approach. I have no idea how bad or good a date will go, and some have been bad...but you know? It's not the end of the world. I got out, I enjoyed a latte or a Long Island ice tea, maybe an appetizer, maybe dinner, maybe a movie, maybe some affection, maybe some smooching, maybe just a hug...maybe a good horror story to share with my friends...learning the "nots" and "never agains", and I got something out of it, and it was good. If I need to whip out an excuse (I have to work tomorrow, early, sorry, need to cut this short), I can run a couple errands on my way home, thus paving the way for a stress-free weekend. It's not a total loss. My ideal date is on a weekend where that initial meeting can extend if things go well and I don't have to worry about bed time...or you fall back on your weekend excuse. "I promised my elderly aunt I would take her and the dog to the vet," "I have to be at work early." Let them off the hook later, "I'm sorry, I don't think this is a match," and don't leave this guy dangling.

 

Treat them the way you wish to be treated. This is really the golden rule.

 

And you have to not take things personally, and don't let yourself get too dejected by the process. Take a break when you need to, and then jump back in. You had three dates that were less than stellar. You'll get plenty more, and I suspect you're harder on yourself with looks than anyone else is.

[katrina1980]

 

These are guys i wasn't even attracted to in the first place but though never to judge a book by its cover and they don't even like me so i feel like i mist have to drop my standards even more but if i do that i would rather be alone.

 

Hi Boo and welcome!

 

I haven't had time to read the entire thread so apologies if this was addressed already, but since you were not attracted to them, then why were you expecting them to be attracted to you? And to pursue you further?

 

When people click, it's usual mutual, a mutual energy.

 

You didn't feel it with these guys, so why on earth do you feel like a loser because they didn't feel it with you?

 

Keep in mind, not feeling it with you will not stop them for trying to get sex, which was the case with the first guy, but seriously hun, stop stressing about this.

 

There was no connection either way, a "one and done" as they say, there is no reason for you to be feeling so down.

 

Continue your search, meeting men and eventually you will meet a man you feel that mutual click with!

 

Heck, read this forum, there are women who have met in excess of 100 men before finding the one they clicked with!

 

I have a friend who met 300 men before finding her boyfriend!

 

So chin up, seriously and forget about your "big" nose, some of the most beautiful women in the world have big noses!

 

I have a "sleepy" eye (my right eye) which sort of droops a little, lol, literally NO ONE is perfect!

[Boo1986]

Hi Boo and welcome!

 

I haven't had time to read the entire thread so apologies if this was addressed already, but since you were not attracted to them, then why were you expecting them to be attracted to you? And to pursue you further?

 

When people click, it's usual mutual, a mutual energy.

 

You didn't feel it with these guys, so why on earth do you feel like a loser because they didn't feel it with you?

 

Keep in mind, not feeling it with you will not stop them for trying to get sex, which was the case with the first guy, but seriously hun, stop stressing about this.

 

There was no connection either way, a "one and done" as they say, there is no reason for you to be feeling so down.

 

Continue your search, meeting men and eventually you will meet a man you feel that mutual click with!

 

Heck, read this forum, there are women who have met in excess of 100 men before finding the one they clicked with!

 

I have a friend who met 300 men before finding her boyfriend!

 

So chin up, seriously and forget about your "big" nose, some of the most beautiful women in the world have big noses!

 

I have a "sleepy" eye (my right eye) which sort of droops a little, lol, literally NO ONE is perfect!

 

Wow 300 dates that must of taken years! I don’t know I just feel like if I can’t get them interested what are the chances of someone I actually like being interested. It’s silly and I guess it doesn’t work that way, if I was interested I would probably be more fun to be around. I have had bfs in the past who have liked me a lot so that gives me a little bit of hope, I will keep going on dates and keep trying though as the other option is to do nothing and that won’t get me anywhere either. I think I feel down because if they thought I was attractive enough I’m sure they would want to see me again regardless of if we had a connection or not, isn’t that how men think?

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps lowering the bar this much is something to reconsider. Strive for quality not quantity and do not date to assuage an ego. Date to meet up with people to see if there's enough mutual interest to start dating. The more efficiently you date the less burn out there will be . That means not dragging things out when there's no attraction and not wishing for a second date you don't even want.

[Boo1986]

Perhaps lowering the bar this much is something to reconsider. Strive for quality not quantity and do not date to assuage an ego. Date to meet up with people to see if there's enough mutual interest to start dating. The more efficiently you date the less burn out there will be . That means not dragging things out when there's no attraction and not wishing for a second date you don't even want.

. That’s good advice, I get torn though as a lot of people say they weren’t attracted to there significant other when they first met and the attraction grew over time, so I don’t want to be too hasty in deciding no, but I guess if there’s no physical attraction and no emotional attraction it’s not looking good on any front!

[Zippy2000]

Boo1986. Please don't be too disheartened with it. Its the nature of the beast of OLD. Ive been doing it for over 10 years now on and off. In this time Ive only ever had 2 mini relationships. Nothing really has come out of it all.

 

You have to be strong and take rejection as it comes. I tend to message people talk for a couple of days and then ask for a date. A lot of people who are interested will agree and set a date but you will get time wasters. Time wasters who when you ask for a date post pone or just talk online. I tend to talk for a couple of days and then set a date. I do this as soon as I can because you wont really know if you like them or not until you meet them in real life.

 

Also I don't have time frames with dates. The longest date I had when I was enjoying her company was 4 hours. The one I struggled with and didn't find any chemistry was one or two hours.

 

Also using APPs such as Tinder or POF were originally hook up APPs. They weren't originally dating sites but people looking for quick meets or sex.

 

Just keep looking and don't give up. There will be someone out there.

[Boo1986]

Boo1986. Please don't be too disheartened with it. Its the nature of the beast of OLD. Ive been doing it for over 10 years now on and off. In this time Ive only ever had 2 mini relationships. Nothing really has come out of it all.

 

You have to be strong and take rejection as it comes. I tend to message people talk for a couple of days and then ask for a date. A lot of people who are interested will agree and set a date but you will get time wasters. Time wasters who when you ask for a date post pone or just talk online. I tend to talk for a couple of days and then set a date. I do this as soon as I can because you wont really know if you like them or not until you meet them in real life.

 

Also I don't have time frames with dates. The longest date I had when I was enjoying her company was 4 hours. The one I struggled with and didn't find any chemistry was one or two hours.

 

Also using APPs such as Tinder or POF were originally hook up APPs. They weren't originally dating sites but people looking for quick meets or sex.

 

Just keep looking and don't give up. There will be someone out there.

 

Thanks for your advice, it does help to hear that a lot of people say the same thing about online dating and it’s not just that I’m undateable... I’m sure if I keep doing it I’ll build a thicker skin and get used to it, just a little disheartening at first. The guy I went on date number two said one date of his turned up and when she saw him said “this isn’t going to happen” and didn’t even get out of the car and left after 2 min, I can’t believe people can be so rude, stories like that make me want to talk to them a bit more to sense if they are a jerk or not but I guess you can’t tell until you meet them most of the time.

[Wiseman2]

Yep, a lot of people are burned out and it can bring out the worst in people. This is why it's a good idea to have a strategy and sequence and mindset that prevents burn-out in yourself as well as avoiding others who have signs of it. I also agree with zippy that low quality free hookup type sites are more prone to have burned out rude people than higher quality higher investment paid sites.

his turned up and when she saw him said “this isn’t going to happen” and didn’t even get out of the car and left after 2 min, I can’t believe people can be so rude, stories like that make me want to talk to them a bit more to sense if they are a jerk or not but I guess you can’t tell until you meet them most of the time.

[Zippy2000]

Thanks for your advice, it does help to hear that a lot of people say the same thing about online dating and it’s not just that I’m undateable... I’m sure if I keep doing it I’ll build a thicker skin and get used to it, just a little disheartening at first. The guy I went on date number two said one date of his turned up and when she saw him said “this isn’t going to happen” and didn’t even get out of the car and left after 2 min, I can’t believe people can be so rude, stories like that make me want to talk to them a bit more to sense if they are a jerk or not but I guess you can’t tell until you meet them most of the time.

 

 

I'm in the UK. Have you seen the show "The Undateables"? Theres always someone out there for someone. I have a lot of female friends and I hear their horror stories too. I must be one of the very few who have never been stood up but I have heard two of my friend have this happened to them when the guy never turned uo.

 

My other friend also went to the pub with a guy and walked to the bar and she ordered drinks and picked them up and turned around. Only to see the guy walk out the door and the door close behind him. Another date she went on the guy said he had to go outside to make a phone call and never came back.

 

Its just another story but OLD is addictive because you cant help but think that person will be out there. However don't just use OLD. get out and so things with your friends. You can meet friends from all over and they will have friends of friends you might like. For me, Ive tried everything. Might sound awkward but I ve been known to get to know people in shops and asked them out! Only one has stayed friends for me for 4 years but most just fade away. You just have to move on.

[Boo1986]

I'm in the UK. Have you seen the show "The Undateables"? Theres always someone out there for someone. I have a lot of female friends and I hear their horror stories too. I must be one of the very few who have never been stood up but I have heard two of my friend have this happened to them when the guy never turned uo.

 

My other friend also went to the pub with a guy and walked to the bar and she ordered drinks and picked them up and turned around. Only to see the guy walk out the door and the door close behind him. Another date she went on the guy said he had to go outside to make a phone call and never came back.

 

Its just another story but OLD is addictive because you cant help but think that person will be out there. However don't just use OLD. get out and so things with your friends. You can meet friends from all over and they will have friends of friends you might like. For me, Ive tried everything. Might sound awkward but I ve been known to get to know people in shops and asked them out! Only one has stayed friends for me for 4 years but most just fade away. You just have to move on.

 

Omg that is so horrible about the guys just walking out! It’s put things a bit more into perspective for me. Out of curiosity have these female friends that that happened too now found partners? Or are the still online dating? I think if I was more confident and outgoing I would find it easier to meet people, by nature I’m pretty shy until I get to know someone properly and even then can still be quite.

[Zippy2000]

Omg that is so horrible about the guys just walking out! It’s put things a bit more into perspective for me. Out of curiosity have these female friends that that happened too now found partners? Or are the still online dating? I think if I was more confident and outgoing I would find it easier to meet people, by nature I’m pretty shy until I get to know someone properly and even then can still be quite.

 

Mt friend "J" has got stood up 3 times. Shes also had one guy who`s been messaging her for up to 9 months before she let go after all the excuses he made to now looking back as avoiding meeting up. My other friend "L" had two 1 year long relationships that ended and she is now again single and looking.

 

With OLD people have multiple choices and as humans we always thing the grass is greener on the other side. That's why you see the same faces on OLD over. Its good advice to take things at a moderate speed. Trust your gut instinct