jaqueline24 Posted January 1, 2019 Author Share Posted January 1, 2019 thank you everyone. I have to learn to love myself and try my best to feel more secure and confident before getting married Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 thank you everyone. I have to learn to love myself and try my best to feel more secure and confident before getting married I don't think it's just about that - it's about working on making better choices when you make promises and commitments to people - not just romantically - to act in a reliable and trustworthy way. And it's not about "feeling" more secure and confident -it's about acting in a way that reflects that you care about other people's well being and that you care about being a person who is trustworthy. Certainly loving yourself will enhance that -because if you don't care about yourself you're not going to have healthy interactions with people. You can be a work in progress and get married -as long as you don't subject other people to choices that harm them or are thoughtless/misleading. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 I disagree. To some extent a SO can make us feel valued - but we need our own confidence to feel independently valuable.It goes without saying that we need to be confident in our own value. I often say "believe you are the prize that any guy/gal should be happy to be with" However: No one is arguing that its important to have independent value; but if the one you are suppose to love and who is suppose to love you isn't showing you that they value you then its time for a talk and if that talk doesn't get changes and positive results, then its time to leave and the breakdown of the union would be the person not showing change's fault that the union dissolved... The point is: It takes two people to make a relationship work and for it to be a happy and fulfilling life together and someone is mostly always at fault (like I said no excuse to cheat though... you leave when communication doesn't improve things). Its psychology 101 to know that if we didn't have mirrors, we would need another person to tell us what they see (that doesn't just mean just what they see physically either). Link to comment
j.man Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 thank you everyone. I have to learn to love myself and try my best to feel more secure and confident before getting marriedAnd to not lock tongues with other dudes if you do and inevitably at some point will again feel insecure. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Yes. When you feel insecure again, go talk to your boyfriend, try to work it out with him. If that doesn't help your insecurity, then go for a long walk on your own, take time to reflect, listen to music that makes you feel calmer. Even go speak to a therapist if need be. But don't be destructive and turn to alcohol and cheating. It will only bring you down. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 So you cheated and came clean. I applaud you for that, anything else would have been a huge mistake. Your bf trusted you to go out and have fun with your friend(s) and now that trust is broken. This will be the toughest thing to rebuild but it needs to be rebuilt with honesty and integrity. He should feel that you love him so much that you would NEVER ever consider making out with some stranger that showed you some interest and you should trust him enough as well. Until you can answer a few simple questions you cannot offer up your undying love and fidelity to him forever. 1. Why did I think it was okay to make out with some strange guy? 2. Where was my love and devotion to my fiancé when I had some other guys tongue in my mouth? 3. Why did I think making out with a stranger was okay but going home with him and having sex was not? 4. What will happen the next time a cute guy comes onto you, maybe after a fight with your bf? 5. Do you really understand what it means to be faithful in a relationship? By that I mean do you understand it is much more than just not making out or having sex with someone else? You both are young but no so young that right and wrong in a relationship was a mystery. On a positive note this could be the catalyst to an awesome relationship and possible marriage one day if you take this opportunity to dig deep and seek out help. You did the right thing being honest with him so keep it going and be honest with yourself... Lost Link to comment
jimthzz Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 ...There was this guy who introduced himself to me. He was very flirty and nice. He and I hung out while my best friend went off dancing with some other people. This guy and I made out a lot. We did not have sex or anything like that, just made out... So you do not think that making out with some stray guy at a bar warrants telling your BF? I sure do. And further, stop going to dance bars, getting drunk and figuring that it is no big deal to make out with a guy you just met when you are engaged to marry another man. When your fiance told you to go out and have fun with your girlfriend, he was most definitely not telling you to act as an unattached woman. He deserves to know about it and you need to reflect on what you want out of him in marriage. If I were him? I'd want to figure out if I want to marry someone so willing to risk it all in a bar. Hey everyone so I wanted to let y’all know that I told him everything. He was upset, still is and I knew he would be but he’s willing to give me a second chance. I asked him why and he said because he proposed to me for a reason and that reason is that he loves me no matter what. He asked me why I did it and my answer is that I felt like I wasn’t good enough (attractive. I’m very insecure) in our relationship and it felt good to have someone into me and I apoligized. I feel so guilty and I know I am but anyway, we decided to call off the engagement I think you need to dig a little deeper than this to repair things. Link to comment
Normm Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 The two of you are very young. Marriage is supposed to be for the rest of your lives. As in, perhaps another 60+ years for both of you. Of course most of the time, for most people it isn't. But at least it should start off on a positive note. You aren't even married yet, this is supposed to be the best, most exciting time in your life, with complete and utter love, devotion, trust and unquestionable faithfulness to each other- and you go out to socialize and make out with another guy. Sorry but there are huge problems here. Could be all on you, or it could signify problems between the two of you that have yet to be realized but at any rate the thought of marriage should be completely off the table until you come to terms with why you did this. Link to comment
AngelaTaylor Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Omg. This one is simple. Do not tell him. Ever. Ever. (I hope im not too late replying) The guilt is your punishment. Theres no deep issue with the relationship or you would have run off with the new guy. What happened was just a combo of young person hormones, alcohol, and opportunity. Feel uncomfortable about it and dont do it again. But for god sakes dont tell him! I am a 40 yo woman and ive seen a lot. Believe me when i say honesty is not the best policy here. Link to comment
Guest Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I'd keep your mouth shut, block the random guy completely and never mention it again. Your fiance will probably break up with you otherwise. You didn't have sex, but he'll never believe that. Just don't ever let it happen again. Is its immature women like you that would cheat and not mention it...then several months down the line when the guilt has subsided, you are propositioned again..and you cheat again but this time you take it all the way to sex...this is called being a cheater...you are a cheater and will always cheat if the opportunity comes. Link to comment
Guest Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 He asked me why I did it and my answer is that I felt like I wasn’t good enough (attractive. I’m very insecure) in our relationship and it felt good to have someone into me and I apoligized. I feel so guilty and I know I am but anyway, we decided to call off the engagement The lamest excuse women always make. "I didn't feel pretty enough" oh so cheating on your bf is going to make you much better. The real answer is you cheated because the opportunity came up and you are easily swayed and you have no morals. You need to stop kidding yourself. People like you cheat and trick yourself into thinking its ok and then another opportunity comes up and bam cheating again. You will cheat again, mark my words. Link to comment
Annia Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 It's a fact that cheating is a choice and is always about the cheater and not how their partner makes them feel. Only when taking that responsibility and taking it seriously, can a cheater change and stop cheating when opportunities arise. Link to comment
Usa1ah Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 He ended the engagement and said that he needed time to think more but that he still wants to be together. I f*cked up for sure I know but I do love him. We live together and have planned out our future. Deep down I regret going out that night. But he has noticed me being isolated in our home and suggested to get out and socialize with my friends so I did and I did a terrible thing There is a big difference between going out and having fun and cheating like you did Link to comment
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