She’s not good enough for me

[giraffeprint]

Hi, I’ve been in the midst of a break up with my girl (F+F) and from our conversations she says that she doesn’t think she’s good enough for me. When we were together I would get angry and insult her, and have told her she wasn’t good enough. I guess she believes it now. She says things like I deserve better, I should be with someone else, even when we were together she would point out other girls that would be better for me. She also says now that she has no interest in being with me but can remain friends.

 

I have tried telling her that she is what I want, and we all have short comings. I’ve told her that sometimes I probably don’t bring the best of out her. That I was wrong for saying those nasty things but I think she just looks at me as a bully and negative energy.

 

I want to get her back but I can’t keep talking to her trying to convince her that she is wrong. I’d like to know what I can do to show her that I do value her and I do care and I want to do the right things. I’m pretty sure she gets that from the things I’ve said but it’s still not enough.

 

Thanks

[Starlight925]

Hi, I’ve been in the midst of a break up with my girl (F+F) and from our conversations she says that she doesn’t think she’s good enough for me. When we were together I would get angry and insult her, and have told her she wasn’t good enough. I guess she believes it now. She says things like I deserve better, I should be with someone else, even when we were together she would point out other girls that would be better for me. She also says now that she has no interest in being with me but can remain friends.

 

I have tried telling her that she is what I want, and we all have short comings. I’ve told her that sometimes I probably don’t bring the best of out her. That I was wrong for saying those nasty things but I think she just looks at me as a bully and negative energy.

 

I want to get her back but I can’t keep talking to her trying to convince her that she is wrong. I’d like to know what I can do to show her that I do value her and I do care and I want to do the right things. I’m pretty sure she gets that from the things I’ve said but it’s still not enough.

 

Thanks

 

Seriously?

 

You repeatedly told her she wasn't good enough, you barraged her with negative comments about herself, that "we all" have shortcomings, and now you're asking for advice as to how to convince her to come back?

 

Let her find someone better than you.

[mustlovedogs]

You are emotionally abusive. She deserves better than you. Let her go so she can find it.

[giraffeprint]

I’ve done bad things but I’m not a bad person

[bluecastle]

I’ve done bad things but I’m not a bad person

 

Sounds like now is the time to lean into this, not her, so you stop doing bad things to people you care about.

 

Right now you have to just let her go and respect her feelings. Just as you don't want to be with someone who brings out the inner bully—and probably need to work on taming that outside any relationship—she deserves to be with someone who makes her feel cherished.

 

Bottom line here is that you two don't work. I know it's hard, but you can't force it. That'll only create more of a mess.

[isitok]

The relationship is too far gone now. I wouldn't say things like you're a bully or abusive, but you did make that impact on her life and her self-esteem that you can't take back. Instead of letting her put herself down and allowing her to think that she isn't good for you, you should've been taking the responsibility and saying that you're not good enough for her. What's done is done, though. From here on out, you owe it to her to let her be okay on her own. You owe it to her to let her find her way and move on without you. You, in the meantime, should be working on yourself. Work on your ability to be humble. Go experience some life that may put some different perspective in your eyes. You have to stop trying to convince her that you've changed or that she's wrong. Let her be, and start actually changing and actually being someone who doesn't have such harsh blows to someone's heart during their "shortcomings." Once you've learned enough life and love from your heart and soul, then you can go and try to share that with someone else. Don't put yourself in a relationship if you're not okay for yourself. Again, what is done is done, and there's no changing that. So, do what you have to do. Let her go heal her heart without the pain of feeling so insecure.

[Hollyj]

I think you need to seek a therapist and deal with your bullying/abusive nature.

 

I think that she has endured enough from you. Leave her alone. You are not a friend-this is evident-and so I would suggest blocking and deleting.

 

You need to understand why you enjoy tearing others down. I feel sorry for her.

[Hollyj]

Seriously?

 

You repeatedly told her she wasn't good enough, you barraged her with negative comments about herself, that "we all" have shortcomings, and now you're asking for advice as to how to convince her to come back?

 

Let her find someone better than you. You don't deserve her, you mean bully.

 

You said it!

[Hollyj]

The relationship is too far gone now. I wouldn't say things like you're a bully or abusive, but you did make that impact on her life and her self-esteem that you can't take back. Instead of letting her put herself down and allowing her to think that she isn't good for you, you should've been taking the responsibility and saying that you're not good enough for her. What's done is done, though. From here on out, you owe it to her to let her be okay on her own. You owe it to her to let her find her way and move on without you. You, in the meantime, should be working on yourself. Work on your ability to be humble. Go experience some life that may put some different perspective in your eyes. You have to stop trying to convince her that you've changed or that she's wrong. Let her be, and start actually changing and actually being someone who doesn't have such harsh blows to someone's heart during their "shortcomings." Once you've learned enough life and love from your heart and soul, then you can go and try to share that with someone else. Don't put yourself in a relationship if you're not okay for yourself. Again, what is done is done, and there's no changing that. So, do what you have to do. Let her go heal her heart without the pain of feeling so insecure.

 

She is a bully and abusive. She will pick another victim to hurt, unless she deals with her issues. She enjoys tearing others down.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she may have gotten advice, help and/or therapy from friends, family, support groups or a therapist for domestic abuse. They most likely advised her not to go back. Work on yourself, not trying to get her back with more bullying and negativity.

When we were together I would get angry and insult her, and have told her she wasn’t good enough. I think she just looks at me as a bully and negative energy. I want to get her back but I can’t keep talking to her trying to convince her that she is wrong.

[giraffeprint]

I’ve done bad things but I’m not a bad person. I’d just like to show her that I do care about her but I’ve overstepped my boundaries.

 

I’m seeking advice bc we still talk, she’s still willing to hang out with me, she even offered to help me with some housework last week.

 

I’m not justifying what I’ve done, it was wrong for sure, but there has to be some level of hope?

 

How do I know that she doesn’t want me to just shape up and do it right

[giraffeprint]

I don’t enjoy tearing anyone down. When angry, sometimes I don’t think of the consequences. I don’t think that is abnormal. I don’t maliciously attack for no reason. But I do accept that it is not appropriate and I am working on anger management

[Hollyj]

I’ve done bad things but I’m not a bad person. I’d just like to show her that I do care about her but I’ve overstepped my boundaries.

 

I’m seeking advice bc we still talk, she’s still willing to hang out with me, she even offered to help me with some housework last week.

 

I’m not justifying what I’ve done, it was wrong for sure, but there has to be some level of hope?

 

How do I know that she doesn’t want me to just shape up and do it right

 

Very selfish. Leave her alone!

 

Have you sought therapy?

[Hollyj]

I don’t enjoy tearing anyone down. When angry, sometimes I don’t think of the consequences. I don’t think that is abnormal. I don’t maliciously attack for no reason. But I do accept that it is not appropriate and I am working on anger management

 

You got something out of hurting her, or you wouldn't have been doing it.

 

It is not normal to do what you did. I find it distressing to hear that you do not understand this.

 

How are you "working on anger management?" Does it get to the root of your abusive tendencies?

[Starlight925]

When angry, sometimes I don’t think of the consequences. I don’t think that is abnormal.

 

It's actually highly abnormal. You need anger management therapy so that you can think of the consequences prior to speaking.

 

All you are doing here is removing yourself from the responsibility of your actions.

 

 

Very selfish. Leave her alone!

 

Have you sought therapy?

 

^^^ Please do this. Leave her alone, and seek therapy for your anger management issues.

[reinventmyself]

It's not surprising that someone who admits to being a bully would now insist that that same partner shouldn't break up with them.

You may not like what you hear but you are again being disrespectful when you dont respect her decision.

It's ok to question it. Not many walk away without at least trying.

But she sounds as if she's done

[Starlight925]

Unfortunately, I'm not able to give Hollyj any more reputation points yet, but I'd like to have you re-read all of Hollyj's posts on this matter.

[Hollyj]

Unfortunately, I'm not able to give Hollyj any more reputation points yet, but I'd like to have you re-read all of Hollyj's posts on this matter.

 

LOL! I can't do it for you either. :) The old set up was much better.

[giraffeprint]

Geesh and you guys want to talk about bullying? I appreciate the help, thanks

[Starlight925]

Geesh and you guys want to talk about bullying?

 

Deflecting. Another sign of abusive behavior.

 

I'm sorry, I have zeeeeeero sympathy.

 

I'm out of your thread.

[Hollyj]

Now, you are a victim. Funny, how the bullies always deflect.

[itsallgrand]

Respecting her decision about wanting to break up would show her you do take what she has to say seriously. It's ironically your best hope of her knowing you do care about her. It's thinking about what's good for her, not just what you want.

[giraffeprint]

Thank you to those with constructive responses. I’m definitely considering what you’re saying maybe it is best I just leave it alone

[bluecastle]

It's not a maybe, it's a definitely. She has told you where she stands. You can listen, or put your own thoughts/feelings/hopes before hers. It's really that simple.

[Hollyj]

Didn't you have anger issues in 2012. Did you seek help at that point?