Are age gaps in relationships inherently immoral?

[mustlovedogs]

I've seen many photos of his home, and I've read articles about his friends (local politics). I don't know them yet but I don't have a problem with that.

 

Naive. Names can be faked, photos can be stolen.

[yatsue]

Depending on how the next few years go, my answer would be yes. It just doesn't make sense to me to turn down however many years I might get to spend with him, just because there's a good chance he'll die first.

 

It's not only that, that fact is the obvious one. The other is this won't last long regardless. If you marry, you are guaranteed to be divorced because of many factors:

 

1.Family acceptance (especially if there is a financial/inheritance concern)

2. Question of children

3. Imbalance of power

4. Blending families

5. Illness/aging at different rates

6. Sexual problems

 

It will be worthwhile to watch this (skip first part):

 

 

Sure, you two may be together for several years or so, but it will not last like other true longterm marriages for decades, give or take. You go into this accepting it will not last, yet treat it like a serious longterm relationship. You can't have both. We all have undetermined deaths, but the candidate you choose has an extremely accelerated death approaching. If you came in here treating this as a casual relationship, I wouldn't have anything to say to you. You do you until you decide when and who you want to be with forever.

 

However, you are treating this as a serious longterm relationship (marriage, kids) when you shouldn't. Everyone here is warning you as best as they can, you will get hurt very badly if you treat this seriously. Whether that's being alone as a widow in your middle age with decreasing prospects for companionship sailing away, or choosing to paternally orphan a potential child prematurely. The diffence is you know for a fact he is going to die early, versus having an untimely death. We, nor your parents, want you to waste your youth on a cut short, no go relationship. A premature death is a tragedy. A natural death of old age is, well, a fact of life. You deliberately choose to ignore the facts of life.

[makenzie23]

Naive. Names can be faked, photos can be stolen.

 

I found his friends names through internet snooping when I was Googling him for safety. His name and their names were in articles together, I know he's telling the truth about those things, I've verified it. As for the photos of his home... he's always in the photos so I'm not entirely sure what you're referring to.

[mustlovedogs]

I found his friends names through internet snooping when I was Googling him for safety. His name and their names were in articles together, I know he's telling the truth about those things, I've verified it. As for the photos of his home... he's always in the photos so I'm not entirely sure what you're referring to.

 

You’re entirely missing the point.

 

THOSE specific minuscule things can be verified. Fine. But everything else? How do you know he’s told anyone about you?

 

I’m out. You’re setting yourself up for failure.

[makenzie23]

You’re entirely missing the point.

 

THOSE specific minuscule things can be verified. Fine. But everything else? How do you know he’s told anyone about you?

 

I’m out. You’re setting yourself up for failure.

 

Oh well of course I don't mind if he's told anyone about me or not. I haven't told anyone about him after all.

[Capricorn3]

When do you intend telling your parents about this old guy?

[makenzie23]

When do you intend telling your parents about this old guy?

 

Soon, within the next few weeks.

[MissCanuck]

Eh, this is going to fall apart as soon as anyone in your or his life finds out about it.

 

This has only gone on this long because it's all a secret. It won't last once it's not, so do be prepared for that, OP. He's against the idea of meeting your parents because he's not serious about you and knows this isn't really going anywhere. And he knows your parents will flip out, as do you.

 

I can almost promise you that you are not the only person he's "dating." He is very unlikely to be satisfied with the current situation so he probably has a woman closer to his own age that he does see regularly, without needing to have sex in cars to pretend she doesn't exist to his friends and family.

[Seraphim]

Ugh, I can sense the judgement for this coming lol. My car (not his, because his is a two seat convertible and not exactly... useable).

 

He is 58 and can’t afford a hotel ???

My 21 year old who is on disability could afford that.

[itsallgrand]

Soon, within the next few weeks.

 

Why not just tell them right away?

 

What do you have planned that you don't want to stop and think about?

[makenzie23]

He is 58 and can’t afford a hotel ???

My 21 year old who is on disability could afford that.

 

As I mentioned to someone else, he has invited me to a hotel multiple times.

[makenzie23]

Why not just tell them right away?

 

What do you have planned that you don't want to stop and think about?

 

First I feel it is important to discuss it with him in person, as it is his relationship too. Then I have been slowly hinting to my mom that I like older men, so it's not such a crazy shock when I tell her.

[Seraphim]

As I mentioned to someone else, he has invited me to a hotel multiple times.

So why hang in your car?

[SherrySher]

First thing that comes to mind (and I am sure it will come to many others), this old fart is taking advantage of a young girl who doesn't know any better.

I know you think you're a big girl and know what you're talking about...(we all thought this at 18) but you have so much to learn and see and to continue to emotionally mature.

You are still quite vulnerable and this man knows it and is taking advantage.

Yes, you can argue that point till the day is over, but it's true none the less.

He knows ten times the amount of knowledge in life that you do and he sounds like a predator.

 

People will wonder what is wrong with both of you mentally.

He is sleeping with someone so much younger than himself that it will cross people's minds if he's into being a bit of a pedophile. Yes, you're legal but you could be his daughter, that alone borders on disturbing.

As for you, what in the heck would you want will a man this much older than you?!? He will be retiring and getting very old by the time you are in the prime of your life.

It makes no sense.

I would question the mental components that might come into play as to why you feel the need to reach out for someone your dads age.

That too is disturbing.

 

And lastly, I would wonder how immature this man is that he can't make things work with an actual emotionally mature woman closer to his own age.

No doubt he would make all sorts of excuses or trying to butter you up that it's you he wants, etc and not an older woman, but make no mistake about it, men like him can't please a woman closer to his own age due to loads of defects, so he takes advantage of a young girl he can fool and/or control.

 

Men who are in their right minds and have fully developed mentally, don't want little girls, unless it's based on sex. But normally, they won't want someone as young as you for anything long term.

They want someone they can relate with, someone as far in life as they are, someone as experienced as themselves and has as much wisdom, etc.

This really does say something about him...and it's not anything good.

 

Good luck with telling your parents, I am quite sure the crap will hit the fan.

[kamurj]

The thread has run its course, closed.