Son's wedding and emotions

[bluecastle]

Big, big pixilated hugs!

 

I can’t begin to relate to the specifics here—no kids, etc.—but I often find myself in situations where there are lot of moving pieces, a lot of logistics, and underneath it all a lot of emotion that kind of gets suppressed by the whirl. And when the whirl stops, or slows, often that feeling comes on and just kind of HITS.

 

Call it exhaustion, call it being overwhelmed—who knows? It’s the world maybe just asking you to slow down for a moment, get a masssage, have a quiet glass of wine, feel some stuff, and put youreself first.

 

Your posts on here always strike me as full of bravery and wisdom and strength—this one especially.

 

And look at your beautiful son! Congrats!

[Jibralta]

I debated just writing this in my journal section but that instead I would put this out there for anyone who has been through this.

 

My youngest son got married last weekend. It was a destination wedding, 3 and a half days total.

 

100 guests for a meet and greet on Friday night and 200plus for the wedding. It was all as close to perfect as they come. My son and his now wife having been together for almost 8 years now, are each other’s best friend. I couldn’t be any happier for them.

 

The entire time was a mad dash from the moment we arrived, until we left to drive home. I pushed through the tears, shed just a few and held back the excitement to get down the task at hand. Add in the alcohol that helped to numb some of the anxiety that comes with your youngest child marrying and being part of a couple large events.

 

Heading home on Monday I could feel myself start to crash. I am totally caught off guard by the intense grief I am feeling. I have googled things about it and found that it is quite normal, but here it is Friday and I still so raw that I am struggling to get my balance.

 

I have set time aside to just cry when no one was around. I was so anxious on Tuesday it was grueling. The cry helped relieve some of this. People ask me about the wedding and I struggle to hold back the tears, so I don’t come off like a nut. But honestly, I am feeling a little nutty.

Some of it makes sense. .but I just didn’t see it coming.

 

Wondering if any other mothers went through the same thing. Similar stories would be helpful if you’d like to share.

 

I was actually wondering about this and meant to ask you how you fared.

 

I don't have any stories, but I find that I always cry at weddings, even when I don't know the bride or groom. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

 

I think that a lot of it has to do with the ceremony, which sort of calls on what is beyond us or larger than us. Any time I feel that *somethingness* meeting life, it overwhelms me a little.

 

I am more in touch with it when I am emotionally vulnerable. Like after a break up, etc. But ceremonies trigger it, too.

 

Beautiful photo. Congratulations.

 

I hope your mom feels better, soon.

[reinventmyself]

I was with some friends tonight and thought to ask one of them who has three children, two sons and one daughter, all married with grandchildren. I asked her if there was a difference between the emotions she felt between her daughter getting married vs her sons. Her eyes welled up.with tears when she shared while being very close to her daughter, having her sons marry was much more of an emotional experience.

[SherrySher]

If you're anything like me, it doesn't matter how old your son get's..every time you look at him, you see the sweet little boy. Those are tough emotions to contain when you see him having a huge milestone like marriage.

It's a very happy occasion, but the last of the little boy is gone.

I mourn every version of my boy...from babyhood to toddler, little boy, etc. It's tough to let each piece go...I get it, I really do.

 

I am sorry to hear about your mom, I hope she heals quickly. In the meantime, I hope you take time for yourself, self care, rest, etc. Sending many hugs.

[milly007]

I was with some friends tonight and thought to ask one of them who has three children, two sons and one daughter, all married with grandchildren. I asked her if there was a difference between the emotions she felt between her daughter getting married vs her sons. Her eyes welled up.with tears when she shared while being very close to her daughter, having her sons marry was much more of an emotional experience.

 

I can understand this. I think in your friend's case it goes back to what katrina said earlier in this thread and what has been said to me by my own mother many times, ''A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he finds a wife...''. This saying could not be more true, imo. I have older brothers, one of whom is married. He keeps a fairly low profile in my parents lives because he's busy with his wife and kids. He'll call and pop in every now and then for a visit (or we'll visit him), but I talk to my parents much more frequently and see them more often (and I was this way even when in relationships. My parents always came first. This could be another reason why I'm single. Haha :).

 

In your case, I think the tears are surfacing because your emotionally and physically drained. Your youngest's destination wedding was more than emotionally trying (because you had to deal with the time building up to the big day as well), and then you returned home to a sick mom which no doubt overwhelmed you.

 

Hope you're feeling better, reinvent, and enjoying some quiet time for yourself. You kinda need it! :)

[reinventmyself]

Thankyou everyone for the thoughtful words and support :)