How to proceed after two good dates with a girl?

[Long Gone]

Hey bbogdanov

 

Very much feel for you in all of this, and totally understand if you feel hurt by all of this, I know I would. Never forget my last ex when we first got to know each other saying 'I hope you do trust me, sometimes you have to open your heart and take a risk'...... yeah I did, and she dumped me 6 weeks later.

 

I really hope she does get back in touch with you and things to progress to another date.

[bbogdanov]

End of story

 

It turned out she is very busy at the university (she goes to evening lectures after work) and she "couldn't give me the time I need". And now she realizes "she hasn't got enough time for a serious relationship at the moment". "It seems the time is not right..."

 

I can now write a book with a ton of these stereotypical explanations I've been rejected so many times that I don't take it seriously anymore - It really makes me laugh. I may be the reason for the outcome but it is really funny. Please, come up with something new

 

The journey continues...

[reinventmyself]

figureitout23: Yeah, I know I am not in a relationship but I expect people to have the same level of care I do (not that this is justified, it's just my way of thinking which appears to not be universal).

 

I am often disappointed that people don't think the same way I do. Life would be so much easier, wouldn't it?

(a little sarcasm mixed with some truth)

 

I am sorry it didn't work out, B.

 

I'm not sure which bothers me more, hearing the truth or not knowing and waiting.

It's kinda like waiting for the results of some scary medical testing.

[Long Gone]

End of story

 

It turned out she is very busy at the university (she goes to evening lectures after work) and she "couldn't give me the time I need". And now she realizes "she hasn't got enough time for a serious relationship at the moment". "It seems the time is not right..."

 

I can now write a book with a ton of these stereotypical explanations I've been rejected so many times that I don't take it seriously anymore - It really makes me laugh. I may be the reason for the outcome but it is really funny. Please, come up with something new

 

The journey continues...

 

What an inspiration you are!

Seriously respect you being able to laugh it off. My little experience in these matters, generally means I get hurt easily and I'd have been in bits. I need to be more like you!

 

Good luck on the journey!

[figureitout23]

End of story

 

It turned out she is very busy at the university (she goes to evening lectures after work) and she "couldn't give me the time I need". And now she realizes "she hasn't got enough time for a serious relationship at the moment". "It seems the time is not right..."

 

I can now write a book with a ton of these stereotypical explanations I've been rejected so many times that I don't take it seriously anymore - It really makes me laugh. I may be the reason for the outcome but it is really funny. Please, come up with something new

 

The journey continues...

 

How did this admission come about.

 

Be honest, I think it’s inportant to the outcome.

 

Did she offer this information up unprovoked or did you have to drag it out of her?

 

Yes unfortunately at this point I think it’s safe to say she is definitely giving you a brush off but what caused it it seem to come out of nowhere so I feel like there’s a piece of the story missing what occurred to make her change her mind so suddenly

[Wiseman2]

Oh well. It was only 4 dates, so next! However next time take things slower and pace yourself. Don't overwhelm your dates, or pressure for too many dates too soon and especially learn to let the woman suggest sex, sleepovers or at home dates first, so that this doesn't keep happening. .

she "couldn't give me the time I need". And now she realizes "she hasn't got enough time for a serious relationship at the moment". "It seems the time is not right..."

[bbogdanov]

What an inspiration you are!

Seriously respect you being able to laugh it off. My little experience in these matters, generally means I get hurt easily and I'd have been in bits. I need to be more like you!

 

Good luck on the journey!

 

Not that I have much experience with women but for the past year or so I've been on dates with more than 20 girls and it is inevitable. A man gets used to rejection, apologies, excuses and so on... You become somewhat immune to it.

[Long Gone]

Not that I have much experience with women but for the past year or so I've been on dates with more than 20 girls and it is inevitable. A man gets used to rejection, apologies, excuses and so on... You become somewhat immune to it.

 

Good for you getting out there. I took the rejection after 2 and half months bad. I think once I feel healed and I've lost the bulk of my weight, then next year I intend to get out there again.

[bbogdanov]

How did this admission come about.

 

Be honest, I think it’s inportant to the outcome.

 

Did she offer this information up unprovoked or did you have to drag it out of her?

 

Yes unfortunately at this point I think it’s safe to say she is definitely giving you a brush off but what caused it it seem to come out of nowhere so I feel like there’s a piece of the story missing what occurred to make her change her mind so suddenly

 

She texted me yesterday (two days after our final text conversation) to see how I am and told me she would call me later in the evening. We had a phone conversation and when I asked her if she wanted to go out on a date some time soon, she told me she is very busy with school recently. The semester has started two weeks ago and she hadn't expected it to be so time consuming (she is going to work from 9 to 5, then going to lectures from 6 to 10 Mon-Fri and in the weekend there are lectures from 9 to 5). She said she enjoys my company but she has no time at the moment and she doesn't want to "tie me down". If "something comes up" (another girl) I am allowed to "jump in" (her words).

 

I don't know if there's a piece of the story missing, I try to explain everything here in order to get the best advice possible. She just made a 180 degrees turn, but she has her own right, I am not owed anything...

[bbogdanov]

Oh well. It was only 4 dates, so next! However next time take things slower and pace yourself. Don't overwhelm your dates, or pressure for too many dates too soon and especially learn to let the woman suggest sex, sleepovers or at home dates first, so that this doesn't keep happening. .

 

The strange thing is that she was deciding the pace of things. She initiated calls, texts, dates... She was leading me and she rushed things initially (I have no problem with that) - including presenting me to a friend of hers at the 3rd date. For a couple of days we were already acting like a bf/gf - holding hands, kissing, hugging, learning a lot of info about each other. But maybe my invitation has scared her somehow. Not that my invitation would speed things up. It was totally in line with the progression of things. But maybe because I did it, not her, she sensed (somehow, I don't know how) this like rushing things or like she is losing control. That's my best theory about what happened...

[Jibralta]

It's also possible that it has nothing to do with you, or how you acted.

 

She might have run into an old flame, for all you know. Or, she may have been multi-dating and things really took off with another guy just as she was starting to see you. That happens. I have been in that situation myself, where I really like both guys, but for whatever reason things just moved forward faster with Guy A than with Guy B. Sometimes it's something as stupid as proximity. When in that situation, I have given the "I'm too busy" excuse because I'm not necessarily fully invested in a relationship with Guy A and want to keep the Guy B option open. But I'm at a point with both of them where things are obviously moving forward, and I don't want to string Guy B along while I explore the Guy A option. Also, sometimes guys really don't want to know that you've been multi-dating.

 

It could also be as she says: her life is too busy at the moment. However, I tend not to buy the "too busy" excuse, because I personally am never too busy to spend time with someone that I really want to see.

 

My bet is that she is in a situation like the one I described above.

[figureitout23]

I’m surprised that’s your best theory.

 

I really think your actions after she changed her mind attributed to this.

 

Obviously we don’t know how others perceive us, but even you admitted you were a bit needy. After 4 dates, it’s a critical time. You were at a fork in the road

[bbogdanov]

We can only speculate about the reasons behind the situation. What do you mean by my actions? Is there something specific?

[figureitout23]

We can only speculate about the reasons behind the situation. What do you mean by my actions? Is there something specific?

 

Honestly no.

 

Its just very hard to understand why she went from 100 to 0.

 

She knew her schedule when she met you.

 

Like Jilbralta said, maybe there was someone else.

 

To me, its that or your interaction afterwards.

 

The reason I say that is she seemed pretty ok after the incident, distant, but she may have been a little embarrassed or felt bad for cancelling. I really dont think you asking her to your place was wrong though. You had every right to ask and she had every right to decline, its not a big deal in the grand scheme of things so for things to fall off after that?

 

Color me confused.

 

At the end of the day, the only reason I think its should even be given a second though is because theres room for improvement and lessons to be learned.

[bbogdanov]

She didn't know her schedule when we met, the semester started couple of days later and it is her first year at the university. She was even making plans during the first week of semester which weekdays we can meet on - she was trying to find which lectures are mandatory and which she can afford to not go to. During the second week it turned out that she is busy with work/study 12/7 and given the fact I'd screwed things up, I guess it was easy for her to decide to let go of that burden (me ).

 

I asked what did you mean because of "I really think your actions after she changed her mind attributed to this.

 

Obviously we don’t know how others perceive us, but even you admitted you were a bit needy. After 4 dates, it’s a critical time. You were at a fork in the road" - I didn't fully understand that.

 

And what you said is 100% sure - there is ALWAYS room for improvement and lessons to be learned. You can never be perfect.