Here's the update! And now I want your help to detox from him, forever!

[Elavohra]

I googled codependent no more free pdf and actually a few links came up that deal with codependency...I hope you're able to find them and that they will help.

 

I think you're making really good choices for yourself in terms of healing and becoming a better self. The bottom line is, do this for yourself, take care of yourself and be strong for yourself.

You don't need to do those things for a man! You matter more and you deserve better.

 

See, I have jotted down a few points about my transformation.

1. Clear competitive exam and get a job.

2. Get in my perfect shape

3. Practice of not getting attached too soon and stick to my boundaries, no matter who proposes me. If they like me, they'll be afraid to lose me, just like I get afraid of people abandoning me.

4. Practice of talking less and working more. And always keep in mind that people will be judging me no matter what, and I should be thick skinned. And my happiness depends on me.

 

And I know the above mentioned things are easier said than done ,but getting out of comfort zone is the only option I am left with.

[boltnrun]

5. If someone asks me to do something that's inconvenient, is beyond my budget or that I don't have time to do (barring an emergency, such as needing a ride to the ER for example), I will NOT be afraid to say "No, sorry I can't". And I will not back down if they try to manipulate or bully me.

[Elavohra]

5. If someone asks me to do something that's inconvenient, is beyond my budget or that I don't have time to do (barring an emergency, such as needing a ride to the ER for example), I will NOT be afraid to say "No, sorry I can't". And I will not back down if they try to manipulate or bully me.

 

Hey boltnrun!

Actually speaking, I do say "NO" to things which are out of my convince but I fail to say "NO" when I am in a relationship with someone or dating someone.

However, I had a relationship of 4 months or so (virtually). And dated a guy for two weeks (virtually), I'll be all like trying to be that perfect girlfriend who tends to forgive everything whether I have personally liked it or not. And at the end all the mistakes of not working things out comes on me and they'll rub that on my face and will stab me with that.

So, this is where I have to maintain my standards and not surrender just to make them happy. Because in general, with my family and friends I say "NO" to things if it's affecting my peace of mind or is out of my convince.

I need help and advice for future dating and relationship.

[MissCanuck]

Actually speaking, I do say "NO" to things which are out of my convince but I fail to say "NO" when I am in a relationship with someone or dating someone. However, I had a relationship of 4 months or so (virtually). And dated a guy for two weeks (virtually), I'll be all like trying to be that perfect girlfriend who tends to forgive everything whether I have personally liked it or not. And at the end all the mistakes of not working things out comes on me and they'll rub that on my face and will stab me with that.

 

The problem is that you consider these online communications to be dating and relationships. You invest way more than these guys do, simply because they don't see it the same way. How can it be dating when you haven't actually been on a date with them? I am genuinely curious as to how you define this as dating.

 

Do you actually date offline, or only these virtual relationships?

[Elavohra]

The problem is that you consider these online communications to be dating and relationships. You invest way more than these guys do, simply because they don't see it the same way. How can it be dating when you haven't actually been on a date with them? I am genuinely curious as to how you define this as dating.

 

Do you actually date offline, or only these virtual relationships?

 

I have never ever dated anyone in real life, neither have had a relationship in real. I have never ever hugged anyone. So basically , I invested in my fantasy way too much. The thing is I find I am way too immature and indecisive enough to understand things. I feel so bad that deep inside I am not a smart, decisive, independent and emotionally strong woman as per my age. I am 26 years old and I make mistakes as if I am a bloody teenager, freshly finished my high school. Nothing couldn't be as bad as considering online dating or relationship as real, rather than talking to them in person.

I want to work upon all this negative side of mine.

[Wiseman2]

Do you live with your parents? Is dating allowed in your country?

I have never ever dated anyone in real life, neither have had a relationship in real. I am 26 years old

[Elavohra]

Do you live with your parents? Is dating allowed in your country?

 

Yes, I live with my parents and yes, dating is allowed in my country. and I do interact with guys but then in the real world, I have not found that spark I seek for in a guy. Or may be because I usually stay grounded and remain unapproachable because I maintain high standards. But I don't know what happened, I don't know why I couldn't say "NO" or turn down their proposals when it came to these two guys.

Guy no:1- Was my classmate, we were in the same class from 7th grade to 12th grade. Then we stayed in a nonchalant touch. And later after almost 5 years of nonchalant gap we began texting each other, and then you know... but we never met while in our courtship period. And then breakup and now both of us don't know any whereabouts of each other.

Guy no:2- we studied together for four months in the year 2016, he had a crush on me but didn't express anything later he got to know that I am dealing with my breakup so he sort of used to talk to me and used to motivate me to focus on my life and exams and career. After almost 1.5 years he expressed that he had crush on me and he still like me and want to date me, he kept on persuaded me until I agreed to date him but we dated for only two weeks (actually texted each other for two weeks) then he complained that I have got too attached in a little span of time, so he decided to quit everything.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you live a sheltered life and are afraid of dating/men. Have your parents talked about an arranged marriage?

I live with my parents and yes, dating is allowed in my country.

[Elavohra]

It sounds like you live a sheltered life and are afraid of dating/men. Have your parents talked about an arranged marriage?

 

Well, if I didn't find any, they'll then have to go for my arrange marriage only.

And deep inside I have confidence issue, self esteem issue. I look and behave like a independent, bold woman but the ground reality is I am dependent, unadventurous, coward and weak.

I am not calling myself any name, but this is the truth. I want to work upon my emotional health. And I want to work upon it silently, own my own.

But I don't know where to begin from.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are desperate and scrambling to avoid the arranged marriage thing and that's why you think you're in love after texting someone for 2 weeks whom you've never met. It also sounds like you need to be a virgin for this inevitable arranged marriage and at 26 the clock is ticking for them to marry you off.

if I didn't find any, they'll then have to go for my arrange marriage

[Elavohra]

It sounds like you are desperate and scrambling to avoid the arranged marriage thing and that's why you think you're in love after texting someone for 2 weeks whom you've never met. It also sounds like you need to be a virgin for this inevitable arranged marriage and at 26 the clock is ticking for them to marry you off.

 

Haaaaan! My parents aren't talking about my marriage. They're not asking me to get married ASAP. Both my family and myself want me to get married by 28 or 29 but not anytime soon and no I am not in love with that guy.

It seems, even here my concerned matter has taken a drift.

My problem is I don't think I got attached because when he called the things off, I never got any urge to talk to him. And when he said that I got attached in a little span of time. I was all like, what! What is he trying to say, just because I like texting him it nowhere means I am getting attached to him. It's been I don't know how many days but I have neither texted him nor had/have any urge to text him. I am neither interested in him. All.I am wondering is, why did he end up rubbing his own mistake on my face and stabbing me with I got attached to him.

 

I would rather one put a pause over this topic. I want to work upon something else, my issues are also related to myself which is eventually generated by the relationship/dating scenario because even I myself was not aware of it so far. I was seeking for advice on how to build confidence, and improve self esteem, and set small goals and achieve them daily.

Not all this marriage and all stuff to which I am not even thinking right now. I was just curious why guys run away, when they want me to date them. That was the matter, nothing else

[Annia]

What does dating on WhatsApp mean?

[Elavohra]

What does dating on WhatsApp mean?

 

Lol! Oh relax! Now I have forgotten everything, and going busy with my preparations and papers. It was just a moment and you know as day passes by other things falls into your priority list not the things from the past!

[MissCanuck]

Lol! Oh relax! Now I have forgotten everything, and going busy with my preparations and papers. It was just a moment and you know as day passes by other things falls into your priority list not the things from the past!

 

Er...what?

[Elavohra]

Er...what?

 

Er.... Don't know, don't remember!

[Capricorn3]

I'll try again: "What does dating on WhatsApp mean?"

[Elavohra]

I'll try again: "What does dating on WhatsApp mean?"

 

Ummm, well! It's like you've invested your emotions or lets say interest in texting to a person. Just because you're texting often, you begin thinking he's the best, he's got no flaws at all and he's all yours. But, when he's done texting you and make you realise that you're just an another girl for him and eventually you're forced to hit the reality. And you're like, wow! What did just happen?! 😂😂

[MissCanuck]

Ummm, well! It's like you've invested your emotions or lets say interest in texting to a person. Just because you're texting often, you begin thinking he's the best, he's got no flaws at all and he's all yours. But, when he's done texting you and make you realise that you're just an another girl for him and eventually you're forced to hit the reality. And you're like, wow! What did just happen?! 😂😂

 

This is why you need to unplug and meet guys in real life.

 

You have a whole relationship fantasy built up in your mind, and the men you're texting with very likely see that and cut it off. It's too much pressure and not a reflection of real dating.

[Elavohra]

This is why you need to unplug and meet guys in real life.

 

You have a whole relationship fantasy built up in your mind, and the men you're texting with very likely see that and cut it off. It's too much pressure and not a reflection of real dating.

 

Hahahaha 😁 Right, you're! And don't you worry, I am not gonna do anymore virtual dating and all. I myself is sick of committing these mistakes and all.

I need to stick onto my standards and boundaries.