How to land a date?

[ericw899]

So some of you may remember, I've been going through a tough breakup, and have had a hard time letting my ex go. We have decided to end contacts and any strings attached, and I want to move on.

 

So there is this woman who works at my gym that I find really attractive and seems to have the same bubbly personality as my ex which I had fallen in love with. I have never spoken to this woman other then the casual "Hello" or "Have a good night" on the way out. I do however know that she is single, as I ironically came across her on tinder, but I rather make a move in person instead of being a creep on tinder.

 

The thing is, I am very socially awkward, and don't have much confidence. In fact I have never approached a woman in public (I met my ex on tinder) & really don't know how to. So my question is, how do I go about getting to know this woman, without being a creep, and how do I eventually land a date with her?

[ManyDates]

You aren't over your ex yet - so don't bother wasting anyones time with dates until you are. (If you still bring them up, you aren't even close to over them - FACT)

[Long Gone]

You aren't over your ex yet - so don't bother wasting anyones time with dates until you are. (If you still bring them up, you aren't even close to over them - FACT)

 

Totally agree. The fact you are comparing her to your ex regarding similar personality is a major red flag. Don't break someone else like they broke you.

[Andrina]

It's too soon to date. It depends how long the relationship lasted to determine how long you should stay single, but a minimum would be four months, and since you didn't want the ex to leave, probably longer. Trying to put a bandaid on your wounds is not moving on. You have to cycle through all the steps of mourning and healing before you're ready to be a good partner to anyone.

 

I would assume some gyms might advise their workers to not date clients, so be aware of this possibility. And think about what would happen if she said no or if you briefly dated and it didn't work out. Would you want to continue going to this gym or not? Would you have to switch to another gym, if they even have an abundance in your area?

 

After you've mourned, if you want to take a chance anyway, say a few more things to her each time you go and see how receptive she is, although bubbly people might be friendly to everyone and it might be hard to see if she's interested. You can start with simple things like: So, how's your day going so far? If she asks you how your day has gone, you can share little snippets to reveal a little about your life, like where you work, etc. Good luck.

[ericw899]

The reason I'm looking to date is because my therapist recommended it as a good idea to build confidence, and this woman is the first person I've been attracted to in months.

[ericw899]

Be aware of this. I'm bubbly and it's often mistaken for flirty and interested. You have to be able to read body language too on bubbly people. I know if I'm not keeping eye contact they need to take is as disinterested, lol

 

Thank you for the advice. I should point out I don't think she is interested in me, as I don't think she has even really noticed me. But I think her having a bubbly personality makes me more comfortable and more approachable.

[ManyDates]

The reason I'm looking to date is because my therapist recommended it as a good idea to build confidence, and this woman is the first person I've been attracted to in months.

 

Your therapist sucks - find a new one. I suggest a free one, his name is Corey Wayne on YouTube - search for your question and he has REAL answers. You need to dissect what went wrong before in order to move forward, he'll answer in his vids.

[figureitout23]

The reason I'm looking to date is because my therapist recommended it as a good idea to build confidence, and this woman is the first person I've been attracted to in months.

 

I'm always surprised when I hear therapists say date especially days after a relationship ended... just doesn't add up. I don't care if it was two month it did damage to you, which SCREAMS you have unresolved issues that makes relationships challenging to you. By jumping into something else you're just shifting your baggage.

 

As a single woman if I knew you wanted to pursue me and I knew you posted this, I'd run so far away from you it isn't even funny. And no I wouldn't even want something casual with someone still hung up on their ex.

 

Human beings aren't coping mechanisms anyone who suggests they are must not realize people have feelings.

[ericw899]

I'm always surprised when I hear therapists say date especially days after a relationship ended... just doesn't add up. I don't care if it was two month it did damage to you, which SCREAMS you have unresolved issues that makes relationships challenging to you. By jumping into something else you're just shifting your baggage.

 

As a single woman if I knew you wanted to pursue me and I knew you posted this, I'd run so far away from you it isn't even funny. And no I wouldn't even want something casual with someone still hung up on their ex.

 

Human beings aren't coping mechanisms anyone who suggests they are must not realize people have feelings.

 

I understand where you are coming from. I think she suggests me dating because I have zero social skills and she wants me to improve that first, whether it be through going on dates or meeting new people. I do want to set the record straight though and point out I would never commit to something I wasn't ready for or put a woman in position to get hurt. Women's feelings are the most important thing to me when it comes to dating/relationships, so I would never put her in a position where I would screw her over if my ex came a calling. I would however like to go on a couple dates and see what there is between us

[figureitout23]

I understand where you are coming from. I think she suggests me dating because I have zero social skills and she wants me to improve that first, whether it be through going on dates or meeting new people. I do want to set the record straight though and point out I would never commit to something I wasn't ready for or put a woman in position to get hurt. Women's feelings are the most important thing to me when it comes to dating/relationships, so I would never put her in a position where I would screw her over if my ex came a calling. I would however like to go on a couple dates and see what there is between us

 

It still begs the question, why would a therapist suggest dating days out of a relationship? Why not suggest meetups? Striking up a conversation with a coworker?

 

I'm sure you are not seeking out hurting someone else. I don't think anyone rebounding does. But unfortunately whether it's them or you, someone gets hurt.

 

It's your life of course, it just seems like an incredibly bad idea to pursue someone who reminds you of your ex. Such a bad idea.

[ericw899]

It still begs the question, why would a therapist suggest dating days out of a relationship? Why not suggest meetups? Striking up a conversation with a coworker?

 

I'm sure you are not seeking out hurting someone else. I don't think anyone rebounding does. But unfortunately whether it's them or you, someone gets hurt.

 

It's your life of course, it just seems like an incredibly bad idea to pursue someone who reminds you of your ex. Such a bad idea.

 

Thank you for your feedback. We've actually been broken up for 2 months now, but have been talking almost everyday since, so I understand. If I did get a date with this gym girl, and my ex called me & said she wanted to reconcile I would be in a really ugly position.

[limichelle]

Yeah you need to be at the point where if your ex wanted you back you would have moved on enough to know that wasn't even an option! I say don't date until you get to that mindset, it takes time!

[MissCanuck]

Thank you for your feedback. We've actually been broken up for 2 months now, but have been talking almost everyday since, so I understand. If I did get a date with this gym girl, and my ex called me & said she wanted to reconcile I would be in a really ugly position.

 

Then you are in no position to date. Your therapist is giving you bad advice here.

 

Developing social skills is important, yes. Using unwitting women to practice on, when you're still hung up on your ex? Not okay. Don't do this.

[ericw899]

Don't allow yourself to be so hung up on your ex! She has sex with other guys and tells you. What is still so appealing to you about her?

 

She was my first everything. First girlfriend, first kiss, first sexual encounter. She was my future. It's hard to give that up

[abitbroken]

I understand where you are coming from. I think she suggests me dating because I have zero social skills and she wants me to improve that first, whether it be through going on dates or meeting new people. I do want to set the record straight though and point out I would never commit to something I wasn't ready for or put a woman in position to get hurt. Women's feelings are the most important thing to me when it comes to dating/relationships, so I would never put her in a position where I would screw her over if my ex came a calling. I would however like to go on a couple dates and see what there is between us

 

I think you should practice social skills by joining toastmasters, by meeting new people through meetup groups -- even guy friends. You are putting a woman in a position to get hurt by asking her out on a date -- where you don't know her as a friend already and you ask her for drinks or dinner -- it means you are interested. When you are over your ex then you can date.

[Wiseman2]

Nothing creepy about suggesting meeting for coffee on tinder, that's why people are on it.

came across her on tinder, but I rather make a move in person instead of being a creep on tinder.

[JaggerJim]

Nothing creepy about suggesting meeting for coffee on tinder, that's why people are on it.

 

Strike up a conversation at the gym and then ask her if she'd like to go get coffee after. She can read between the lines can't she, well you'd like to think so.

[ericw899]

Aww, understood. Don't date yet then, not until you feel okay to do so. Even casual dates may make you feel worse. But trust in this---you will heal from it. We all have a first, and we all healed and moved on from them. You need to not idolize her, because believe me there's a better match out there for you.

 

Yeah I agree, I should hold off on dating. I'm too shy to even talk to this girl at the gym who I'm really attracted to anyway. But I'm happy to say the last two days have been very encouraging, and my feelings for my ex are not nearly as strong. I almost laugh now at her attempts to get my attention or make me jealous.