tesscap21 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 I don't know, it's possible he felt something, but was unprepared for it, and became overwhelmed or something, not all that uncommon, especially with commitment phobes. I mean it does sound bizarre, this guy literally went from one total extreme to the other in less than 12 hours! What happened when you actually met in person last Friday, did you have sex or engage in anything physical? If not, he's a very weird "player" who would ghost you before anything physical happened (assuming that was his goal), but who knows. A friend of mine is on Tinder and has guys disappearing on her all the time after having what appeared to be a great couple of dates, usually after sex though. That’s why I’m so hurt and confused, because he literally did go from one extreme to the other overnight. When we met on Friday he was very respectful and sweet and then at the end asked if he could kiss me and gave me a small kiss. That was it, and he then proceeded to text me and tell me that kiss was very special and that he doesn’t mean to come off as weird but that he already is starting to feel something for me. He also said he was so excited for our next date and for all of our dates in the future. I feel like I must’ve said something he didn’t like on FaceTime because after that he stopped talking to me. But I have no idea what I could’ve said to push him away. Link to comment
sky09 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Was he fresh out of a relationship? Link to comment
maew Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 he then proceeded to text me and tell me that kiss was very special and that he doesn’t mean to come off as weird but that he already is starting to feel something for me. And this didn't set off red flags? When someone is confused it means they are trying to reconcile the fantasy going on in their head with the reality of the situation in front of them. Your hurt feelings about the situation are valid... he was trying to manipulate you after all. The fantasy was you believing that he would come in and be your prince charming... the reality was that he was probably just trying to get you into bed and when the opportunity didn't present itself right away, he decided he wanted nothing to do with you. There are people like this in the world, and lots more that aren't. Take your time getting to know someone and always look at the reality of the situation in front of you vs. the fantasy in your head. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 You know I'm actually wondering that now too because if I think about it, I do that. Not the "feel something you're special" stuff, but I do disappear quickly. Whether I'm not feeling it or it was too soon and I just couldn't deal with it. Tess, I doubt it was anything you said. No worries. There's more guys out there :) I can relate to that too, however I won't disappear completely, but there will be a bit of push/pull. Even with my new bf, there was a bit of push/pull in the early stages (mostly me). Some call it a game, I call it a dance. Same thing really except, at least for me, it was never intentional (like some sort of game or strategy) just a bit of "uncertainty" which in my experience is not at all uncommon. Also, from reading your last post, he doesn't sound like a player. I mean he didn't even try to get you into bed on your date. A "player" definitely would have or at least continued dating you until he tried and either succeeded, or didn't. Sounds like you had a very sweet date, and for whatever reason, he's pulled back. He may come round again, maybe not. If he does, think long and hard whether or not you want this sort of hot/cold, push/pull. I can handle it, and in some cases has led to LTR's but not everyone can. Link to comment
tesscap21 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 I can relate to that too, however I won't disappear completely, but there will be a bit of push/pull. Even with my new bf, there was a bit of push/pull in the early stages (mostly me). Some call it a game, I call it a dance. Same thing really except, at least for me, it was never intentional (like some sort of game or strategy) just a bit of "uncertainty" which in my experience is not at all uncommon. Also, from reading your last post, he doesn't sound like a player. I mean he didn't even try to get you into bed on your date. A "player" definitely would have or at least continued dating you until he tried and either succeeded, or didn't. Sounds like you had a very sweet date, and for whatever reason, he's pulled back. He may come round again, maybe not. If he does, think long and hard whether or not you want this sort of hot/cold, push/pull. I can handle it, and in some cases has led to LTR's but not everyone can. So he just texted me about an hour ago and said he decided to give me space and leave me alone because of my questioning if he still wanted to talk yesterday. Even though he ignored me all day and cancelled our plans for today and didn’t even acknowledge this question, he said he feels I’m not interested since I asked that. I said that I only asked because of how he was acting and that I felt that he was no longer interested. Then once again, he stopped answering after reading my text. Link to comment
tesscap21 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 Was he fresh out of a relationship? He did tell me that he was in a relationship for a little over a year and it recently ended, but that’s all he said and he didn’t say exactly how recent it was. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Well like I said in my original post, I went into it not expecting anything but then caught feelings unexpectedly. He also told me the same, and that he was also surprised to have fallen for someone especially so quickly. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I definitely wasn’t looking for a hookup either. I was just slowly starting to get back into dating as I’ve been single for awhile. That's no excuse, time to put on your big girl pants and like I said, first off heal and gain your confidence back and next take some time and decide what you want out of dating. As another poster pointed out if you were looking for entertainment you would have taken screen shots of those over the top comments and laughed with your friends. No one healthy tells someone they've known mere hours ( you said it's been a couple of weeks if you add up all your time spent together it would equal a couple of hours) all the stuff he was saying and I'm sorry but typically the people who fall for that type of talk are women/men who are seeking validation. I'm all for romance, I love me a great love story, unfortunately idealization does not belong in dating. He simply did not know enough about you to be saying the stuff he was saying and actually mean it. Take some time to figure out who you are and what you want. Going into the dating world without a game plan when you have baggage is like going into a lions den without armor. I agree, he will probably pop back up. Sounds like a wishy washy child who doesn't know what he wants and sees nothing wrong with love bombing. Not exactly relationship material Disappearing and reappearing is cruel not cute. Adults communicate, especially with someone they claim to have connected with. Link to comment
tesscap21 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 Update: he texted me a little while ago saying that we shouldnt talk anymore because I asked him yesterday if he still wanted to talk. That’s really all he said and then when explained why I questioned that he didn’t respond. Maybe he wasn’t just using that so it looked like it was my fault or maybe that question scared him away, but the only reason I asked it was because of his actions. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 He's trying to blame you for disappearing. I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 He's trying to blame you for disappearing. I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy. I agree, and absolutely waste no more time or mental energy on this bozo. Consider bullet successfully dodged; the guy's got some major issues - not your problem! Link to comment
tesscap21 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Today he just randomly started texting me sexual things out of nowhere. And then when I tried to ask him one more time if he was interested in me or if I’d see him again he stopped texting me. He lead me on and I wish I never fell for his lies but I now realize what kind of guy he is and he’s not one I want to be involved with. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Today he just randomly started texting me sexual things out of nowhere. And then when I tried to ask him one more time if he was interested in me or if I’d see him again he stopped texting me. He lead me on and I wish I never fell for his lies but I now realize what kind of guy he is and he’s not one I want to be involved with. Don't jump into the victim role Tess. If you do you'll never learn. As others have said you NEVER tell a man you barely know you have trust issues or insecurities it is a flashing sign that screams easy target or to normal men, drama. You don't date to cope and you certainly don't tell someone you're dating to cope. You fix yourself then you go out confidently and seek what you want. You 'caught feelings' cause you wanted to, you ignored the huge warning signs because you wanted to, you were all willing participant in all of this. Is this guy a jerk? Yeah a big one, but that doesn't excuse you exposing yourself to his horribly obvious games. Time to grow up and work on your self esteem and learn who you are and what you want. 'Just seeing what's out there' is not for the broken. It's probably one of the worst things you can do to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being single until you're ready. Link to comment
LootieTootie Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Today he just randomly started texting me sexual things out of nowhere. And then when I tried to ask him one more time if he was interested in me or if I’d see him again he stopped texting me. He lead me on and I wish I never fell for his lies but I now realize what kind of guy he is and he’s not one I want to be involved with. There's a lot of people like this on Dating apps... It's hard to weed these guys and gals (creeps) out so I suggest you tread carefully on there if you want to continue with Tinder and any other dating apps. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Ignore his behavior and comments. It has nothing to do with you. Blowing hot and cold is very common when someone is in the throes of breaking up and trying to get back together with an ex. he was in a relationship for a little over a year and it recently ended. Link to comment
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