Is he cheating on his long term girlfriend with me?

[limichelle]

OP

 

Sounds like you’re trying to hang on for the sake of not being alone! I would suggest you have more self respect and brave being alone. I wouldn’t waste time on someone wrong while someone right is out there!

[Gulliver]

Yes i want to walk away. If i were another girl though , i would want to know that my bf has been unfaithful to me. As a girl i think it's fair to even warn her about it. Not sure how to do that though. It's just a thought but i would rather walk away as it hurts like hell! Thank you beautiful people. Peace Love and Harmny hopefully be with us all

[Gulliver]

But you just responded to me that you wouldn't put up with and and you would leave.

 

2 months in is so early any red flags should be an indication you two aren't a good match. It can suck, especially if you got along well but it should be fairly easy to walk away from this.

 

I asked you if you were one of those people who thinks finding evidence of infidelity even though you don't plan to leave is a way to conduct yourself in a relationship and you said no but here you are.

 

The solution is very black and white and no it doesn't include harassing this random woman. if hes being untrustworthy its not worth it to pursue. If its you who has trust issues the damage is already done in this relationship, its an unexplainable phenomenon but people who have trust issues tend to attract untrustworthy people, completely illogical but I see it all the time. Your best bet is gooing to be remaining single for a bit to work on your trust issues.

 

Sorry i meant that what i had with him turned out to be a hook up instead of a relationship . It was supposed to be something beautiful

[Coolstorybro]

If he lied about his name, do you call him by his fake name or his real name?

[Gulliver]

I called his fake name when i didn't know . After i found out , i have been calling him baby, sexy, handsome, cutie, sweetie. He always calls me lovely, hun or sexy. I made sure i didn't start to call his real name as my friends made a point that he must be embarrassed as his name sounds odd.

I am thinking of asking the girl with loads of pics with him on fb. Randomly sending her a message- maybe asking her if he is still single as i have a crush on this guy? Really want to find out

[Starlight925]

Instead of all this ruminating, why don't you just bring all this up with him?

[boltnrun]

Why? Waste of time.

[Starlight925]

Why? Waste of time.

 

Because she wants to confront the girl.

 

Either bring it up to him, or drop it. But leave the girl out of it.

[Gulliver]

Because she wants to confront the girl.

 

Either bring it up to him, or drop it. But leave the girl out of it.

 

Im not confronting. i'm on her side if he is cheating on her and putting myself in her shoes. If my other half did that to me , i want to know about it. I don't want to be a fool. But if i send a message to her , it 's going to be just asking if he is single because i have a crush on him. I don't really want to get involved in someone's relationship even though this guy lied and hurt me . i would rather walk away. I can't ask him because he won't accept it, i know that for sure.

[boltnrun]

Im not confronting. i'm on her side if he is cheating on her and putting myself in her shoes. If my other half did that to me , i want to know about it. I don't want to be a fool. But if i send a message to her , it 's going to be just asking if he is single because i have a crush on him. I don't really want to get involved in someone's relationship even though this guy lied and hurt me . i would rather walk away. I can't ask him because he won't accept it, i know that for sure.

 

But you're not letting her know.

 

How is telling her you have a crush on him letting her know he's cheating??

 

No, you want to do this fake account "I have a crush " thing because you're hoping they are not actually a couple so you can keep dating him. That's my take anyway.

[Starlight925]

My vote remains: leave the entire situation and fuggedaboudit.

[Gulliver]

But you're not letting her know.

 

How is telling her you have a crush on him letting her know he's cheating??

 

No, you want to do this fake account "I have a crush " thing because you're hoping they are not actually a couple so you can keep dating him. That's my take anyway.

 

I just wish she knew, maybe from someone else. As i don't want her to be a fool being in a relationship with a cheater. It's just in my thought ( thinking if it were me, i would want to know and don't want to be cheated ) but i don't want to do it myself. That's why if i was gonna ever try to find out then, it would be more like- i have a crush on one of your fb friends, do you know if he is still single? along those lines.

 

My friends told me not to waste time with him as well.

[boltnrun]

I just wish she knew, maybe from someone else. As i don't want her to be a fool being in a relationship with a cheater. It's just in my thought ( thinking if it were me, i would want to know and don't want to be cheated ) but i don't want to do it myself. That's why if i was gonna ever try to find out then, it would be more like- i have a crush on one of your fb friends, do you know if he is still single? along those lines.

 

My friends told me not to waste time with him as well.

 

So why won't you take your friends' advice?

[SGH]

Sounds like you're pretty broken up that he's taken and want to tell her because then he will end up with nobody (and she won't have him anymore). Let her figure it out in her own time. If you knew the girl it would be different, but she's a stranger and your intentions for telling her are far from pure. Take your friend's advice.

[Gulliver]

Sounds like you're pretty broken up that he's taken and want to tell her because then he will end up with nobody (and she won't have him anymore). Let her figure it out in her own time. If you knew the girl it would be different, but she's a stranger and your intentions for telling her are far from pure. Take your friend's advice.

 

Hmmm, you think so? that's not good. I think it depends- i have a experiences being cheated too and i didn't forgive the ex although he kneeled down crying confessing it with me. I wouldn't have known if he hadn't told me as he did it abroad and drunk. I regret not forgiving him as now i know better and really respect what he did. At the time i was too naive and inexperienced so i broke up with him instead of trying to work things out.

 

In this case if i were her i wouldn't just break up with him ( from the experience above ). But i would try to work out what 's the problem and solve the problems together with him and see what's best for both of them.

 

So the honest answer is that i don't think it's always black or white as i used to think when i broke up with my ex. I wish i forgave him and worked things out to improve our relationship as i realised this too late now. Never mind . lessons learned.

[MissCanuck]

So you have never even asked him why he lied about his name? How did you discover his real name?

 

OP, with all due respect, you are too passive. I would have asked him for clarity on that long before now. I doubt your friend's theory that he's embarrassed about his name is accurate; it's more likely that your friend also think he's hiding something but didn't want to hurt you.

 

Now that you know he's also lied about being on social media, you need to make your exit. Don't be so afraid to drop a guy when he's giving you such suspicious feelings.

 

Out of curiosity, how did you meet him?

[SGH]

I'm not sure you took away the message I intended from my last post...

 

My goodness, why are you regretting ending a relationship where the guy cheated on you? You're all over the place. If someone breaks your trust and goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, it shows they don't know how to do conflict resolution and care more about how they feel than what's best for the relationship. I would never continue dating someone who was unfaithful to me, not just because thinking about the fact they were with someone else hurts, but because it says a lot about their character and relationship management skills.

 

It sounds like you don't intend to take anyone's advice about losing this guy. I guess you'll have to learn this lesson the hard way.

[Gulliver]

So you have never even asked him why he lied about his name? How did you discover his real name?

 

OP, with all due respect, you are too passive. I would have asked him for clarity on that long before now. I doubt your friend's theory that he's embarrassed about his name is accurate; it's more likely that your friend also think he's hiding something but didn't want to hurt you.

 

Now that you know he's also lied about being on social media, you need to make your exit. Don't be so afraid to drop a guy when he's giving you such suspicious feelings.

 

Out of curiosity, how did you meet him?

 

I saw his mails at his place and i asked him but i didn't want to you know ask why he lied because i thought he was embarrassed about it. No my friend is quite protective of me and now telling me to stop wasting time with him.

We met on a train journey. Thank you.

[Gulliver]

I'm not sure you took away the message I intended from my last post...

 

My goodness, why are you regretting ending a relationship where the guy cheated on you? You're all over the place. If someone breaks your trust and goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, it shows they don't know how to do conflict resolution and care more about how they feel than what's best for the relationship. I would never continue dating someone who was unfaithful to me, not just because thinking about the fact they were with someone else hurts, but because it says a lot about their character and relationship management skills.

 

It sounds like you don't intend to take anyone's advice about losing this guy. I guess you'll have to learn this lesson the hard way.

 

No i have decided to of course stop wasting time with him. Definitely. Everyone around me says so and that's the right thing to do. It's hard to think when you are inside of the situation as it's so emotional and hurtful. I will do the right thing not abusing myself any further. Thank you everyone , bow .

[figureitout23]

 

In this case if i were her i wouldn't just break up with him ( from the experience above ). But i would try to work out what 's the problem and solve the problems together with him and see what's best for both of them.

 

So the honest answer is that i don't think it's always black or white as i used to think when i broke up with my ex. I wish i forgave him and worked things out to improve our relationship as i realised this too late now. Never mind . lessons learned.

 

This is literally the best example of why one should resolve their baggage before they date.

 

So because YOU have regrets and unresolved feelings about an ex who cheated you are refusing to simply let this go and avoid all the drama and be happy.

 

Sounds silly when out that way right?

 

Look, no matter how you frame it, at the end of the day your best option is going to be to let this go and then do not date until you resolve your baggage.

[figureitout23]

I'm not sure you took away the message I intended from my last post...

 

My goodness, why are you regretting ending a relationship where the guy cheated on you? You're all over the place. If someone breaks your trust and goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, it shows they don't know how to do conflict resolution and care more about how they feel than what's best for the relationship. I would never continue dating someone who was unfaithful to me, not just because thinking about the fact they were with someone else hurts, but because it says a lot about their character and relationship management skills.

 

It sounds like you don't intend to take anyone's advice about losing this guy. I guess you'll have to learn this lesson the hard way.

 

SGH, often times a poster will start a thread and through discussing their situation reach a deeper understanding of their motives, purposefully or not.

[MissCanuck]

I saw his mails at his place and i asked him but i didn't want to you know ask why he lied because i thought he was embarrassed about it. No my friend is quite protective of me and now telling me to stop wasting time with him.

We met on a train journey. Thank you.

 

So what did he say?

 

The next time you see red flags, you need to run, OP. Don't stay around hoping the big warning signs are somehow not big warning signs.

[Gulliver]

So what did he say?

 

The next time you see red flags, you need to run, OP. Don't stay around hoping the big warning signs are somehow not big warning signs.

 

He said it was his middle name. He was still lying which i knew at that point. I thought it was related to his Facebook account which he obviously didn't want me to find out.

My friends told me better not to ask him why this and why that as it's unpleasant. So i didn't really go crazy about it. I was just calming down and see how things unfolded.

 

It seems quite clear that he might well be cheating- not 100% sure but so far -it's pointing towards that way quite strongly.

 

I actually sent a message to the girl asking her - I said i had a crush on this fb friend of yours , would you mind letting me know if he is single? She replied " don't contact me " then she blocked me.

[Gulliver]

I'm not sure you took away the message I intended from my last post...

 

My goodness, why are you regretting ending a relationship where the guy cheated on you? You're all over the place. If someone breaks your trust and goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, it shows they don't know how to do conflict resolution and care more about how they feel than what's best for the relationship. I would never continue dating someone who was unfaithful to me, not just because thinking about the fact they were with someone else hurts, but because it says a lot about their character and relationship management skills.

 

It sounds like you don't intend to take anyone's advice about losing this guy. I guess you'll have to learn this lesson the hard way.

 

One of my friends who was my ex's friend went on about love is about forgive and forget. So many divorces right now and sometimes cheating is actually the partner's fault. Sometimes the things that the partner does is even worse than cheating but men use sex as a way to revenge. I think he tried to make me forgive my ex for cheating on me. At the time i was willing to forgive him and in the end I decided that he couldn't be forgiven.

[figureitout23]

 

I actually sent a message to the girl asking her - I said i had a crush on this fb friend of yours , would you mind letting me know if he is single? She replied " don't contact me " then she blocked me.

 

Good for her.

 

I don't know why you asked for advice concidering you did the exact opposite of what every responder said, but now there's no where else to go with this but to let it go so I guess it worked out in the end.