Had to leave someone i love

[yamajii89]

My Best friend for 8 years and i have been living together for the past 2 years or so. we practically are borther's and sisters, we share a liking to almost everything, from movies, and beaches and other hobies such as music and martial arts etc...

 

but in the past 3 months or so i got to admit that ive develop some sort of feelings towards her, (must be due to all that cuddling) yeah we sleep right next to each other, but nothing really happens, besides cuddles. a few months ago i confessed this to her and she outright rejected me as being in the "older brother" mentor type zone, i sorta get it. and time went on.

 

However i cant help the feeling of feeling jealous from people who she go out with. Im not lacking on any dates as well, and i am also sexually active, She knows this too, as she is also my wing-girl. There's just something about her that brings me back down to earth. if this was any other girl i wouldve made some moves already.

 

i cant help it feel that im dying inside looking at her every day feeling that she cant be with me and no matter what i do, me and her wont be a reality. and to see her with some other guy whom i think is less deserving. and thats not a bias thing i mean i suppose it is, she does date really swell guys too and they dont bother me at all. i suppose i just want to see her with the right person really.

 

So i made a decision that we should split up as housemates and that she should move back to her dad which was just a few blocks away really, she just lives with me cos i have a comfier Mattress and better food. its been 3 days since i last saw her, i cant help it feel sad that she isnt around to curse at me to annoy the out of me. we didnt even get to finish the lord of the rings. I have nobody to talk to about anything anymore.

 

but i have no regrets, my heart is heavy due to my lost but my will is strong, and i think what i did was for the better.

[ThatwasThen]

but in the past 3 months or so i got to admit that ive develop some sort of feelings towards her, (must be due to all that cuddling) yeah we sleep right next to each other, but nothing really happens, besides cuddles. a few months ago i confessed this to her and she outright rejected me as being in the "older brother" mentor type zone, i sorta get it. and time went on.

Shame on her and you for crossing platonic relationship boundaries particularly if all she wanted from you is friendship. I don't get it, why do so many women want real life teddy bears to use as cuddle toys?

 

I'm of the mindset if you're not going to get down with a guy then don't be getting in bed with him. There is plenty of time to cuddle and bond as a couple without having sex every time AFTER you've become sexual.

 

Op: Don't be a simple friend's cuddle bear. Save that experience for someone who you are in a romantic relationship with.

[DaisyMayPorter]

I don’t understand either why “friends” cuddle but don’t get involved. I’ve never cuddled with a guy friend. I only cuddle with people I’m interested in. Why the heck were you sleeping in the same bed if you weren’t in a relationship?

[yamajii89]

Actually the cuddling bit is for me, i have insomnia i can go on for days without sleep its horrible, for some reason having someone to hug makes me sleep. embarrassing i know.

[ThatwasThen]

Actually the cuddling bit is for me, i have insomnia i can go on for days without sleep its horrible, for some reason having someone to hug makes me sleep. embarrassing i know.

 

That doesn't alleviate her for crossing platonic relationship boundaries. You're both crossing friendship boundaries that more times then not, just lead to confusion and, as you've found out, hurt.

 

It's good to know that you have enough self-respect to end things with her when she isn't reciprocating your feelings. You'll be fine in time.

 

 

Have you been to see your doctor to get some help for your insomnia. There are sleep clinics that he can send you to that hopefully will alleviate that for you.

[smackie9]

Go look at the Ladder Theory under cuddle Bit$%es and you will get some insight. Basically you were a BF without benefits. You need to man up and not do stuff like that. If you want a GF, find one and treat her as such. No fussing around and being beta. You did the right thing by cutting her off. You deserve better than small hand outs.

[yamajii89]

thanks, i suppose youre right, cuddling is sorta like a sexual thing or a romantic think for that. i dont have any regret on doing what i did, its just that i feel so alone, I got no one to talk to.

 

yeah ive checked up on it and dr said i just need more excersice and amongst a few other things like eating healthy, im not fat im actually quite fit. I just stopped going to the gym in the past 3 months and my insomnia is coming back. nothing major really.

[Hollyj]

That's sad.

 

You made the right decision, though. Don't break NC.

[yamajii89]

i suppose im still hoping she comes to her senses. but she's also the kind that probably would want to move on. I dont know, i herd from her Best friend, that the day i told her i had to say goodbye she came running down to her place and cried all night. might be pointless but im still hopeful.

[HealingLight]

I'm replying to this for the insomnia bit, since I'm a major insomniac myself (medical reasons). Consider acupuncture, magnesium/calcium supplements, getting an earthing sheet for your bed, binaural beats through sleep phones, somatic therapy, float tanks, EFT, etc. Don't let this slide too long despite the doctor's lack of concern because it can cause a host of other problems for you down the line.

 

But, the good news is they do make ridiculous looking pillows shaped like other people or ones that wrap around your body so you can hang onto them.

 

She lived with you so that she could sleep in your more comfortable mattress and eat your food? That just sounds sad--lots of mixed signals from her, so I do think you will be in a much better headspace after you are out of the acute phase of missing her. Plus, no woman that you could potentially have a relationship with would be comfortable with your house guest that sleeps in your bed and cuddles with you at night but is just "platonic." Damn.

[HealingLight]

Ps. I find that so bizarre that someone would cuddle with you regularly and not be attracted to you because I would never cuddle with someone that I didn't have some sort of feelings for beyond friend.

[1tym]

I didn't do all of what you did. Though I let go of the one I love with every inch of my being. I believed that she should be with me as I am the right person for her. Then I realized it didn't matter what I think or even know. It doesn't matter if I knew the future 200% snd that whoever she ends up with would never be more than how I would treat her. Its the feeling and emotions that she have are not enough to be with me. Same for you, it was incredibly hard to realize this then to actually let go. However I tell you what I feel much better about everything. Once I knew I just felt better that I did the only thing I could and my best is not what she wanted. Too bad for her, she will have no body like me. That girl will never have anyone else like you. I also came to a realization that my effort and time won't be wasted anymore. It will go to whom ever wants it as I will be their priority and not be second someone else.

 

Hang tough, not sure if you can feel better quickly but if you start thinking about all those it will get better. as you understand. I've been going through my crap for a while, also once I decided to let her go (saturday) I felt better and not worse in just a few hours. It has been even keeping right now after couple of days. I don't see this changing at all. Only thing I am really scared about is "what if" out of the blur she comes running back? Will I have the strength of all my being to reject her? My current answer is no because its only been a few days. In due time maybe after a month I think and I hope that I can.

 

Good luck man.

[Usa1ah]

I don’t understand either why “friends” cuddle but don’t get involved. I’ve never cuddled with a guy friend. I only cuddle with people I’m interested in. Why the heck were you sleeping in the same bed if you weren’t in a relationship?

 

This exactly! What the hell was you think. How would you not start falling for her. How is cuddling in bed asleep like being a brother?

[Usa1ah]

Actually the cuddling bit is for me, i have insomnia i can go on for days without sleep its horrible, for some reason having someone to hug makes me sleep. embarrassing i know.

 

Why is it embarrassing? Don’t be so hard on yourself about that. Just get a gf to do it in the future.