Most Complicated Situation Ever (for me)

[Imbadatnames]

Hi everyone, 1st time poster and I'm hoping for some advice from an unbiased source.

 

K so this is gona sound really dumb...like, a lot of it, so...I already know that...but the heart wants what the heart wants yknow...

 

So I met this girl at work after she got hired. Im assistant store manager and 33. Shes a regular worker and 18 (i know, i know...this is not something ive ever done, all previous gf's were 1-3 years younger than me). She started flirting right away n i flirted back. A few days into her employment she was staying nights at my house n a few days after that she moved in. Then a few days after that she told me about her ex n how she still loves him, but hes been trying to make up his mind over whether to get back together with her for like 3 years (shes had a horrific life that caused some things to happen where she pushed him away, plus he did some horrific things to her).

 

So she lived with me like another week or so but spent some nights at his house. I tried to deal with that even though it was eating me up (id never put up w that in any other situation but i really fell hard for this girl and i figured her past was a valid excuse pretty much) but soon i realized i couldnt handle it n kicked her out.

 

So now her ex is more interested but still not committing, and shes coming over to my house some nights (including the last 2 and tonight when i get outta work). I must add now that we havent went all the way in terms of sex, i havent tried (ive denied her a few times cuz of the situation).

 

I guess im pretty much asking if it looks like i have any kind of a chance from an outside perspective. Ppl here think she was just using me but even after getting kicked out shes still coming over, n also they dont know about her past (which i unfortunately dont feel comfortable posting on the internet, but ill just say ive never known anyone who has been thru as much as her, or even close...n she still has such a bright n awesome personality). N if i do have any kind of a chance, what do i do? The typical advice is to not chase, cut contact til the thing with hwr ex is sorted out, etc...but that just doesnt feel right and besides that i cant stand extended time without her. Please help!

[abitbroken]

my advice is to not date teenagers. Yes, she is of legal age, but she is still a teenager who is figuring out who she is and is not fully matured as an adult. I think you should cut her off from coming over. Stop involving yourself in these "but i still like my ex' games. Find a more mature woman to date. And stop being a bystander in your own life "she came over x times a week" -like you will just let her drive this.

 

Do you have a chance? I don't think you SHOULD take a chance. run the other way.

[Imbadatnames]

@abitbroken

Solid advice and I really appreciate it. I get what youre saying but shes unbelievably smart and literally honest to a fault, two things which I believe make her way more mature than her age would indicate (or else I wouldnt bother, big age gaps creep me out...or they used to i guess lol...). I think the ex situation is the way it is cuz hes the first guy to...only do a couple awful things to her instead of continuously doing awful things to her.

 

I dont wana sound dismissive of your advice though (i asked for help for a reason after all, i have little to no idea how to proceed so ive been "going with my gut/heart" but that may not be the best thing) and i have told myself to run many times so it could be the right thing n i need to stop living in denial.

 

Thanks again for the quick reply

[greendots]

1. She still loves her ex.

2. She works with you. (Possibly for you since you are assistant store manager? Please correct me if I am wrong.)

 

Bad idea.

[Hollyj]

She does not love you and is using you.

 

Stop being a doormat and throw her out.

 

She is too young, and you should not be dating your staff. Bad judgement.

[boltnrun]

Apparently it doesn't matter how horribly this guy treats her. She obviously wants him.

 

You're hoping for a double whammy of "rescuing" her and getting a hot young girlfriend.

 

Her actions prove she's not as "mature"as you're trying to say she is.

 

Does everyone at work know she's spending nights with you? Teenagers talk so chances are it's all over work. Are you breaking any company rules by having her stay over?

[MissCanuck]

She is in love with another guy, OP. She isn't all the mature or she wouldn't be crashing with you and messing around with you while waiting on her ex. Essentially, she is using you for a roof and a shoulder to cry on when she doesn't get the attention she wants from her ex.

 

Add to that her age and the fact that you work together and this has disaster written all over it.

 

You're old enough to know better, man. Make smarter choices for you and don't get involved in teenage, workplace drama.

[Wiseman2]

She's been with this guy since she was 14 or 15? How old is he? Did she run away from home? Is she staying at your place because she's abused at home or by this pedophile? The last thing she needs is another dude preying on her. Especially a supervisor at work.

Shes a regular worker and 18 hes been trying to make up his mind over whether to get back together with her for like 3 years

[purplepaisley]

She's 18, a kid, and has no clue what she wants or what she's doing other than using you for whatever she can get out of you when she feels like it and has no other options.

 

She's your subordinate at work - your teenage subordinate. You're 33 years old and you should know better than this. You clearly have poor judgement. This could bite you professionally.

 

Let her go. If she has that screwed up of a childhood and life up until now, she has a lot she has to work on, and you're not going to be the one to magically fix it. You are in a precarious position being her manager, but hopefully you can create a division.