Has Online Dating Worked For You?

[thornz]

I vowed not to use online dating after a few bad experiences, I had poor judgement and weak boundaries which I think made me a good target for low quality prospective partners. I think this has improved a lot over the last few years though I’m still working on this and have a long way to go.

 

I’m considering trying it out again. I would like to settle down and find a husband in the coming years but I’m in a new area with no roots. My only friends are from work or via meetup groups who also are not local (hence why we formed friendships so no introductions to be made there.

 

Ideally I would find a partner from my hometown (an hours drive) as I hope to resettle there within 3 years.

 

Does anyone have any success stories to tell from online dating. I wouldn’t use this as my only avenue to find dates but maybe to dip my toe in the water.

[mustlovedogs]

Of course - I think a solid 1/3 of my friends have gotten in to their LTR from online dating.

[thorough]

I vowed not to use online dating after a few bad experiences, I had poor judgement and weak boundaries which I think made me a good target for low quality prospective partners. I think this has improved a lot over the last few years though I’m still working on this and have a long way to go.

 

I’m considering trying it out again. I would like to settle down and find a husband in the coming years but I’m in a new area with no roots. My only friends are from work or via meetup groups who also are not local (hence why we formed friendships so no introductions to be made there.

 

Ideally I would find a partner from my hometown (an hours drive) as I hope to resettle there within 3 years.

 

Does anyone have any success stories to tell from online dating. I wouldn’t use this as my only avenue to find dates but maybe to dip my toe in the water.

 

Yep worked for me, my bf is someone I met online. Took quite a bit though to meet someone decent. I went through a lot of game playing by the guys I was dating. Be cautious though because a lot of guys are out there for sex and will pretend to be into you to get it. Meet in public places and do not fall for early flattery. Don't get your hopes up if the date or next one goes well, continue talking to other people while going on dates so you do not isolate yourself. Happy hunting :)

[android123]

If you are looking for someone who is husband material, definitely stay away from hookup apps like tinder and okc. A lot of the slots there are taken up by men simply looking for something causal. I'd suggest a more sophisticated online dating platform such as match.com or eharmony.com, or one that is tailored to your lifestyle, like farmersonly, christianmingle, etc.. I've seen more successful relationships originate through those platforms versus the others.

[thornz]

Yep worked for me, my bf is someone I met online. Took quite a bit though to meet someone decent. I went through a lot of game playing by the guys I was dating. Be cautious though because a lot of guys are out there for sex and will pretend to be into you to get it. Meet in public places and do not fall for early flattery. Don't get your hopes up if the date or next one goes well, continue talking to other people while going on dates so you do not isolate yourself. Happy hunting :)

 

Think they might get bored of waiting before they get sex out of me 🤣 I think I will write a list of dealbreakers and behaviour to be cautious of to weed out the unfavourables. Good advice, I think a quick meet for coffee before any actual date is a good idea. Won’t be visiting anyone’s home unless I intend to get cosy and any guy who tries to get me to there’s before I’ve met them will get swiftly rejected. I think I’ve grown a lot less tolerant of BS in the last few years. Might have some success this time 😀

[thornz]

Of course - I think a solid 1/3 of my friends have gotten in to their LTR from online dating.

 

If you are looking for someone who is husband material, definitely stay away from hookup apps like tinder and okc. A lot of the slots there are taken up by men simply looking for something causal. I'd suggest a more sophisticated online dating platform such as match.com or eharmony.com, or one that is tailored to your lifestyle, like farmersonly, christianmingle, etc.. I've seen more successful relationships originate through those platforms versus the others.

 

Yes I would never go on tinder, though two of my work friends found serious relationships on there (one couple married and the other buying their first house together) I hate the format as I’m not overly concerned with looks, I don’t have a type other than my preference for tall men, so swiping on those who you find initially attractive just seems so superficial to me. I think there is so much more to attraction than physical appearance.

 

I love your suggestion of a niche dating site, I am a massive geek, into engineering and mechanics big time and it’s important to me that my partner at least has a passion for these things if not working in the field. I might try find a STEM dating site if there is such a thing. I have only used POF in the past so time to try out some others.

[Batya33]

Of course - I think a solid 1/3 of my friends have gotten in to their LTR from online dating.

Very similar here with my friends/family. It worked for me too in the sense that I met some really good people some of whom I am still in touch with (in fact 10 minutes ago I donated to a charity in the honor of one of them -we met a few times as friends only, interesting back story) and it honed my dating/screening skills.

 

I think it's self-aware of you to know that you are vulnerable to people who might not be good quality. For example there's a poster on here who is now convinced her on line person who she hasn't met yet is genuine/the real thing because he sent her some trinkets through the mail. Scary. I had a few scary experiences but only one which was sexual assault (minor) -however in that case it was because I was vulnerable and it would have been the same had I met him at a bar, etc.

 

I met one of my fiancees through a personal ad. Just not right for me, ultimately.

 

Screening is essential and to me a phone call before meeting to do that screening is essential. Good luck!

[thornz]

Of course - I think a solid 1/3 of my friends have gotten in to their LTR from online dating.

 

Very similar here with my friends/family. It worked for me too in the sense that I met some really good people some of whom I am still in touch with (in fact 10 minutes ago I donated to a charity in the honor of one of them -we met a few times as friends only, interesting back story) and it honed my dating/screening skills.

 

I think it's self-aware of you to know that you are vulnerable to people who might not be good quality. For example there's a poster on here who is now convinced her on line person who she hasn't met yet is genuine/the real thing because he sent her some trinkets through the mail. Scary. I had a few scary experiences but only one which was sexual assault (minor) -however in that case it was because I was vulnerable and it would have been the same had I met him at a bar, etc.

 

I met one of my fiancees through a personal ad. Just not right for me, ultimately.

 

Screening is essential and to me a phone call before meeting to do that screening is essential. Good luck!

 

Yes that is scary. Why hand out your address to strangers? Phone call is a good idea. If they try the heavy breathing or they have bad manners etc you know not to waste time on the coffee. I’ve asked my best friends for help choosing pics for my profiles and will go from there. Think I need to set myself a time limit so I’m not wasting hours each day on there. Got stuff I need to get on with in the real world too lol

[SooSad33]

No, not much success, and has been over 5 yrs.

I agree with much of what has already been said. it's scary out there.

 

Do take your time. remember.. they're 'good' at trying to work you up. Many are all talk.

And yes, some are on there for either just sex.. or are lonely and want to 'talk' while at home, alone. But, does not mean they are truly single...

I know a few of them, who like some 'company'. Try to let you see they are single, when they really aren't.

Watch for those who are putting in their profile, anything but 'looking for a relationship'.

Those are often for 'hook ups' & 'hang outs'. ( so, they dont want you around for much) and probably are trying to get a few on the go, with no real intent.

And those are usually ones with something hanging around... but they aren't truly happy with what they've got.

 

I met a couple of them who sleep with anyone- and who have had many partners.. ugh :/.

And I know a couple of guys who use woman for 'hang out', when they may have a couple already on the go. And are constantly on the dating site... chatting women up.

Like.. WHY? I think those one's are a lost cause. ( some are in their 50's and can't or won't settle down & get comfy with one, but will keep them around-- for when they're bored).

 

It's quite an experience. And I have given up on them. So many unreal ones. Too many for my good!

I do not trust anyone anymore. Cause no one's truly true to other's and seem way too unstable or needy.

 

Honestly, these dating sites cause way too many problems.. setting those off, who are actually genuine and won't just talk you up... cause they are bored.

But are actually interested in YOU and not anyone or everyone.

 

I dont take 'love' as a game :/. Thats so wrong.

If I am interested in you.. it is just YOU. I dont play nor want to be played.. or led on for a couple of months.. to nothing!.

 

As you can see.. I've had some rough experiences, with how I have been treated on those things.

 

I have had my fill.

 

So, if you are going there.... be cautious. And watch it. Go in easy.. take your time.

You will probably see many guys on there for the next 2 yrs.. who will never leave. Like a little addiction...?

 

And like our complaints.. they do it too. They feel dissed, misled etc. Some will admit so on their profiles.. that is somewhwere you dont put that stuff!

That will not get a gals attention.

 

Also, some may be bots.. avoid those who look too good to be true and have one pic posted. They may not be who thy say they are.

 

You have been warned.. by someone who knows a couple of these sites well-- thru experience.

 

My feelings.. I am best on my own. I am not into getting used and pushed aside.

I miss the good ol days where we meet at a dance and we didn't have 2500 other faces to choose from.... or be messed

around by.

 

Way too complicated and emotionally challenging in todays world.

 

Good luck.

[Jibralta]

I've met some interesting guys and had some nice relationships via online dating. But I think the best relationships I've had are with the guys I know from real life.

[Starlight925]

Yes, it's worked for me many, many times. I'm currently taking a break. And yes, there are spambots, losers, people who only want sex, people who have no money but want yours.....I could go on....and on.....and on. But does it work? Yes it can/does.

 

I'm one of the first people who started using online dating, in 1999. Yep, 19 years ago! I've probably gone on over 300 dates, and had zero scary moments. A lot of "no chemistry's", but nothing weird or bad. Good pre-screening has helped a lot.

 

Here's my personal track record, all from online dating:

--9-month relationship

--1.5 year relationship

--2.5 year relationship

--1 marriage

--Lots of mini-relationships, under 6 months

 

I'm 56, and until a few weeks ago, I was back online, after my last relationship ended, and I still have nice men to go out with.

 

It's not all doom & gloom. Yes, a lot of it is, lol, but I think it's all in how you look at it.

 

You'll recognize the scammers from other countries with fake pictures really soon, from the broken English/poorly placed punctuation/overly flowery language.

Ex.: "I. just.want to be yours forever. I looking for soulmate.Please respond with you email as I am singing off this sight soon.I will love you forever dear."

 

These days, I have fun with the scammers. I respond, asking where I should send my money, and if I should just attach my bank account, or would a credit card work better? Ha.

Better to just delete, but I enjoy the responses: "I not. looking for you money dear.I want be your forever". As if.

 

Screen a bit: text for a little while (not too much), maybe talk on the phone, and meet sooner than later. Public places, your own car, daylight if possible, yada yada. I always figured, it's one small meeting, a cup of coffee/shared appetizers/glass of wine, whatever. I always figure, I'm outfit/makeup testing. The worst that happens? I spend 1 hour with someone I'm not going to marry.

[purplepaisley]

Has online dating worked for me? Yes and no. I haven't met that long-term boyfriend/husband yet, but I've met some really great guys. Unfortunately, nothing has stuck beyond three months. There are creeps and frauds, men after sex only, guys who only want to text, never meet, and you pretty much have to go through some frogs until you finally meet "the one." I think the important thing is to disable the profile and take a break once in awhile if it's getting you down. Obviously you need to set some boundaries, as you are already aware.

 

For me, I work and I go home. A majority of my waking ours are spent at work, and I don't have a huge social life. I'm don't enjoy filling my off time with all kinds of activities, and I don't enjoy bars. I'm more of a homebody and I like my down time. Most of my friends are married and have children, and they're not social butterflies either. OLD is a good platform to get out and meet people you otherwise would not have the opportunity to meet. Overall, I would say it has been a good experience. I've put dating on hold recently, but I think when my job slows down, I'm going to activate my profile and get back out there.

 

I say give it a try. You can disable or delete at any time.

[thornz]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Just spent a few hours setting up my profile on a website advertised as free but whenever I’ve seen messages it prompts me to subscribe in order to read them. At a minimum payment of £45 I will be deleting my profile and trying somewhere else.

[SweetGirl28]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Just spent a few hours setting up my profile on a website advertised as free but whenever I’ve seen messages it prompts me to subscribe in order to read them. At a minimum payment of £45 I will be deleting my profile and trying somewhere else.

 

 

I think Plenty Of Fish is free, but I'm not certain. Maybe try that.

 

I thinks it's best to get out and meet people IRL, you see what you're getting.

Can have conversation in person, and not have that anxiety of meeting someone that you exchanged msgs with,

but do whatever works for you. Good luck :)

[Starlight925]

I think Plenty Of Fish is free, but I'm not certain. Maybe try that.

 

I thinks it's best to get out and meet people IRL, you see what you're getting.

Can have conversation in person, and not have that anxiety of meeting someone that you exchanged msgs with,

but do whatever works for you. Good luck :)

 

Yes, POF is free, and I've used it for years. Thing about it is, it's free, so.....everyone and anyone is on it, so you will get a ton of responses in which you're not interested. But, there are decent guys on it; I had 2 dates a few weeks ago with 2 different guys from it, both very nice.

 

Most sites charge for membership, but 45 (British pounds, I don't know how to make the pounds symbol) is a bit high. Was that for one month, or more? I'd shop around the sites in your area a bit.

 

I usually do 2-3 sites at a time, when I'm active.

 

And yes, absolutely, meet people IRL. Join meetup groups, hang out with friends, etc.

 

Sit next to a cute guy on an airplane....I got engaged that way once!

[thornz]

I have been on POF for years and like you say everyone is on it and you get a lot of the wrong kind of interest and it’s that website that put me off so I just deleted my profile on there. I’m looking to meet someone from my hometown as I intend to relocate in the coming years. I could meet people locally to date but I’m not sure there is a lot of point if I plan to settle elsewhere.

 

It was £45 for one month.