Husband staring at the waitress. Am I crazy?

[Snny]

I don't think the OP is being crazy here. Try being a new parent and see how drastically your sex life decreases. Going back to normal after the baby comes out doesn't work that way.

My wife also has never had an issue with me watching porn. I don't do it often, I just have a bit more of a libido than my wife.

 

She asked me to not watch it after the birth of our child because she was insecure and going through PPD (we both did actually).

 

I agreed because it isn't that big of a deal and if it helps her I don't care.

 

After a few months she told me she was much better and didn't care anymore.

 

I'm saying this because I don't know how many other issues you have but you might have some PPD.

 

That was a big reason she was so insecure. Because her asking something like that was totally out of character for her, or her accusing me of blatantly checking out a woman.

 

I do think that this is pretty common after childbirth.

 

Most woman feel a much higher dependence on their SO and that comes out as insecurity and scrutiny sometimes.

Just to piggyback on this...

 

I'm pregnant now. I've been experiencing a difficult pregnancy to the point I was hospitalized a few times and put in bed rest the first two and a half months. Ive noticed the changes in my health have honestly made me feel insecure about my image and how my husband perceives me as his intimate partner. My hormones are so out of whack that at times I'm unable to think straight.

 

The OP's situation reminds me of when Hubs recently made a comment about watching porn, and I literally had to stop him because now I feel I can't satisfy him like I was use to. I honestly feel helpless because of my health condition. In the past I didn't care whether or not he watched porn because that was his personal business, but after being so ill and not being able to have any sex due to pregnancy complications (and not going to have any right after delivering the baby) has taken a toll on my intimacy and sense of security. At times I feel like I'm not the super sexy wife he was completely in love with anymore, though that sounds very harsh.

 

From talking to women who are recent mothers, it can takes awhile for your body to settle back to normal after childbirth. Your hormones have not fully reset. For some women it takes over a year. I'm agreeing PPD is the cause of your reaction, and your husband's insensitivity isn't helping. Men are going to look (women too), but his behavior at the restaurant was not the appropriate time. Unfortunately most men are not going to understand what goes through women who are experiencing PPD. Please look into temporary therapy to help you overcome this.

[catfeeder]

When I see a beautiful woman I enjoy gazing at her. I'm not even gay.

 

Some people are just fascinating to look at. That doesn't take anything away from anyone else, and it's not even something most people are conscious of--which means it's not necessarily sexual.

 

I could understand being put off by sexual leering. That's obvious and gross. But following someone with your eyes is not unnatural or disloyal. Try becoming more aware of when YOU do it, and you'll learn the difference between being curious rather than furious.

[pink318]

Hi Micah- I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you are feeling better now.

Glad to know that you already talk to your husband regarding this, I hope it will not happen again.

Take care of yourself, eat healthy and have some exercise.

 

I pray for a happy and beautiful marriage.Keep us posted. Thank you for sharing and God bless.

[Minikimini]

I just feel different since I became a mom. I’m working on being confident again but it’s hard when this type of things happen. I wish I could back to old me because he’s right.

 

Of course you feel different: you're a mother, no longer a maiden, but that doesn't change who you are on the inside. You're still the woman you were before you had this baby.

 

Plastic surgery will clear up any body issues you have.

 

I'm curious, though: before you had this baby, he never looked at any other women, period, or is it he never made an obvious show of it in front of you (meaning: he was disrespectful about it)?

 

His response to you was rather extreme--I'm curious as to why he'd reach for "well divorce me if you think that"? That was an unnecessary non sequitur he used to gaslight you.

[Aussiechic]

Plastic surgery will clear up any body issues you have.

.

 

Wow, straight away jumping into a recommendation of life risking plastic surgery to a new mother just to make her body look a certain way . I couldnt disagree more . Self love and the healing of body issues comes from rejecting notions of women’s value being in how they look not a surgeons knife

[Wiseman2]

Thread is over a year old.⏳

I couldnt disagree more

[Honeycomb8]

We are human so we are and will find others attractive.

 

 

It's not the end of the world, I don't think you need to bring it up to him.

[boltnrun]

Old thread.