Stupid Mistake

[Needadvice1111]

Sweet girl I appreciate the concern but there is not more to the story. I did not have sex with that woman. I know very little about stds other than what I have been researching through google.

[SweetGirl28]

Yikes. Stay off google, only ask a professional, and put your mind to rest if thats truly the story.

 

You told your gf? How did that work out for you?

[Needadvice1111]

Well I feel terrible, I told her I couldn’t hide anything from her. She said she knew something was up with me. And she said she will never touch me until I get all tests done and she’s not sure she can ever trust me again. I said I understand. I told her if she wants to break up I understand. I just made it clear I couldn’t keep it from her.

[SweetGirl28]

Surely the response you expected, but at least you told her.

 

I do wish you the best in working the issues out if possible, you have deeper ones than even this incident.

Maybe it needed to happen to bring the issues to the forefront of the relationship and maybe this will be the deciding

factor that makes or breaks you now.

[Needadvice1111]

Thank you.

[MissCanuck]

Surely the response you expected, but at least you told her.

 

I do wish you the best in working the issues out if possible, you have deeper ones than even this incident.

Maybe it needed to happen to bring the issues to the forefront of the relationship and maybe this will be the deciding

factor that makes or breaks you now.

 

I agree. This incident was a major breach of trust, but it represents some much more serious problems in the relationship.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like that's what you wanted all along because you were not satisfied with your sex life with her, but didn't have the guts to tell her/break up so you sabotaged things to force her hand. Now you're trying to look like the victim of some stripper/hooker? Get a hold of yourself and reflect on better ways to end things rather than devastating/hurting someone so they end it.

I told her if she wants to break up I understand. I just made it clear I couldn’t keep it from her.

[Needadvice1111]

Thanks again wise man. I see how out of context these forums can get. That is absolutely not what is going on. I am responsible for my actions absolutely, but I didn’t go there saying, heck yeah I’m going to get laid by some hooker. I don’t know what came across me and if my girlfriend leaves me then I don’t blame her. If she doesn’t, this situation will never happen again. I can see how I look like a total sleaze but that is not who I am. The doctors said I was fine, I could have kept this secret from my girlfriend. But I can’t hide something like this from her.

[Wiseman2]

That's all you care about, not hurting your gf.

The doctors said I was fine

[Needadvice1111]

I guess I’m just going to stop responding.

[SweetGirl28]

I've been tough on you, but like I said I thought there had to be more than you are telling. But I see several complain here that they come for support and get attacked instead of feeling like they are getting the help the seek. So I apologize but no one here really sugar coats truth lol

 

You accept responsibility and admit fault and that's good and you had to tell her. There was no way in hell that was going to leave your mind. But you have other sexual issues. If you had worked on resolving those, maybe you wouldn't have ended up at the club to start with. Sexual incompatibility is hard and frustrating and can lead people to do stupid things because they feel rejected and hurt. But it's never okay.

 

Was the club a horrible decision? No. Personally I don't care who I'm with if they go. I'm confident enough in myself that them looking at those girls doesn't phase me at all. But.......if I knew there was the extreme which you had, I'd be pissed and not trusting. I'd dump you fast. Two beers , you should have still been in control. I get the "hormones and loneliness" okay, but still you were in your right mind enough to know to stop it. Now you have to deal with whatever may happen. Honestly, I think you're better off ending it anyway though and finding someone with a matching sex drive.

[Needadvice1111]

I am not a guy that does these things. I had two serious relationships growing up. One in high school and one in college. The one in college treated me like garbage. I was so good to her. I finally found a good honest trustworthy woman and I blow it. I love this girl so much. I know I don’t deserve her and I told her that. We share so much together, so much in common, sex is our only struggle. What the hell is wrong with me. How was it so hard to just say NO in the first place?! And yes I am freaked out about picking up a disease but there is no comparison of how it feels to see the look on her face knowing I hurt her and betrayed her. That will haunt me for the rest of my life. She is the sweetest girl in the world.

[SweetGirl28]

You acted out of character then because the deeper issues caused you resentment towards her that you went and let it get too far. It can't be changed. The damage is done. You freaked yourself out, you hurt her.

The only way to go is forward. Yo may love her but at that moment you cared about yourself and didn't think of her. That's reality.

[Usa1ah]

You know sometimes people just do stupid things for no reason. There doesn’t have to be a underlying issue.

 

Glad to see you have told your gf the truth. I hope you two are able to fix your relationship.

[Buddylove]

Stop stressing, as men we do things we go to strip clubs. How old are you? You sound young. Let it go relax. My god you are blowing this out of proportion. And if you guys are only having sex twice per month and you want more and are not getting it.... This relationship is not perfect for you, so look at the relationship as a whole and decide the pros and cons. You don't have a STD.

[Minikimini]

No, I literally had 2 beers. The reason I keep second guessing myself is because my symptoms haven’t gone away. I knew for a fact nothing more happened at the time. I feel terrible, I am a terrible person. I don’t deserve my girlfriend and should pack my stuff and leave. I have never in my life done anything like this. I have never had a woman be so upfront and so pushy like that stripper was I didn’t know how to react. Again no matter how I look at it, I was 110% wrong. I can hardly look at my girlfriend and have been sleeping fully clothed every night. I feel disgusting and i betrayed her. I would do anything to make things right. Either I hurt her by telling her, ruin her self confidence, and ruin our relationship, or I let the guilt continue on for life and totally eat me alive. I’ve f*cked my life for good.

 

Was this your first time ever in a strip club? That woman was doing her job--to get you to come up off of money, so yeah, she was being pushy.

 

Every human, by the age of 18 months, knows the meaning of the word "no". You let your boy talk you into something you had no business doing. Did she give him a lap dance, too, or just you?

 

What is going to hurt your girlfriend even more is when she finds out the truth then puts two and two together in that you've been lying by omission --in her face-- since she's been back from this trip and that will cause her to lose respect for you. If she can maintain some modicum of respect for you, this could be salvaged somewhat--it won't be what it used to be, but then again, what it used to be was a continual fight with an insecure girlfriend who only sparingly has sex with you. All of this debacle centers around you and she not being sexually compatible. Eventually, you're going to get sick of being on a leash, chained to a tree in the yard and thrown scraps every now and then when she decided and expected to thrive on that. You are already rebelling against this and acting out on it.

 

What you think you have with your girlfriend isn't what it actually is in reality.

 

For what it's worth, I don't think you're a terrible person--you're just in a situation that has not been making you happy for some time now and you're more afraid of being alone til a better choice in a girlfriend comes along---which she will. You're life isn't messed up for good, so stop being so dramatic. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to you because you both need to face some reality and facts about your incompatibility.

[Needadvice1111]

I’m an honest guy, I hate lying. It eats me alive. Her and I are moving forward with our relationship.

 

I’m afraid to have sex with her when the time comes we do. I’m convinced I have herpes or something because I have all the symptoms finally most of them have went away but now I have pain in my lower back and butt. Sounds dumb I know. I think about it too much. 4 months for an accurate blood test is a looong time. It’s all probably anxiety, but herpes is nothing to mess around with. I keep thinking, maybe her bare bottom touched my bare skin down there. She did pull a condom out, and that’s when I literally got up and walked out. It’s just my head playing games with me.

 

This was my first time at a strip club. I had no idea how pushy they were and it is nothing I am going to do again.

[Needadvice1111]

And yeah, every other girl I dated had a high sex drive. My current girlfriend doesn’t. It worry’s me when one of you said I’m not happy in this relationship. How do you know? How do I know? She is different from previous women I have been with, but she is also the first truly trustworthy woman I have been with. Everyone else cheated sometime down the line. All my previous ex’s were much more upfront, or assertive. The sex now is good, but it’s not what i used to have. I thought getting older meant sacrificing, taking the good with the bad. Trustworthy woman with low sex drive, or crazy good sex and bad woman. I was in that relationship for 3 years. Sex was what kept us together. She was terrible for me, mentally abusive, kinda psychotic, but we had an amazing sex connection so it kept us going.

[reinventmyself]

And yeah, every other girl I dated had a high sex drive. My current girlfriend doesn’t. It worry’s me when one of you said I’m not happy in this relationship. How do you know? How do I know? She is different from previous women I have been with, but she is also the first truly trustworthy woman I have been with. Everyone else cheated sometime down the line. All my previous ex’s were much more upfront, or assertive. The sex now is good, but it’s not what i used to have. I thought getting older meant sacrificing, taking the good with the bad. Trustworthy woman with low sex drive, or crazy good sex and bad woman. I was in that relationship for 3 years. Sex was what kept us together. She was terrible for me, mentally abusive, kinda psychotic, but we had an amazing sex connection so it kept us going.

 

There are other choices. You don't need to settle for someone who is faithful yet not sexual. I guess maybe you find some comfort in that. Had she been more sexual do you feel she would stray.

You can hold out for someone who is trustworthy who's drive matches your own.

[SweetGirl28]

You can't compare the two. I have a very high sex drive and I'm not crazy nor unfaithful. You are making assumptions based on previous relationships where you obviously just made bad choices. And honestly settling for someone who's sex drive does not match your own is surely going to cause issues. It's not something you know initially and it can even change during the relationship. But fact is the lack of sex led you to the club and led you to your feelings now.

 

I sense your frustration, and rightfully so. You know you can't do that again. You also know this won't improve your sex life with her. So now what?

[Needadvice1111]

I’m not sure what the next step is. Usually I have a high sex drive, but since the incident I have had zero sex drive. I have a hard time sleeping next to her, being close to her. Sleeping clothed too. It’s the guilt, the shame, and dirty feeling. I just want my symptoms of the big H to go away. If I test positive in 4 months I am going to tell her to leave. 10 seconds of my life that night is going to ruin the rest of my life.

 

One of you said stop being so dramatic. I don’t think I’m being dramatic. Yes I am worrying, but what else am I supposed to do? I went to therapy yesterday and it helped some. I know my girlfriend and I can eventually get past my mistake of being up there, but we won’t get past it if I have the H. I don’t know what to do from now until 4 months when I can take a accurate blood test. Do her and I just stay abstinent from sex? Is a condom enough protection?

 

Thank you for the help.

[Wiseman2]

Don't be so sure. It's all about you and your hypochondria. Does she know why you're acting so weird and that you cheated on her with hookers?

I know my girlfriend and I can eventually get past

[SweetGirl28]

Didn't you just get a culture done of a bump you found at the dr the other day? What was the result?

I think the symptoms are all in your head. She's willing to stay with you and abstain for four months while you wait?

[Needadvice1111]

Yes wiseman I have told her what happened as stated in my previous posts.

 

I got the culture done, results won’t be in until Friday supposedly. Even if it says negative I read something about false negatives. Maybe I am just way over thinking this.

 

I have been honest with my girlfriend I am taking all the steps to make this right. I screwed up, nothing like this has ever happened in my life. I did not sleep with that woman, she did not put Her mouth on me. I let it go too far yes I know. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with myself I know I screwed up!

[Needadvice1111]

And I think she would wait 4 months. She will probably tell me that the doctors said I am fine so we should be fine, but I just want to be 100% sure. She told me yesterday she’s the only one she wants in her life. I am very fortunate to have someone like her to be supportive even after the mistake I made. It is just hard for me to talk to her about it knowing that I hurt her.