rando224 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I was with my ex for just over a year and a month and throughout the relationship we had many arguments. His reason for ending things was too much stress from arguments but whenever we were to speak about the real issue ( me getting upset easily and him getting angry ) would be when he was going to end things which I would say I’d change as a desperate response but not really knowing how to or when he wanted a break where we’d plan on talking about it afterwards but end up just not talking and pretending nothing happened. He broke up with me almost a month ago but it was a quick decision he hadn’t been thinking about it for months or anything. He came over and cried like I could tell he didn’t want this but he just thought it was what had to be done. We both loved each other so much and were so attached. For the first 3 weeks of the breakup we decided to try and be friends as our friends were the same people so we’d all hang out together in school and outside of school. He’d avoid conversation completely. I did think about how to change myself in the way he needed me to but for myself too and I’ve actually been able to but he doesn’t believe that as whenever I told him I had it would be desperate and I didn’t really know how to. About a week ago I decided to use NC as it was hurting too much to see him and act like we never had anything. I just want him to see that if he gave me another chance that things would be so different and he would be happy. I don’t know how to prove it to him as I feel like he doesn’t want to talk or have anything to do with me anymore. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Talk to a trusted adult about warning signs of controlling relationships and teen dating violence. Read up about it online as well. Never, ever date "angry" boys or boys who constantly break up, give you the silent treatment, expect you to change, etc. Learn what healthy dating looks like and do not keep silent about this. Talk to a school counselor or ask your parents to help you get therapy. me getting upset easily and him getting angry. I did think about how to change myself in the way he needed me to Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I was with my ex for just over a year and a month and throughout the relationship we had many arguments. His reason for ending things was too much stress from arguments but whenever we were to speak about the real issue ( me getting upset easily and him getting angry ) would be when he was going to end things which I would say I’d change as a desperate response but not really knowing how to or when he wanted a break where we’d plan on talking about it afterwards but end up just not talking and pretending nothing happened. He broke up with me almost a month ago but it was a quick decision he hadn’t been thinking about it for months or anything. Re-read what you wrote. It wasn't a quick decision. He had clearly been unhappy for a while, or he never would have previously told he he was thinking about ending it. It sounds like there were a lot of chances to make this work, and it just didn't. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Out of curiosity cause it's baffling to me, but what types of issues were you constantly arguing about? I read this a lot, on this forum and others, couples constantly arguing. Makes no sense to me, seems counter-productive. I'm far from perfect, but I hate arguing, and *I* will end the relationship fairly quickly when it happens. It means, at the very least, you are incompatible, or you both lack the necessary conflict resolution skills to make a relationship work. That's not to say if we're discussing a particular topic (a social topic), we don't have a difference of opinion, but to me that is quite different from full-on arguments. So what were these arguments about? Going forward, if a man isn't treating you in a way that is acceptable "to you," then wish him well and walk away! Don't hang around and "argue" with him about it, that will serve no good purpose and only push him further away, often to the point of *no return.* Which it sounds like what happened here. Sorry. :( Link to comment
rando224 Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 Well there were many small things that would upset me and they would escalate into bigger issues. There was one issue that stayed through our whole relationship. When we first got together, my best friend got close with him at the start and they’d talk all the time about everything and also our relationship and get along better than me and him so I ended up getting really jealous and it just kept increasing because I didn’t see how people could be so close and not gain or have feelings for the other so I told him and he stopped seeing her and everything and then after a few months he got to the edge and told me he’d spoken to her and arranged to meet her on halloween but he was also about to break up with me so I told him it was fine and that I could deal with then being friends again so after Halloween when we’d met up all together again and started being a group my other best mates who are also hers told me that the whole time she had liked him and had been crying about him and saying stuff like I didn’t deserve him and that they were meant to be together after she knew I didn’t like them being around each other and still tried to get close like if I liked my best mates bf I’d back off and try and lose feelings but she did the opposite and also made me feel stupid for thinking she could have feelings for him, I told him she liked him and that I was right the whole time and he was ready to stay away but then she made me feel bad for separating them again so I just tried to deal with all being friends in a group and them not speaking. But I’d always end up getting jealous over something and say it to him spitefully and we’d argue Link to comment
rando224 Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 He’d ended it a few times previously but just in anger and he never meant it, he’d always come back 1 minute to a few hours later crying saying he didn’t mean it as he has anger issues and it wasn’t meaningful Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Please use punctuation. It is impossible to read your long run on sentences. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Too much drama and sorry you sound a bit controlling. For me, a man I'm dating prefers my "best friend" over me, I let them 'have at it" and walk away, from both him and my best friend who by the way is no friend! Next!! Why did you tolerate this and cause so much drama over it? That's on *you*. Sorry if that sounds harsh but seriously, the situation was out of your control, yet you tried to control it (and him) and all that did was lead to arguments and lots of unnecessary drama. I could be wrong but he sounds done. Good luck moving forward and hopefully lesson learned for your next relationship. Most men hate drama! Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 He’d ended it a few times previously but just in anger and he never meant it, he’d always come back 1 minute to a few hours later crying saying he didn’t mean it as he has anger issues and it wasn’t meaningful Then you have to understand this relationship had no future anyway. He isn't capable of committing to a mature relationship if he'd broken up with you even more than once. Both of you have a lot of growing up to do. You will see in time that this wasn't going anywhere good. How old are you both? Link to comment
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