over over over... overthinking

[eruki]

I'm 21 years old, female, physically healthy, attending university, got into my desired major and now I'm on my 3rd year

 

I've been consumed by overthinking, for almost a month

I'm scared to go to the counselling office by myself, I know they'll just sit-stare-write- and give ty comment and will tell me to pump my spirit whatsoever

but here I am, writing anonymously in this forum

 

is it weird when I desperately want to cry but I dont know where to cry? crying in toilet sucks, the same if I cry in front of the counsellor, but I have too much pride that I keep thinking crying in my room will just make me look like such a loser, I don't want to cry in front of my friends too, they'll see me as weak. I dont like that

 

I keep overthinking everyone's judgement towards anything, literally anything I'd do.... and I don't know how to stop.

I just don't want to hold my cry but I dont know how

no I won't tell my parents, they have so much hopes on me and my future, I don't want to disappoint them....

 

I'm too good at covering myself every single day, and it actually hurts, but if people know my true self I know I'll be hateful

 

I sincerely need help, but not by seeing people, is there any possibilities?

[DanZee]

What exactly are you crying about? Who do you think is judging you? What do you think they think of you? Do you have any friends? Are your grades bad? Are you afraid to leave college? You're more than halfway through. You've made it this far. You can make it.

[sky09]

Get in your car, drive out to a field in the middle of nowhere and shout/cry your heart out, if that's what you need.

[eruki]

What exactly are you crying about? Who do you think is judging you? What do you think they think of you? Do you have any friends? Are your grades bad? Are you afraid to leave college? You're more than halfway through. You've made it this far. You can make it.

 

I've come to a realization that, I am not that good at anything I thought I was good at... like in class or studying, or socializing with people, and it makes me think, that, actually everyone had been thinking that I am awkward and weird, way before I realize it... I keep thinking it's true and it made me think I actually have no friends because everyone's just bearing me and my awkwardness and I'm stupid enough to just think of it these past weeks..... I've been thinking on leaving college but what about my parents? tuition? I dont have the heart to make them think they have such a weak daughter...

[Wiseman2]

What about talking to a therapist one-on-one to help navigate how you feel. No one will judge you and you can speak your mind freely and get some tips for all this.

[Snny]

You need to talk to a therapist. And yes, that does entitle "shopping around" for one you gel with. If the first therapist you saw sucked, then bounce to a different one. You do not stick with a professional who does you a disservice. One therapist does not constitute an entire facility (the truth even goes with medical doctors).

 

They have to take notes. Doctors do this too. You are not their only client they see and will need those notes from past sessions to measure your progress. They aren't judging or going to show those notes to someone else (in fact that would be ILLEGAL). That's how they find problems and propose an individual goal plan for you. Please don't take it personal.

 

Also, some people don't fit in socially at college. College isn't the answer of finding your only circle of friends. Most people tend to move on once they landed a career and are building their own families. Some of my current friends come from meetup groups.

 

Please don't be hard on yourself. But really, you need a therapist to talk to to help you out with your self-esteem.

[cherubrock]

Maybe because you're trying too much to be something your not? You seem to be pushing yourself a bit much and this makes you think others are thinking of you or judging you. Maybe take a break...summer is almost here anyways. Try something relaxing, like yoga.

[Liraele]

If you have a smartphone, there are actually therapy apps that allow you to talk to a pro without going into an office. I don't know if you can do it from a computer, but either way... might be worth a shot for you.

[Vanishing Girl]

Sounds like what I do when I’m feeling anxious. What’s changed that suddenly you just started feeling that way? I believe you mentioned in the last 30 days.

 

Therapist or coach can help! Many do on the phone or Skype these days.

[eruki]

If you have a smartphone, there are actually therapy apps that allow you to talk to a pro without going into an office. I don't know if you can do it from a computer, but either way... might be worth a shot for you.

 

Can you tell me any suggestion where to look for them?