Gaynor Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 We've been together for 3 months, both in our 30s. Lately he's been really paranoid with me for no reason, saying I'm not trustworthy. At first I blamed it on his mental health issues. I feel really bad but I managed to snoop on his Facebook. I saw that when we fell out he messaged another girl asking if she was out one night, sending her his number,then I checked his phone and saw that he has been ringing her or vice versa i couldnt tell. I am sure its her after checking up. What should I do now, confront him? I don't know what to do as I don't want him to know I've been snooping. But his paranoia sent me the same way. He keeps saying he loves me and acts like he does, apart from his paranoia. Please help. What should I do?? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Sorry to hear this. Are you exclusive? What was the argument about? It seems he's doing the typical accusing to cover his tracks. Is this his ex? What is the nature of his mental illness? Not all suspicion/accusation is mental illness. It may be best to keep your eyes open that he's also dating someone else or is trying to get back with an ex.saying I'm not trustworthy. I saw that when we fell out he messaged another girl asking if she was out one night, sending her his number,then I checked his phone and saw that he has been ringing her or vice versa i couldnt tell. Link to comment
Gaynor Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 He has some drug issues. I attributed it to them but I had a feeling. So I snooped. Now I know he has been contacting someone else but I don't know how to handle it. He acted like he loved me but didn't trust me for some reason. I rang a number in his phone and it's the same girl from Facebook. I feel so sick 😐 Link to comment
Gaynor Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 Yes we're exclusive. He says he loves me but keeps trying to say I'm not trustworthy. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 At only 3 mos in, cut your losses. He sounds like a loser.He has some drug issues. I know he has been contacting someone else but I don't know how to handle it.I rang a number in his phone and it's the same girl from Facebook. Link to comment
Gaynor Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 What should I say? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 It's not working out.What should I say? Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Nobody should say “I love you but you’re not trustworthy” in the same sentence. HE’S not trustworthy. Be rid of this guy. Link to comment
j.man Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 You've been with him only three months. Unless something inside of you compels you to seek out or maintain relationships wherein the shady circumstances provide you justification in invading their privacy or just being intrusive otherwise, I'm not seeing what benefit in the world there is to be had here. Wiseman's line is the perfect solution. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 So this is the guy with the cocaine habit? And you are using alcohol and prescription pills combined because being with him "makes" you do it? I'd say the calls are the least of your worries. Why are you staying in this toxic, unhealthy relationship? Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 He says he loves me but keeps trying to say I'm not trustworthy. He accuses you of not being trustworthy, because HE knows HE isn't trustworthy. He's projecting. If it were me, at only three months? Next. I don't date men I can't trust. But your call. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 You're scraping the bottom of the barrel with this guy, OP. Raise your standards and just end this. There are far too many problems here for this to end well for you. Link to comment
Gaynor Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 Yeah it all seems fraught with problems now. I want to ask him about this girl and see what he says..but don't know how to without it coming out that I invaded his privacy. The girl has posted on his Facebook wall before it looks as though they were friends who used to go out clubbing in a group. But why is he sending her his number and messaging her at the same time he is giving me hell for imaginary reasons... I know it shouldn't be this way should it. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 We've been together for 3 months, both in our 30s. Three months is nothing, and you're not kids. I'd just tell him that this isn't working for me and I wish him the best. I wouldn't even consider 3 months to be worth a face-to-face, I'd just phone him and end it and move forward with my self respect in tact. Head high. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 At three mos. why is he "coming home"? Do you live together or do drugs together? The fb girl thing is the least of your problems. Lately he has been coming home after obviously using drugs, and started to say really weird things. Link to comment
Gaynor Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 The relationship has moved pretty fast in the short time. We've been practically living together but not officially. I don't want to walk away cos aside from the problems things seem good. 😣 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Isn't that true about anything? Unfortunately you have zero control over any of the problems because they are due to his drug use and philandering. Stop "living together". It seems you use drugs as well and he supplies them because a clean person would never put up with this. aside from the problems things seem good. Link to comment
Gaynor Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 I guess so. Just feeling really down today. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 The relationship has moved pretty fast in the short time. We've been practically living together but not officially. I don't want to walk away cos aside from the problems things seem good. 😣 You mean aside from not trusting each other... That's pretty major and frankly in my opinion trumps everything else even if it's good. With so much lack of trust from both sides, I don't see this ultimately ending well, but best of luck. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Aside from his cocaine habit, constantly accusing you of cheating, calling other women, and your use of prescription pills combined with alcohol because it's the only way you can "deal" with him...other than all that things "seem" good???? What is it about you that believes this mess is the best you can do? BTW, have you considered that this other woman is his cocaine dealer? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 The only way to get better is to call an addiction hotline and get help and get away from drugs and drug users for good. Why throw your life away and live in misery? Make the call and break free from these prisons.Just feeling really down today. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 The relationship has moved pretty fast in the short time. We've been practically living together but not officially. I don't want to walk away cos aside from the problems things seem good. 😣 Oh dear. OP, you need to wake up and wake up fast. Things are not good, at all. The relationship you want is exactly the opposite of the relationship you actually have. There is no "aside" from problems like this. These problems define your relationship. He is not who you want him to be, and you need to learn healthier relationship habits so don't flush your standards right down the toilet again in the future. Are you using, too? I mean that as a sincere question. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 She wrote in her other thread that she is combining prescription medication and alcohol because dealing with him "makes" her do it. My friend died very young from doing that exact thing. It's frightening. Link to comment
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