Not Handling this well

[Tch127]

Things ended between me and my ex about 5 months ago. I thought I was fine...I really did. For probably 3 months I rarely thought of her. Turns out I was mainly just masking all of my feelings. Two months ago right around New Year's Eve it just crushed me all at once. I really don't know any other way to put it other than devastated. I've never felt this way before and it's rough to say the least. I tried reaching out with pathetic take me back texts (Horrible Idea). I sat down and wrote a letter because I thought it would be more well received. I only sent it 5 days ago but no response.

 

I actually am starting to think I may need professional help. My moods sway from severely depressed, to really hopefull(like I have a feeling I'll hear from her soon), to angry as all get out, and then back to severely depressed. Like these don't even last a full day, I'll feel all of these things multiple times every single day.

 

If this is what real heartbreak feels like from someone that you were madly in love with...then I absolutely never want to love again...not worth the risk.

 

It's the constant feeling that you can't breath even though your perfectly healthy. Putting on a fake smile at work. Seeing every single damn car on the road that's the same as hers just wondering if it's her. Drinking every night just to try and feel better.

 

Constantly replaying every single memory in my head of what we had and moments we shared from going to dinner together, to holding hands while we were in the car together, and yes the most painful of all. What she felt like, how it was to kiss her, how it was to hold her after sex.

 

I don't find other women attractive...I just don't. I travel in and around the metro area for work everyday...I'm constantly in and out of buildings(I'm a Electrical Technician). I see and talk to women all the time...not the slightest interest in any of them whatsoever.

 

I'm constantly questioning myself. Does she ever think about me? Is she seeing anyone? Will I ever have another chance to just hug her again? For some reason I always get alittle joyous and excited just before I get home for the day thinking maybe she'll be waiting for me so we can fix things. (Dreams do come true sometimes right?) every time my phones rings I hold my breath hoping its her.

 

The majority of the reason we split was because while I knew I loved her, it all scared the piss out of me. I couldn't open up to her. Sure we talked about life and what our freinds and family were like. And she even met a few of my freinds. But I had a mental block to really opening up. Introducing her to my parents and sisters, Meeting her parents, stuff like that. I was so scared of how much I loved her that I became afraid to open up in case I lost her. Stupid of me I know.

 

My whole life I prayed to meet a woman that would make me this happy. Never in my life did I expect the love of my life would be 9 years older than me. It freaked me out! Ya I'm a , who's afraid of love right?

 

I really don't know how to deal with this. I want so badly to hear her voice. I told her in the letter I wrote she wouldn't hear from me again unless she contacted me. I will stand by that but damn this is hard.

 

It's funny that she left me because I wouldn't open up to her...and now she's the only person in the world I want to speak to. I've heard I just need to "move on"...what does that even mean? How can someone move on when it feels like they threw away their entire life. It feels like I took my one true love...the woman that was meant for me and just threw her away. All because I just couldn't accept that I found the one.

 

Yes I'm fully aware that anything is possible and for all I know we could be married this time next year...but it is not easy staying positive.

 

This is rock bottom. It has to be. I'm so miserable.

 

Maybe I need to go for a run.

 

P.S. Any advice or helpful thoughts would be appreciated. However if all your gunna say is something like "you were too immature to handle a mature relationship", or "learn from this and move on" then don't post at all please.

[MrRedTech33]

I am so sorry you are hurting brother. I know that feeling all too well and I really feel for you. Yes, go for a run. In fact, exercise regularly and try destressing techniques and exercise (yoga), it will help so much and make you feel better physically and mentally. Emotions are different I have noticed. I am attracted to other women but I always think of my ex after or even during. She's the one I love so opening my heart to anyone else is damn near impossible. Pht

[MrRedTech33]

The pain will eventually subside, you will start breathing easier, sleeping well again, and even smile and laugh again. 😊. You have probably heard it already, but try to work and focus on yourself, your work, dreams and hobbies. It will be tough but eventually you will wake one day and see all your hard work paying off and find yourself thinking of her a little less each day. It doesn't mean you stop loving her, or close the door forever, but just finding your way to feeling alive again and moving forward.

[postponednups]

Read my posts, I went through something similar with an older woman. My advice is to move on as hard as that is. Remember the good memories of times together and feel fortunate to have had that relationship, BUT recognize that it is the past. You are going through a period of mourning and only time and taking care of yourself will make things better. Deal with the pain with grace (try to drink less) and embrace being single. Respect her by not reaching out any longer.

[Tch127]

I question to anyone who may be able to give me an insightful answer. I mentioned I had wrote a letter to her. Just to summarize it was about 4 pages and said everything from how I felt when our relationship first started to form, stated I was sorry for not being to open up when it mattered but I knew I was ready to be the man she diserved, I told her everything I loved about her and what made me care so much for her. I ended it with a clear intention to not contact her again unless she contacted me. I stated that I would always love her and while I realized I may never hear from her again I wouldn't say goodbye because I knew we could be happy together should she ever give me another chance.

 

Now here's the thing. I know that was probably a bad idea to send in the first place, and yes I know I've created doubt in my own mind that she's even read it. And no I do not expect a reply. My question however is at what point do yall think she replys if she ever does at all. I know there's a big chance I may never get a reply of any kind. However I'm simply curious as to what the processing period for a woman may be on something like that. Say she reads it and starts to understand how serious I am and starts thinking about wanting to get back together or at least talk. Do y'all think this would take a week? A month? I know every case is different and there is no deffinate answer to this...simply asking about how long a woman may take to fully make a decision on wether to call or not. Obviously I'm not a woman and am nowhere close to understanding a woman's thought process. So a woman's opinion on this would be nice.

[1a1a]

Fromwhat you describe, you have been mr unavailable. Now that she's made the choice to value herself and walk away she might never come back (if the lovefeelings faded then definitely not).

 

Don't lose heart, you needed this relationship to learn things about yourself. Now is the time to get a mental health care plan in place, to help you cope with loss, and to address your fear of commitment so you don't get stuck repeating this pattern.

 

(And I feel you brother, I'm two years out of being dumped and I still crumple sometimes

[boltnrun]

I received an email (not a letter). I never responded.

 

He'd had nearly two years to express himself to me and he never did. His email was way, way too late.

 

There's no way to know if your ex will or won't respond. Unfortunately that is the downside to choosing to send a letter. You're on pins and needles waiting.

 

I will say the chances of her responding in a positive way are slim since she'd already told you to stop contacting her.

 

I know you're hurting, but only time can take care of that. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

[Jibralta]

However I'm simply curious as to what the processing period for a woman may be on something like that. Say she reads it and starts to understand how serious I am and starts thinking about wanting to get back together or at least talk. Do y'all think this would take a week? A month? I know every case is different and there is no deffinate answer to this...simply asking about how long a woman may take to fully make a decision on wether to call or not. Obviously I'm not a woman and am nowhere close to understanding a woman's thought process. So a woman's opinion on this would be nice.

 

Like men, woman are human beings and subject to the same variation in thought and disposition as you are. I can only speak for myself, but I don't cut off exes and I respond to most communication. The exception would be if a guy is creepy or threatening in some way. I prefer to respond.

[No1]

All these feelings, passion and openness comes out AFTER she left, I wonder if those same feelings were there before she left.

I'm going to say that yes, professional help would be great for you. There are things that you are not being honest with yourself. Sounds to me you are going over the loss but not really attacking the problem.

Was the age difference a factor? Did you think you were too good for her? Did you think she was too good for you? Did you think you could keep an older woman happy? Were you afraid of not being perfect? And the real question, why were you too afraid to open up?

You made mistakes in a relationship and I have made the exact same mistake as you. Didn't open up, I took her for granted and she hit her limit and left and I was mr philosopher. But in all honesty, I kind of sabotaged my relationship by limiting my openness and my heart. It was a lesson learned and I think this should be a lesson for you. Next time you meet someone, you should open up or if that it not your style then meet someone who is okay with it.

And what you are doing is natural, you are building a defense system. Asking Does she think of me, did our X ever love us, was it ever real, will I see her again, did I lose her forever? And I will have to tell you to get rid of those questions. Because Ill be honest, the more answers you get or come up with, the more questions youll ask and it will be a never ending cycle. But Ill answer some of your questions. Does she think about you? Its most likely a yes. She does think about you and it probably hurts to. Will you ever hug her again? Or do you have a chance again? Answer is, its not up to you, its up to her. I can tell you that she knows what you are doing and if you are the same exact person then you give her no incentive to come back to you. If you go and get help and better yourself then who knows, she might see a change in you. But remember that if you get help its for you and not for her. But I think you moving forward helps your cause. You might think its a sign that you have closed the door. In fact you are saying I'm working on me.

It sucks where you are, been there many times and its not fun, but remember that if she comes back or not, you will be okay. If she never returns then you will find someone else to be happy with. Its not going to happen now, but in time. But as a final word, yes, go seek help. Your job might have an EAP (employee assistance program) that gives you free sessions with a counselor.. Look into it.

[wgmitch]

TCH,

 

Your story is repeated over and over again on this forum, you are not alone. Come here and vent and tell us how you feel, but you have tried communicating enough, you need to try no contact now. Work on yourself, go for that run, find God and your friends. Call your family or go see them. You need to be around people that love you and show you that you are lovable. What you are feeling is natural and you will be okay, we are all in your shoes with you. You should try and concentrate on what you didn't like about the relationship, there had to be things that weren't always great. Stop thinking about all the positives, it won't help.

 

Yes, this is what real heartbreak feels like. You need to live through it and grieve through the process. You do not have to do it alone. We are all here for you.

 

Mitch