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Advice please.


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Hi im new to this page. Im married for thw past 4 years and have one little boy who is 3 .Ill just get straight to the point. I was away for a weekend just gone with a group of girlfriends. First time in about 5 years. We went out very early on saturday and drank an awful amount of alcohol basically we ended up in a nightclub and things got way out of hand we were doing shots after shots with another group and i basically ended up kissing another man who was alot younger than me i cant even remember fully or even what he looked like. We left the club immediately. I jist feel awful that i let myself get in that state. I dont know what came over me this is something a teenager would have done. Im very happily married and wouldnt cope if anything ever ruined that. I just feel awful .

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Was it a kiss or making out? I would not go out heavily drinking with your friends anymore. I also would not tell your husband. Anything that breaks the trust in your relationship will hurt your child in the end. Reading this, your kid is my biggest concern.


I think you should feel bad. Marriage isn’t a joke, you’re a married adult with a child. Stop getting piss face drunk and making out with younger guys. Not trying to be rude, sometimes people just need to hear it straight. You messed up, luckily you didn’t sleep with the guy. Think about what you want in life and maybe then you won’t play with fire.

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To be fair, this doesn’t sound like something the OP does often or that she is condoning. There seems to be some remorse in her post and a question as to what to do next.


I would not tell hubby about this. There is no benefit to him knowing - it is just hurtful. Adopt a “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” approach for this one time.


You made a point of pointing out his youthfulness - curious why that is?

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Of course i take my marriage seriously and love my family very much. I wouldnt be on here if i didnt feel any remorse or guilt. It was a a stupid action and completely out of my character. I rarely drink anymore and i just got carried away being away for the weekend. I have no intentions of ever being thia drunk or stupid again. It was a 3 second mistake that i cant take back.

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Well I would want to know if my wife did.


And what is the likelihood of him eventually finding out from someone else? Since you were there with friends.


It would be a lot worse if he found out from someone else later.


I just don't understand how everyone pretty much always says "don't tell your SO"

Personally I think because I would break up with her if I found out somehow.

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If this was a drunken one-off and you're damn sure both a) you won't get that tanked again and b) there are no actual underlying motivations to kiss other men, I see no benefit to bringing that stain onto your household. You made the mistake, so you bear and effectively cope with the guilt. I'd also reconsider my company of friends.


But please don't chalk it up to "getting caught up in the weekend." If you're truly convinced it was a drunken mistake, take responsibility for the simple fact you binged. Doesn't matter if you rarely drink. It could have been a Tuesday night with a few bottles of wine at a friend's housewarming.

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Well I have a wife and child and I am pretty zero tolerance about infidelity.


But a drunken kiss at a bar and so much obvious remorse would overide that.


But if I found out later I wouldn't see any choice but to leave her.


True. Infidelity is one thing, but infidelity plus lying about it is 10x worse for the other person to deal with.

Marriages should be fully transparent and about building and keeping trust.

I think I'd rather hear a full confession, apology and commitment of not letting it happen again, especially since it's alcohol motivated.

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After 5 years of never doing anything for yourself, wall to wall kid time, and you go have fun with girlfriends for a weekend, and get super hammered. Do you even know if you initiated? I fail to see how telling your husband you were wasted and some dude took advantage of you is helpful or good for anyone. You didn't take it any further. You didn't exchange numbers, or start texting secretly, and emotionally pull away from your husband. If you can barely remember the dude, considering you've barely drank in 5 years, there's a solid chance you didn't know what you were doing.


I would never want my partner kissing someone else, but don't see how him telling me would make anything better, but relieve his guilt. Let him take it to the grave. But if he did tell me, I would never let him out of the house again. Either way, if you are not an annual girls weekend away type, the chance of you going for girl's weekend in the next decade is probably slim to none. The last time I got drunk was oh gosh, it's probably been 7 years, and the last time I just went out with hubby and kids and not work related was for maybe three hours tops, and one of my oldest friend was in town. So as bad as you want to feel, yes, feel it, but it's not like you were having an affair or killed someone, gambled the house away, or a weekly party girl.


Also keep in mind, you can be very happy in your marriage, and still step out. But you didn't step out. You got wasted, and some dude kissed you, or you lip smacked some dude.


I would also like to add, that I have gotten plenty of my female friends mad drunk, so I'm not judging on how much you drank!

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Another vote for DON'T tell your husband.


If it were my husband who'd gotten too drunk and kissed someone, id rather not know. We have a great marriage and I know he loves me. A big reason we are so happy is because we trust each other completely. I'm secure, I'm safe to be myself. If he were to confess about kissing someone, literally everything would become questionable to me, and there goes our happy marriage. I'd rather be happily married, IF it was never going to happen again. In this case, ignorance is bliss.


If it was honestly just a stupid mistake, eat your guilt and preserve your marriage by continuing on and never putting yourself in that situation again.

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Well, guess I’m in the minority...I think you should tell your husband. Nip it in the bud now, show him you’re remorseful, and it’ll be easier now to move on from it.


I don’t know your husband, so I’m not sure how he’d react, but think about his reaction if he hears about this from someone else; maybe one of your friends, or one of their friends or SO’s. If you think he’d be hurt and upset hearing about it from you, amplify that by about 100 (at least) if he gets the news from somewhere else. He’d probably wonder if there are other secrets you’re keeping from him.


Seems like you two have a strong marriage, but I think you’d be endangering that if you keep this from him. If your marriage is as strong as you say, he’d forgive you. It might hurt him at first, but honesty and admitting a mistake goes a long way rather than him possibly hearing about it from somewhere else.

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