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About to see ex-wife after 5 months how to handle it???

Bru

By Bru
in Infidelity

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Bru Apprentice

Bru

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My ex-wife whom I have posted about previously recently contacted me a week ago. When she took her stuff 5 months ago she left some of her stuff behind. I have been continuing improving my life, going to gym, hanging with friends and socialising with various women and having some fun again in my life. I have been on NC with her (she did from time to time check up on me but I did not entertain her, she even asked if I had a girlfirend), so last week she sent me a whatsapp message asking if I saw her hair dryer in the house. I knew this was an excuse or polite way to ask for her stuff. I told her she could come and get it. So now she will be coming over and I am unsure how to behave around her and I have these questions in my mind:-

 

What to talk about?

Should I show my anger for what she did?

Should I just pack the stuff and when she arrives she can just pick them up and go?

What if she wants to work things out (since she's been checking up and stuff)?

If she wants to know about my progress and future should I share with her?

 

Those are the questions but another thing Im not sure about is whether seeing her again will not set me back on my progress so far in forgetting what we had.

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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If I recall correctly, she cheated on you?

 

What to talk about?

 

Should I just pack the stuff and when she arrives she can just pick them up and go?

 

If she wants to know about my progress and future should I share with her?

 

Speaking for myself only, I would opt for packing whatever is hers and when she arrives, give it to her and she can leave. I would see no need to talk about anything to her.

 

If she wants to know about your progress, simply say "fine" and leave it at that. After all, SHE cheated. Deal-breaker, imo. If she wants to come back, tough luck.

 

It sounds like you have been getting on and doing well. Keep up with doing what you have been doing. You don't need the aggravation of her drama in your life.

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Bru Apprentice

Bru

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If I recall correctly, she cheated on you?

Keep up with doing what you have been doing.You don't need the aggravation of her drama in your life.

 

Yes she cheated and went to live with the new guy. I'm not going to give her attention & keep on doing what I have been doing. Thanks for the advise, I value it.

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Bru Apprentice

Bru

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If you are not ready to engage with her, and based upon this post, I am not sure you are, then I would:

 

Just pack her stuff into a box and leave it on the front porch/ourside apartment door/with the neighbour. Leave a message on the door and then go out.

 

 

I wish I could leave them outside but I know the dogs will tear and throw them all over the lawn (LOL although that would be my wish as punishment). I will put them inside close to the door to avoid drama. Thanks for the advice, I value it.

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Usa1ah Community Regular

Usa1ah

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I would see if a few of your female friends would be willing to be there with you when she picks the stuff up.

 

That might put a end to her wondering about what you are up to.

 

Can you imagine the look on her face.

 

Box it up and leave it at a mutual friends place. That way she has no excuse to snoop.

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Bru Apprentice

Bru

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is this the last of any "unfinished business" you have with her?

 

This is the very last time ever, (after I discovered she was cheating I asked her to return the wedding ring I was extremely angry that time) I wonder if she will bring it, but I dont want it anyway.

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Cyhiraeth Apprentice

Cyhiraeth

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I wish I could leave them outside but I know the dogs will tear and throw them all over the lawn (LOL although that would be my wish as punishment).

 

Why don’t you put the box on the front porch, and then take the dogs out for a walk when she’s planning to stop by? Stops them from destroying the box, and stops you from having to see her.

 

Good luck!

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sonar40 Contributor

sonar40

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I wish I could leave them outside but I know the dogs will tear and throw them all over the lawn (LOL although that would be my wish as punishment). I will put them inside close to the door to avoid drama. Thanks for the advice, I value it.

 

if you cant leave it on the porch can u leave it with a family member or friend of hers. I wouldnt take the risk of seeing her if there is even a 1% chance of it setting u back. I know it would set me back.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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I would have a friend there with you - gather up the stuff that is hers and put it in a box for her arrival and let her do a quick once around to make sure there is not a forgotten item so you don't have to deal with this again in six months. I would not simply leave her stuff out in the rain and such. You want things to be done once and for all and you don't want her to think of something else in six months.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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Why not leave the box at another location such as a mutual friend? A hair dryer? Totally an excuse. You should protect yourself and not see her. And chances are yes it will set you back. Put the items in a plastic box if you are concerned about the dogs and can't take it to a friend's.

 

Because she can name some other item that's not in the box. My ex left me stuff - and not til later did i realize i didn't have some important things. You want this done once and for all. Sorry it may be unpleasant to see her -- have your dad, brother, anyone with you so she knows its not an opportunity to linger -- whether you have them stay in the house with her while you go for a walk and then get your approval on what she asks for or whatever. if its JUST the hairdryer, then leave it on the porch, but if you feel this will open a can of worms, i'd let it be once and done

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Bru Apprentice

Bru

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Why not leave the box at another location such as a mutual friend? A hair dryer? Totally an excuse. You should protect yourself and not see her. And chances are yes it will set you back. Put the items in a plastic box if you are concerned about the dogs and can't take it to a friend's.

 

I agree, do you mean a friend of hers perhaps?

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fwdthinker Enthusiast

fwdthinker

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That could work... The point is you owe her very little. Your job is to heal your heart and not undo any of the progress you have already made. Dealing with her stuff and possibly having to see her is not going to help you there in my opinion. You can box the items and then leave them with a friend. Seeing her face to face is not advisable. She created this situation. Treat her like a bad flu you don't want to be exposed to lest you fall ill. I'm sorry this happened to you.

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