My girlfriend slept with her gay bff

[Jlhg95]

So my girlfriend of 6 months has a gay bff whom she is close with, they see each other a couple of times a week. She has always told me that nothing has ever happened between them and that they’re just friends however last night she told me that a few years ago they had oral sex and that “she couldn’t remember what else because they were both drunk...”. How Can I accept that this has happened between them and be okay her continuing to see him? I have always been fine with her seeing him but I feel that this is a dealbreaker...

[DanZee]

It is never a good idea to get between a girl's and her bestie. Because chances are she'll pick the bestie over you. If you make this an issue, then you're out the door.

 

Look, pull back your jealousy and just let it be. Girls are more mature socially and they're capable of having a lot of different relationships than men seem to be capable of. Don't bring the BFF up. Don't insult him. If she says something about him just say, that's nice, and leave it at that. You'll have a much better relationship with her if you hold your jealousy in check. She's not doing anything with the guy so don't try to break her up with him.

[SweetGirl28]

Don't make it a deal breaker, it was years ago. It's not like she cheated on you.

[j.man]

What reason in the world did she have to tell you this?

[Knight2001]

if you feel like it's a deal breaker (i agree) bin her. hey, you're only 6 months in. call it a day and get a new one for the summer. good luck.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, why after 6 mos dating and so many years ago did she tell you this last night? How old is she? Have you met her friend?

last night she told me that a few years ago they had oral sex and that “she couldn’t remember what else because they were both drunk...”.

[lostandhurt]

It would seem he is not as gay as one would think...

 

The cat is out of the bag so you might as well talk about it.

 

Tell her this revelation has made you feel uncomfortable with the amount of time she spends with the guy so she at least knows how you feel. Make sure she knows you are not saying she should stop hanging out with him but knowing this now is something you need to work through.

 

In the end it is up to you to decide if you want to continue to see this woman. It is not as common as we see here usually where some guy is dating a girl and she is still close to an ex that she used to have sex with and he is not happy about it but this would make any guy pause to rethink the relationship and if he was okay with what is going on.

 

Once you decide you need to not try and control her. What if her and the gay friend get drunk together will that trigger a feeling of mistrust?

 

Lost

[Wiseman2]

Was it a few days ago or a few years ago? What's up with the true confessions all of a sudden?

they’re just friends however last night she told me that a few years ago they had oral sex and that “she couldn’t remember what else because they were both drunk...”.

[Usa1ah]

I would feel the same as you if a girl I was dating told me of this.

 

I question as well the confession at this time. Why not explain it from the beginning of the relationship?

 

Time to deep six this relationship and find someone else. Be up front with her about male friends and the fact you are ok unless she has slept with them.

[abitbroken]

If he was her "gay male friend", then she would never have even HAD to say that "nothing ever happened between us" because he's gay. Just like i would never have to say that about a relative, or my 80 year old neighbor, or the teller at the bank. He is NOT gay. He's bisexual and he is a suitor - or at least a f** buddy. I am sorry, I would dump her. Its not appropriate and she sees him "several" times a week? So he sees him as much as she sees you or more? Sorry, I would not continue with her. Its not like she said that she slept with someone she barely has contact with but preempts you with the information because you will run into him at her work banquet (ie, he's from a different state, etc, and he will happen to be there).

 

That's BS that "women are more capable of different types of relationships than men" -- I don't want to date a man who sees a woman several times a week socially one on one as well as has slept with her in the past. Its about boundaries and honesty.