I can't get him to leave and it hurts more that he stays

[Badkitty89]

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years. I've always given him his space which actually led me to find out that he had been hanging out with another girl when we first started seeing each other. Now it's been so long and I tried to let it go because I don't think that he actually cheated but I know for a fact that he did lie about hanging out with her. For about the last year I caught him hiding his phone and messages from girls. The last one came up when he was showing me a video on his phone. It was clearly a girl's username and she was asking to meet up at the bar where he works. He asked who this was after I had asked him who it was as he claim to not know her. She replied back "are you serious? So you do delete me..." he swore up and down that he didn't know who she was but I could tell by the username exactly who it was and I know that he knows her. The next day he admitted that he knew who she was but that he had never talked to her before on the phone. This is only one instance out of many. I don't believe him anymore. And I don't think that I will ever again. I told him how I feel and that I've fallen out of love with him. Honestly I'm not sure I ever really did love him, just because of his lie so early on in our relationship. I have told him multiple times that I want him to leave I've said it nicely. I've been angry we fought about it. He doesn't really say much and then the next day he acts like nothing ever happened. Like I never said any of that stuff and he wasn't going to move out. It's like him staying here is making things worse for me because all I can think about is that he lying to me all the time. I don't know how to get him to move out I've even suggested him staying with his friends or family. I can't just throw his stuff outside because I am not a mean person and I don't want his stuff to get ruined I don't want to get rid of anything of his or be responsible for anything broken I'm not like that. I just want him to respect me and how I feel and I want him to please take me seriously. I've discussed our relationship and I told him that I don't see a future with us but he still refuses to leave he just tries to act like I never say any of that stuff. His friends ask us when we're getting married and I don't say anything cuz I know that that's not something that I want to do with him. I also have a seven-year-old son who is with me all the time and I don't want it to hurt him if my boyfriend leaves but I know that it would be better off for both of us in the long run just cuz of certain questionable things that he has done to my son in the past like smacking his face once causing his nose to bleed which that was another instance that really made me not want to be a part of this and he's always yelling at him he doesn't teach him anything he just yells at him. I think he just is comfortable here and doesn't want to spend extra money on his own place and also says to me sometimes how he thinks that I can't afford this on my own which I make more than enough and have done so before he moved in with me. Long story short how do I get him to leave? I'm starting to think that the only way that it will happen is if I do something bad like getting really mean about this or cheating is something I've actually considered because maybe if he doesn't like something about me or that I've done then he will actually want to go. The only reason that I haven't cheated yet is because I don't want to stoop to his level and I want to be the better person. I'm stuck in this relationship that he won't let me out of.

[DancingFool]

Is he on the lease or just you or is this your place entirely? If he is on the lease, go talk to the landlord about having removed from the lease early and what needs to be done with that. They are used to dealing with this kind of stuff so they might be helpful. If they aren't, then go talk to a real estate attorney on how to remove him legally. Consultations are usually free.

 

Once you know what the legal process is, then sit him down and tell him point blank that you are officially giving him 30 days to leave voluntarily. If he doesn't leave voluntarily, you will have him evicted and that will go on his record. You are serious. You mean this. Tell him that you have discussed this already with an attorney. Follow it up by sending the request to vacate in 30 days via e-mail and text. Put it in writing to get your point across.

 

The alternative is that if your lease is ending soon, then you find a new place and move out. Again, tell him you are leaving and put it in writing.

 

He isn't taking you seriously, so make it clear that you are actually serious and that isn't just another argument you are having.

[boltnrun]

Wait, this man hit your son? And made him bleed? And you allowed him to stay after that? And you refer that as "questionable"?????

 

Plus, he yells at your son, yet you think your son will miss him or something?

 

I really don't understand women who allow men to abuse their children. Are you "afraid" to be "alone" or something?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Is it your place or do you both rent it? Ask him to move within 30 days. Frankly you should have kicked him out the day he hit your son causing a nosebleed. You are lucky CPS didn't take your son away. If anyone else hears about this abuse, it will jeopardize things. Where is the child's father? It's your job to protect your son not play games with this cheap abusive creep wondering if he's messaging women, etc.

r

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years.

I don't know how to get him to move out

he has done to my son in the past like smacking his face once causing his nose to bleed. he's always yelling at him

[abitbroken]

questionable things that he has done to my son in the past like smacking his face once causing his nose to bleed which that was another instance that really made me not want to be a part of this and he's always yelling at him he doesn't teach him anything he just yells at him.

 

Did you call the police and report this? If you will not kick him out, YOU need to leave. If you won't leave, then make arrangements for the boy's father to take him to get out of harm's way since you refuse to protect your son - you are more concerned with being "nice". If you own the home, change the locks and put his stuff in storage or on the porch - if you put it in storage -- leave the key for him somewhere with a note.

[thealchemist]

How can you allow him to stay when he abuses your child?

[ThatwasThen]

Why don't YOU take your son and leave? If he's not on the leas then have the landlord evict him. If you own the home then call a lawyer and find out how you get rid of him.

 

Whatever you do, stop making excuses why he's still there and do something like call the police, a lawyer, a private security service and hire a man to remove him. It's time to do more then ask him to leave and then he ignores you. It's time for concrete action with the help of someone of authority. Failing that, you get out and leave him there.

 

So: Is this a rental you're in with him or do you own the home.