I [22] need serious help with my GF [21] & my mother

[katrina1980]

^^ Good post bolt.

 

What I can't figure out is, what is so damn appealing about these women that have men giving up their own mums, family, friends, LIFE so as to make these women happy?!

 

Is because they're so hot? Good in bed? What? It's like they cast a spell after which the men lose all rational thought. Cause surely allowing such manipulation is not rational!

 

I can't figure it myself.

[melancholy123]

I understand the sentiment that I'm foolish for letting her control me, but in the moment I don't really realize it. It's difficult to explain. She has a way of making me second guess myself, make me feel absolutely awful for making her feel insecure, & I end up thinking maybe that she's right. Maybe I can fix her insecurities if I make her feel more important & loved.

 

No you cant fix her insecurities. That's her job, and hopefully when she grows up and matures it will come. You cant do this for her.

[Bunney]

I think some lack basic understanding of an abusive relationship. Once emotionally attached, the abuser gaslights, manipulates, makes the abused second-guess themselves & like the OP mentioned previously, question their sanity. I heavily doubt abused men are in the mindset of "oh, yeah, she is absolutely nuts but hey, she is good in bed so giving up contact with my mom will be worth it"

 

OP, I speak of abuser because that is what she is - an abuser in her early stages (isolating her partner from his loved ones). It is about to get a LOT worse, so it was extremely important that you realized this in time and you did, and I hope you will follow through with breaking up. Remember that abusers are incredibly skilled at mindgames and manipulation, so be prepared for that. I am normally all for breaking up in person, but when it is someone who is treating you this horribly and might very well have severe mental health issues, I find it better to do it via phone, or sending a sweet short message saying that you are done (which in toxic relationships like these, can also often be benefitial for the physical well-being of the abused..). Take care.

 

PS. It is very very common in toxic, abusive relationships that the abused starts developing a mindset of "I can help him/her", I can fix him/her... The truth is that you cannot. Remember this always.

[SecondChain]

I think some lack basic understanding of an abusive relationship. Once emotionally attached, the abuser gaslights, manipulates, makes the abused second-guess themselves & like the OP mentioned previously, question their sanity. I heavily doubt abused men are in the mindset of "oh, yeah, she is absolutely nuts but hey, she is good in bed so giving up contact with my mom will be worth it"

 

OP, I speak of abuser because that is what she is - an abuser in her early stages (isolating her partner from his loved ones). It is about to get a LOT worse, so it was extremely important that you realized this in time and you did, and I hope you will follow through with breaking up. Remember that abusers are incredibly skilled at mindgames and manipulation, so be prepared for that. I am normally all for breaking up in person, but when it is someone who is treating you this horribly and might very well have severe mental health issues, I find it better to do it via phone, or sending a sweet short message saying that you are done (which in toxic relationships like these, can also often be benefitial for the physical well-being of the abused..). Take care.

 

PS. It is very very common in toxic, abusive relationships that the abused starts developing a mindset of "I can help him/her", I can fix him/her... The truth is that you cannot. Remember this always.

 

Thanks for your alternative take on this & offering some understanding, I appreciate it. I guess it was hard for me to classify myself as being abused, because by society's standards, I'm a guy so I didn't really examine that angle of the relationship. My mental health has been in a hard decline because of the mind games she has played with me. If the genders were reversed, I would have no trouble labeling it emotional abuse, so you are absolutely correct.

 

Earlier today she tried to take my phone out of my hand to see who I was texting, she got a little aggressive & slapped my phone out of my hand onto the floor. That's the last straw for me. I'm making the preparations now to break up with her & I'm ending it in the morning.

[boltnrun]

No surprise she's started hitting you. If you stayed with her this would escalate.

[figureitout23]

I think some lack basic understanding of an abusive relationship. Once emotionally attached, the abuser gaslights, manipulates, makes the abused second-guess themselves & like the OP mentioned previously, question their sanity. I heavily doubt abused men are in the mindset of "oh, yeah, she is absolutely nuts but hey, she is good in bed so giving up contact with my mom will be worth it"

 

OP, I speak of abuser because that is what she is - an abuser in her early stages (isolating her partner from his loved ones). It is about to get a LOT worse, so it was extremely important that you realized this in time and you did, and I hope you will follow through with breaking up. Remember that abusers are incredibly skilled at mindgames and manipulation, so be prepared for that. I am normally all for breaking up in person, but when it is someone who is treating you this horribly and might very well have severe mental health issues, I find it better to do it via phone, or sending a sweet short message saying that you are done (which in toxic relationships like these, can also often be benefitial for the physical well-being of the abused..). Take care.

 

PS. It is very very common in toxic, abusive relationships that the abused starts developing a mindset of "I can help him/her", I can fix him/her... The truth is that you cannot. Remember this always.

 

Excellent post Bunney, stay strong OPer you can walk away.

[Silverbirch]

She's crazy. Please get rid of her.

[Nips927]

Drop her and never look back it'll only get worse

[Wiseman2]

Cut your losses, she's a control freak it will only get worse.

9 months.She insists on us being together 24/7 & spending every waking moment together, so her trying to drive a wedge between my mother & I is a fairly serious problem.