What does this mean? Girlfriend texted me this.

[vmaypa]

My girlfriend randomly texted me this, “Hey babe do you ever feel like I’m being distant towards you at times?” What does this mean? I responded to her by saying “no I don’t feel as if you’re being distant because I know you’re busy with school, work, and your child.” But she said no, and said, do I ever feel as if she’s being emotionally distant??? What?! LOL i have so much going on with school right now for some reason I don’t understand what she’s trying to say.

[LootieTootie]

I honestly don't know so please don't take my word for it :nightmare: but I interpret this as her letting you know she has a lot on her mind which has made her emotionally distant from you. You may not have noticed because you've been wrapped up in your own world too.

[MissCanuck]

I would simply ask her why she's asking.

 

She feels emotionally distant from you for whatever reason; as her boyfriend, it follows that you would ask what's on her mind.

[Waraqqa]

Maybe someone in her past was upset with her for being distant, and she was cautious to make sure you don't get the same impression during times when she is busy.

But yes, I would ask her directly.

[Andrina]

People should be creating rules that important topics be discussed in person or with a telephone call. I would refuse to answer a text like this, and say as much, that it should be discussed in person. Texts lack tone and sometimes are misinterpreted.

[vmaypa]

So I asked her yesterday what she meant by the text, and she said that at times she feels like she's emotionally distant. She said that she was just asking because if she was, she wanted to fix it before it becomes a problem. She said that if I were to tell her something, she would basically say, "okay," or wouldn't respond. Do you guys think this is something I should be concerned about it? She told me there was no negative connotation to what she had texted me, and not to worry about anything. Usually with my past relationships, being "distant," was a negative connotation to me, which meant that the relationship was either not working out, or was coming to an end. I clarified why I was so worried about it, but she said no, it was nothing like that, there was no negative connotation to it, and not to worry at all.

[ShatteredMan]

People should be creating rules that important topics be discussed in person or with a telephone call. I would refuse to answer a text like this, and say as much, that it should be discussed in person. Texts lack tone and sometimes are misinterpreted.

 

Completely agree.

[IAmFCA]

Completely agree.

 

On this forum most people agree

 

However, I recently saw research that extolls the benefits of text for emotionally loaded discussion. It gives each party privacy, an opportunity to craft their messages, to step away for a minute before reacting, etc.

 

I prefer text.

 

I have an ongoing connection over 2.5 years long; most of our important discussions have been by text. I once apologized for using text and he affirmed text is fine - it was the content he didn't like.

 

I have fwb relationship that is loving, true friends, sexual, and long distance, that is 6 or 7 years long... we text way more than we speak. Maybe 10 mins on the phone every few weeks but text almost daily.

 

Its important to know your partner.

 

Introverts, people who work to access and manage their emotions, who may often have ears around such as kids... we may prefer text for most things.

[MissCanuck]

So I asked her yesterday what she meant by the text, and she said that at times she feels like she's emotionally distant. She said that she was just asking because if she was, she wanted to fix it before it becomes a problem. She said that if I were to tell her something, she would basically say, "okay," or wouldn't respond. Do you guys think this is something I should be concerned about it? She told me there was no negative connotation to what she had texted me, and not to worry about anything. Usually with my past relationships, being "distant," was a negative connotation to me, which meant that the relationship was either not working out, or was coming to an end. I clarified why I was so worried about it, but she said no, it was nothing like that, there was no negative connotation to it, and not to worry at all.

 

Well, has she been doing this?

 

It seems odd that she brought this up if it's only a hypothetical and then said it's nothing to worry about.

[Wiseman2]

A lot of "relationship talk" is meant to get your feelings on things. That's what this part sounds like so just answer positively such as "i think we're very close emotionally"

But she said no, and said, do I ever feel as if she’s being emotionally distant?

[abitbroken]

On this forum most people agree

 

However, I recently saw research that extolls the benefits of text for emotionally loaded discussion. It gives each party privacy, an opportunity to craft their messages, to step away for a minute before reacting, etc.

 

I prefer text.

 

I have an ongoing connection over 2.5 years long; most of our important discussions have been by text. I once apologized for using text and he affirmed text is fine - it was the content he didn't like.

 

I have fwb relationship that is loving, true friends, sexual, and long distance, that is 6 or 7 years long... we text way more than we speak. Maybe 10 mins on the phone every few weeks but text almost daily.

 

Its important to know your partner.

 

Introverts, people who work to access and manage their emotions, who may often have ears around such as kids... we may prefer text for most things.

 

I only agree with you if you are communicating with a person who is dangerous to you, or that you have broken up or are reinforcing something that has already been discussed ad naseum in person and you are reinforcing it.

I do not recommend it if you are currently in a relationship with that person, particiularly a fresh topic. This whole thread is proof that texts can get misinterpreted

[vmaypa]

No I haven’t even noticed that she’s said that at all. For the most part she has always responded to my feelings and she had also been affectionate.

[IAmFCA]

I only agree with you if you are communicating with a person who is dangerous to you, or that you have broken up or are reinforcing something that has already been discussed ad naseum in person and you are reinforcing it.

I do not recommend it if you are currently in a relationship with that person, particiularly a fresh topic. This whole thread is proof that texts can get misinterpreted

 

Yes, texts can definitely be misinterpreted. I recently communicated most effectively by handwritten letter. My verbal speech was misinterpreted a few days ago, and now the guy I liked thinks i don't like him at all. All communication can be misinterpreted, and all one way communication lacks the benefit of responsive listening.

 

My point is not that text is right or wrong. It is that for some people, text often is preferred. I am one of those people. The man I have been interested in for a few years also is one of those people. We have dumped each other and reconnected over text more than once; text is fine for us. I asked him if I was wife material, over text. He said I was, over text.

 

Y'all, I learned my father died, over text: "Dad just died." We all liked it because it was clear and immediate and didn't require any hello and goodbye on the telephone.

 

For some people, text is fine. Know your audience.

[katrina1980]

IamCA, I hear ya, I also prefer text (or email); I absolutely suck at verbal communication.

 

I was painfully shy growing up, and even as an adult I get very tongue-tied, I express my thoughts and feelings much more effectively via text and email.

 

Until I feel "very" comfortable with someone, which sometimes can take a long time. Then verbal expression is easier, but still prefer written.

 

At work, communicating with clients, bosses, co-workers, it's all about email, for everyone!

 

But I understand the other side of the debate too, many people suck at written communication, and are better expressing thoughts verbally.

 

But if two people (whether they're dating, friends, family whatever) excel at written communique, then many sensitive issues can be discussed and resolved that way.

 

The only time I would "not" prefer it is when notifying/being notified of a close family member's death.

 

When my dad passed, I think if my brother had texted me with that info, instead of calling, I literally would have freaked.

 

Knowing myself, I would have had no idea where to go with those emotions; I recall needing to talk, vent, cry, in fact we did so together. It actually brought us much closer.

 

My dad died unexpectedly though, it was a huge shock to all of us, so perhaps that makes it a bit different.

 

In any event, if you were ok with being told that way, actually preferring it, that is really all that matters.

 

Whatever works!

[IAmFCA]

IamCA, I hear ya, I also prefer text (or email); I absolutely suck at verbal communication.

 

I was painfully shy growing up, and even as an adult I get very tongue-tied, I express my thoughts and feelings much more effectively via text and email.

 

Until I feel "very" comfortable with someone, which sometimes can take a long time. Then verbal expression is easier, but still prefer written.

 

At work, communicating with clients, bosses, co-workers, it's all about email, for everyone!

 

But I understand the other side of the debate too, many people suck at written communication, and are better expressing thoughts verbally.

 

But if two people (whether they're dating, friends, family whatever) excel at written communique, then many sensitive issues can be discussed and resolved that way.

 

The only time I would "not" prefer it is when notifying/being notified of a close family member's death.

 

When my dad passed, I think if my brother had texted me with that info, instead of calling, I literally would have freaked.

 

Knowing myself, I would have had no idea where to go with those emotions; I recall needing to talk, vent, cry, in fact we did so together. It actually brought us much closer.

 

My dad died unexpectedly though, it was a huge shock to all of us, so perhaps that makes it a bit different.

 

In any event, if you were ok with being told that way, actually preferring it, that is really all that matters.

 

Whatever works!

 

Thank you K!

 

I started to write more but my th7mbs are yoo cold. lol l8r!

[DaisyMayPorter]

I agree you should call to discuss this. Any relationship “issues” should not be discussed over text.