hnunn13 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. When we first started dating he was SO sweet. The last couple of months he’s turned into someone I don’t recognize as much. He’s not as affectionate, attentive and considerate as I feel like I deserve. He sometimes takes hours to respond to text messages. I know he’s working but he works for his dad. Working hasn’t stopped him from answering me in a year, why is it now? He says things that come out mean but never apologizes. He’s begun hanging out with a guy again who he’s known for a long time...and I like the friend but my boyfriend has been continually choosing him over me. I know guys need guy time but it’s not just that. If we go out...the friend usually goes to. If we have dinner with my boyfriends family, the friend is usually there. Where as my boyfriend used to leave my house at around 10:30-11, he now leaves at 9ish and goes to his friends house. He left my house early on Christmas Eve claiming he was going home to see his parents since they’d been gone all week. An hour and a half later...he’s at his friends house. I’ve tried to confront him about this and he just gets defensive. He also has blown off an old friend, who’s very very sweet. He blocked her on social media and when she texted him apologizing for whatever she’d done. He ignored her. I know she can sometimes be annoying but I just don’t see how it’s respectful to treat her like that when she’s been so good to him. He’s blowing money. He’s being rude. He’s ignoring me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to him about it but it just turns into a huge fight and nothing gets done about it. I’ve tried admitting my flaws first. I cry in front of him. I ask him what I did wrong. Nothing works. I love him dearly but I don’t know how to change this. Link to comment
Tryingit Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. When we first started dating he was SO sweet. The last couple of months he’s turned into someone I don’t recognize as much. He’s not as affectionate, attentive and considerate as I feel like I deserve. He sometimes takes hours to respond to text messages. I know he’s working but he works for his dad. Working hasn’t stopped him from answering me in a year, why is it now? He says things that come out mean but never apologizes. He’s begun hanging out with a guy again who he’s known for a long time...and I like the friend but my boyfriend has been continually choosing him over me. I know guys need guy time but it’s not just that. If we go out...the friend usually goes to. If we have dinner with my boyfriends family, the friend is usually there. Where as my boyfriend used to leave my house at around 10:30-11, he now leaves at 9ish and goes to his friends house. He left my house early on Christmas Eve claiming he was going home to see his parents since they’d been gone all week. An hour and a half later...he’s at his friends house. I’ve tried to confront him about this and he just gets defensive. He also has blown off an old friend, who’s very very sweet. He blocked her on social media and when she texted him apologizing for whatever she’d done. He ignored her. I know she can sometimes be annoying but I just don’t see how it’s respectful to treat her like that when she’s been so good to him. He’s blowing money. He’s being rude. He’s ignoring me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to him about it but it just turns into a huge fight and nothing gets done about it. I’ve tried admitting my flaws first. I cry in front of him. I ask him what I did wrong. Nothing works. I love him dearly but I don’t know how to change this. Damn my instincts tell me he’s gay... Or maybe doing drugs or something with the guy that he can’t get anywhere else 🙅🏻♀️ Link to comment
Zippy2000 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Whilst dating someone. People always are on their best behaviour. Its what w call the "honey moon" phase of an early part of a relationship. This phase can last for about from 1 or 2 years and after this phase when the initial excitement diminishes. We see the real character of the person come out. After this time people take each other for granted. Relationships take time to build and also takes two to maintain and on going relationship. If one person doesn't put their effort in. Its not really a relationship. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Sorry to hear this. It sounds like "the friend" is just a cover for seeing someone else.Where as my boyfriend used to leave my house at around 10:30-11, he now leaves at 9ish and goes to his friends house. He left my house early on Christmas Eve claiming he was going home to see his parents since they’d been gone all week. An hour and a half later...he’s at his friends house. He’s blowing money. He’s being rude. He’s ignoring me Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Please leave him while you still have dignity. I also think he is gay or that the guy friend is a cover for something else. He's not who you thought he was because you didn't start to get to know the real him until now. This will only get worse if you stay with him. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Immediately when I read this I thought that he was gay. Leaving on Christmas Eve seems a little strange. And if the friend is hanging out with his family there’s a good chance that he is more than friends with this guy. Link to comment
Andrina Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Sounds like the relationship has run its course for him. People normally have many relationships while young before settling down with a lifetime partner. The relationship is no longer satisfactory to you and he doesn't care that you're upset, as you've communicated. Time for you to ends things instead of clinging to the decaying carcass of a former relationship. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Agree with above: either he's gay, or leaving to see "the friend" is cover for another woman. Either way, he hasn't "turned into" this bad person. This is who he is. What you saw in your first few months was his representative: shiny, polished, sweet. All you've done is peeled back the onion layers, and now you're starting to see the real him. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I also think that he is not just friends with this guy. I am sorry OP, but he is not boyfriend material for you. Why don't you just call it a day? It seems obvious he's lost interest in the relationship. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Nothing works. I love him dearly but I don’t know how to change this. I'd tell him that I love him and can picture the two of us together in the future, and that's why I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another. If he ever decides that he wants to have the kind of respectful and loving relationship we started out with, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best. Then I'd fly off of his radar completely and leave it up to him whether he ever wants to return to who he was and what you had. If not, then you're far better off healing and moving forward with your own life. Head high. Link to comment
Rozhni Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I was the same exact way with my gf between the ages of 15-18. She was my first long term relationship and we were both deeply in love with one another the first year. I spent all my free time with her. Literally what you described is EXACTLY what I was doing to my gf... I don’t think he’s gay or bi at all. I just feel like he’s feeling the way I was feeling back then. After about a year I started getting tired of seeing her as often as I was seeing her. I hardly had any time for my friends. I missed doing things that I actually LIKED to do with my 2-3 best guy friends. You can’t replace those things with a gf. We played video games together, bonded, talked about girls, played basketball, laughed, just all these healthy things men need to do.. My gf would sit at home alone and get upset that I wasn’t with her and wasn’t texting her! Why does he have to text you? He’s busy with friends! My gf would call me, text me, start arguments and this would just completely piss me off and turn me away from her. You need to respect his time with his friends otherwise it’ll never work out. He’ll text you, don’t worry. Just try not to text him. Wait for him to come to you. And when he does don’t be a b**** to him. He’ll come to you. My gf didn’t have friends or any hobbies so she was always bored and all about me and wouldn’t stop bothering me. Huge turn off. She ended up cheating on me and blamed me for it lol. I loved her to death, but she just never understood that I needed a lot of space and unlike her, I had a life outside of our relationship, I had friends, I played high school basketball, and I liked spending time with family. If she would have just had her own friends, hobbies, and life, we would have still been together. It’s up to you though. There are men out there who don’t have much going for them and will cling onto you and want to spend time with you 24/7 forever. They’re unhealthy but they’re out there. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Rozhni, with all due respect, I don't think this is a case of a guy not getting enough guy time with his buddies. In most cases, I would agree with what you're saying about backing off and giving space. However, I don't believe this is that simple. OP has a third wheel in her relationship. Link to comment
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