Not sure if something's going on or if i'm just paranoid

[zodiac321]

Hello,

 

I'm in a situation where I was single for several years after a divorce. Later, I met a girl and we seemed to have a good relationship and were happy together.

After about 6 months of being together we talked about our future together and made long term plans then, she began going through all of my personal paperwork and other belongings I had saved over years. She attacked me for every paper she looked at that had something on it she didn't like and even attacked me for dating before I met her; I dated occasionally during the years I was single.

 

I have been regularly accused of "having someone else" and she even expected me to be on the telephone with her for the first 1 to 2 hours of my work day; if she called and I didn't answer the phone she would call back immediately 5 to 10 times.

 

She made it clear that if we're together all finances will be in both of our names and any "sneakiness" will be an unacceptable act and damage the relationship beyond the repair. Now her name has been added to all of the assets and bank accounts I have and she has attempted to either sell or cash in everything that she couldn't have her name put on. I am now down to my house which I purchased using my veteran benefits; I bought the house for us to live in and had sold the house I had purchased prior to meeting her.

 

She has over a $100,000 in her bank account and thousands of dollars in cash along with 50% ownership of a house she had from a prior divorce settlement; I have never been fully briefed on the total amount of assets she has, what they are or where they are located.

 

She is beginning to ask about getting her name on the title for the house and I am getting a little suspicious about the " everything will be in both of our names" agreement we were supposed to be in. My name is not on any of her assets and I am down to my last asset going in her name. My paycheck goes into our joint account and she saves money on her side in her personal account; I have had to cut off a major percentage of my retirement contributions to pay expenses.

 

Once we started looking for a new house and began closing, she began getting verbally abusive and her behaviors were straight from the list of classic domestic abuse behaviors and tactics almost textbook.

 

She has already started to attempt to control me with things we own together like the car, when she has an issue suddenly the car is hers and I will never use it. Luckily I have my car from before I met her because she was unable to sell it so I have transportation, but does threaten to sell it and take the money for it threatening me with having no transportation and has told me she will ruin my career if I don't do what she wants.

 

These are just some of the behaviors I have experienced.

 

I am not excited about another divorce but, can't see myself living under these conditions for years and would like some observations or advice from anyone that has been in this situation.

[thealchemist]

Why did you stick around when this first started happening? Or let her take half of all your stuff but allow her to hide her finances?

 

Man you have gotten yourself into a very tough situation.

 

I would say that you need a lawyer.

[Liraele]

Yikes. I'd be talking to a lawyer ASAP.

 

The controlling is scary enough and reason enough to leave...but her grab for all of your stuff is scary too.

[preciousgirl82]

I can guarantee you that this is an unhealthy relationship and will only worsen with time. She sounds extremely possessive, controlling, and manipulative. Divorce is never preferred but it's not half as bad as being robbed of all your assets and your dignity. Get out of this before it gets any messier and definitely consult with an attorney.

[DancingFool]

You are just now starting to think that something is totally wrong with her and your situation??? Yikes. I'll just echo everyone else here. You need to go to a good lawyer today and get real professional help in how to get out of this without losing your last shirt on your back.

 

That aside you really need to sit down with yourself and think long and hard why you accepted completely psychotic, controlling behavior from this woman from day one and kept on with her as long as you have.

[Iggy5129]

So you gave someone half your stuff that you had been dating for 6 months and aren't even married to?? That was not a smart move. Never combine finances with someone you're not married to. If you're married you have legal repercussions called divorce court. When you WILLINGLY give someone you're not married to half your stuff there's little you can do about it. I doubt a lawyer will help, but it's worth a try. You willingly gave this woman access to everything so you'll probably have to pay the price of losing half(or possibly all depending on how vindictive she is) your money to get rid of her. It's a very expensive lesson to learn but I bet you'll never make this mistake again.

 

And yes she sounds abusive and quite manipulative. Why did this seem like a good idea to you? Very curious about that.

[reinventmyself]

Reread what you just wrote. Had a friend or family member just shared the same thing, what would you advise them?

 

You know what you need to do.

[catfeeder]

she began going through all of my personal paperwork and other belongings I had saved over years.

 

I didn't get past this^^. It would have been my dealbreaker, so the rest becomes irrelevant.

 

Respect yourself.

[Gabriella33]

So you gave someone half your stuff that you had been dating for 6 months and aren't even married to?? That was not a smart move. Never combine finances with someone you're not married to. If you're married you have legal repercussions called divorce court. When you WILLINGLY give someone you're not married to half your stuff there's little you can do about it. I doubt a lawyer will help, but it's worth a try. You willingly gave this woman access to everything so you'll probably have to pay the price of losing half(or possibly all depending on how vindictive she is) your money to get rid of her. It's a very expensive lesson to learn but I bet you'll never make this mistake again.

 

And yes she sounds abusive and quite manipulative. Why did this seem like a good idea to you? Very curious about that.

 

I agree. My bf put likewise did a joint bank account with his last gf and, right before she planned to break up with him, she stole his $100,000 savings (which had taken him several years to save up). He had no legal grounds to pursue charges and get his money back because the account was in both their names.

[tattoobunnie]

Open up all new accounts only in your name, and in one day, start transferring whatever is yours over. Do not add her name to anything else. Keep receipts of everything - do not pay anything with cash, so you have a paper trail. After you have everything all settled, ask her to leave.

[DanZee]

You left out the part about marrying her. ("I am not excited about another divorce.") So basically half of what's yours is already hers and she's trying to get the other half as well. Why did you marry her? Yes, you're being emotionally abused. No, you're not being paranoid. You have to start salvaging what's left of your possessions and divorce her.

[Courseitsme]

I'm sorry to her the situation you find yourself in...but with no disrespect i dont see why you need advice from anyone given its clear to you the situation you find yourself in ...I seriously recommend you seek legal assistance and get out of there if she doesn't apply the same rules to her finances that she's applied to yours... there are SERIOUS alarm bells...cut and run for the hills my friend.

AS FAST AS YOUR LITTLE LEGS CAN CARRY YOU !!!

I was in a similar situation and as soon as the penny dropped I was out of there..