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Hi all,

 

So i have been single for almost 3 years now and am emotionally healthy, then I met this guy (let's call him Tom) on a dating app. We have been texting a lot since we matched and we exchanged stories, interests, and other personal stuff that perhaps normal friends won't talk about. He confessed to me very early on that he has broken up with his ex of 3.5 years 4-5 months ago and was pretty torn back when he decided to go on the app to get distractions. He also told me about his ex being too introverted for him and that they ended with a lot of disagreements and the break up was based on insecurities etc, but he's all good now and opening himself to meeting more people. He also asks me a lot about my stuff btw, friends, family, past relationships, interests, life updates, etc.

I know it's possible that he could be still trying to rebound so I didn't want to accelerate things. He told me that he had not and did not intend to meet any 'match' in person unless he really felt for the 'click'. He ended up asking me for a dinner after a month of texting. We had a very nice dinner and chatted for 5+ hours before he drove me home. I think we both enjoyed the night. I really liked him a lot. Although we never flirted at all even in our texts, I definitely felt that both of us connect each other in some ways, something more than friendship. He has been going on a lot of travelling in order to rebound, but he told me that the trips were booked in advance when he was still recovering and that now he didn't actually need them anymore. However he did tell me that he thinks he needed more time to refresh himself before going into another relationship as he wanted to be responsible for himself and whoever it will be. I agreed and told him that he should take as much time as he needs and will be there for him if he needs to talk or anything. He said he appreciates me for being openminded.

Anyways, we have been texting for 3-4 months now, we have only seen each other for 2 times and I felt that nothing is progressing and it's bothering me. We do text on a daily basis, only very implicit flirts here and there. He always says he wanted to meet up more, but he never set up a date (maybe because I told him I have been quite busy lately preparing something...?, idk). I tried to set back a little by not replying to some of his texts, he gets a bit more aggressive with texting whenever I ignored him for a day or two. (I wasn't trying to play games or anything, it's just I thought if I fade out and he fades out that would conclude something between us)

As I know if I be the one who initiate more and if things 'seem' to work out but actually only being the rebound relationship, I will eventually hurt myself instead of gaining someone's heart. So I gave him the initiative and wait for him when he's ready. The point is, I do have strong feelings for him that I'm withholding now, because of self-protection or because he explicitly told me that he's rebounding. Sometimes I feel upset cause I felt the whole thing is not gonna work out, sometimes when he texts me more I felt hope.

I do open myself to meeting new people, but he still stands out a lot more among other guys. I dont know what I should do now, to get away from him? or stay and see if things work out later?

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I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's either married or still in a relationship. All of these excuses sound so much like what a married guy would say through a dating app. And he's only been able to sneak out on his girlfriend twice in 4 months. Forget about him. In the future, if the guy can't meet you in a week or so, he's not serious. Someone serious would want to meet you as soon as possible. (I certainly would!) Run away!

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What a complete waste of time. At the very least he IS NOT over his ex, or more likely, he is in a relationship.

 

If you are not spending time with someone you have an interest in, then cut it off. Two dates in four months is ridiculous.

 

Lose this guy, and find someone who is available.

 

If someone is discussing an ex, they are not over them!!!!!!! Also, do not offer to be people's therapist.

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he sounds he just wants someone to talk to and distract himself... if you want to really a change in your ''relationship'' you do a change and say you are going on a date or dissapear... make him do something.....

 

He isn't interested. He is satisfied with a text buddy for ego strokes.

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Sounds like he likes the attention but doesn't need to do much to get it. It's hard to say that he's using you because he has been upfront with you, but I think four months IS kind of excessive to not have progressed beyond two dates. Honestly, I would write him off....if you're serious about meeting someone who wants a relationship, this probably isn't your guy.

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