dudelikewhoa Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Hey everyone! Came here to share my story and get some advice. Met my (now-exgirlfriend) on a visit back to my hometown, 5+ years ago. We instantly had a connection. So much so, that she moved from Michigan to LA to be with me...5 months later. She got herself settled and I had to get rid of some previous relationship baggage. Our first year or two was a rough start...but we stayed by each other. 3 years ago, we decided to move in with one another. We were massively in love to the point of talking marriage, kids and the long term She called me family. Her parents loved me, as did mine. Then, in December of 2016, her father passed away. He was a bad alcoholic and he suffered a head trauma from a bad fall. She was broken. Her father was her everything. I stayed by her side. Through the rollercoaster of her trauma. Now, she was always a social drinker. Myself as well, but less so. She was 24 when we met and I was 35. So, there in an age difference. I am now 40 and she is 29. As the months progressed, she spiraled. Drinking heavily. Staying out all night. Going crazy with her friends. It didn't help that she worked at a bar. It was starting to tax me. The stress was weighing hard, being that I am a driven person and keep normal work hours. Her behavior spawned a handful of ugly fights, resentment and pain. But I always kept it in the back of my mind, that she was not coping with her loss properly. It all came crashing down this past October. I got really busy with work. She had too much time on her hands. She started taking a liking to her new bar manager. He would, of course, drink with her...knowing that I started to loathe her drinking. Just before Halloween, she disappeared with him for 3 days and came back telling me she had an affair. She cried and pleaded that she made a mistake and begged me back. I told her she needed help. She went back home, to bury her father's ashes 2 days later and stayed there for 2 weeks. When she returned. We laid all of our cards out and we decided to move past the affair and try again. We didn't want to lose each other. The first couple weeks were great, but her patience in dealing with my healing over the infidelity started to wear thin quick. She started to stray. Her drinking amped up again and she retreated. She wanted me to be over the affair overnight and that was not possible. She disappeared again, for 4 days. It was hell. Last weekend, she asked to meet me at our home to talk. She wanted to separate. When I arrived, I found them together. They were drunk and told me they were in love and she was no longer in love with me. Who does that?!! Luckily, I'm a reasonable person and not the type to start a fight!! I stayed as calm as I could and walked out with my head up. I have since left the house, staying with friends. I plan to return when she is not home and swiftly move out. We have some unpaid bills together. I don't know what she is going to do, nor do I care right now. But she keeps texting me telling me "She loves me always and sorry it went down that way". I am currently keeping active no contact while I maneuver out of the house to avoid drama. I plan to go full No Contact in a couple days as soon as get out. After all of this awful behavior and emotional abuse, I still do love her. I know who she is deep down and this is not like her. The death of her father and the coupling of her heavy drinking...changed her. Turned her cold on me. Do you guys really think she is "in love" with this guy so quickly?! A week before this happened, she told me she wanted to spend her life with me. This has me in a state of shock. I wonder if she will regret this? Not sure if I would ever take her back unless she got help. Any positive advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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