Getting sick, boyfriend staying out, opinions?

[Holly6689]

I am just looking for opinions on what happened tonight please ☹️

 

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and am visiting him this weekend, tonight we went out to an awards ceremony where friends of his were up for awards, and I got sick ( I had been sick yesterday with food poisoning and but thought i was better, had eaten toast and had kept it down for a good while) my boyfriend then rang his mother to come and collect me and bring me back to his house, and he stayed out.

I guess I just feel alone, I travelled to see him and he stayed out, we won’t see each other again until New Years. I know the awards ceremony is a big thing but should be at least have gone in the car back to his house and then gone out again if he wanted?🙈

 

All opinions greatly appreciated before I reply to his ‘you ok?’ Message 🙈

[limichelle]

I can see things from both sides. You feel he abandoned you in your time of need. He feels like his friends would be mad if he left.

 

I think he figured since you originally weren't going because you were sick and then decided to come he didn't think he needed to be there with you.

 

I say you tell him how you feel in a calm, and rational manner. Just politely explain you were hurt and why you were hurt.

 

Remember he's not a mind reader.

 

 

Lisa

[JA0371]

I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt... Im sure he feels bad that you're sick..and it's not like he planned it.

I don't know how important the award ceremony is, but apparently he wants to be there and support them..which is an admirable trait. Wouldn't you want your friends there to support you if you deserved an award? How would you feel if they just bailed over a guy?? Always try to be empathetic....even when it hard to.

[wilyone 11]

I wouldn't feel good about this at all. A woman's primary emotional need in a relationship is to feel cherished. I assume this made you feel the opposite. I would feel like I wasn't a priority to this guy, and his friends were a bigger priority.

 

Now, if this awards dinner is like the biggest event of the year, and hugely important to his friends, and he's known these friends forever and your boyfriend is otherwise a great guy, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. But if he has a pattern of acting in ways that don't make you feel valued and honored, I would look elsewhere for someone who will treat you differently.

 

My ex-boyfriend would have probably done this too. My current boyfriend treats me like a precious jewel and it feels much better. I also treat him with the utmost respect so it's a two-way street.

[itsallgrand]

I hope you texted back you are ok. Unless you really are not ( need his help).

 

Whatever you are feeling, please do not text it to him while he's out and have him worrying. If you really wanted him to go home with you, the time to ask would have been earlier. If you now wish you had asked, you can discuss it later on with him.

 

But it's not argument or conflict worthy. You just need to know what you'd like and be willing to tell him, give him a chance to respond, and not get reactive because your unspoken expectations were not met.

[wilyone 11]

I hope you texted back you are ok. Unless you really are not ( need his help).

 

Whatever you are feeling, please do not text it to him while he's out and have him worrying. If you really wanted him to go home with you, the time to ask would have been earlier. If you now wish you had asked, you can discuss it later on with him.

 

But it's not argument or conflict worthy. You just need to know what you'd like and be willing to tell him, give him a chance to respond, and not get reactive because your unspoken expectations were not met.

 

This all sounds very constructive and efficient. Personally, I would not feel good about asking my boyfriend to come home with me if I was sick and wouldn't see him for another month. I would rather find a guy who wouldn't need to be asked. But that is just me and I know plenty of people who are comfortable asking directly for what they want and need. I'm not sure the OP is one of those types.

[rosephase]

If you didn't tell him what you wanted then he couldn't know. Some people want to be alone when they are sick. Maybe he felt pressured from both sides but you didn't ask? I don't know. I tend to assume that if you can't articulate what you need then you need to forgive the folks who blunder into hurting you.

[itsallgrand]

Interesting. I don't think of it as being a type, so much as hard earned experience and communication skills I've gained over the years. Stating what I need and want directly has paved the way for smoother communication and less conflict.

 

I am thinking the long distance aspect of this complicates and amplies this for her, as their time together is so limited and of course she wants to see him as much as possible. Perhaps the loss of time together saddens her as much if not more than that he did not follow her home.

 

I don't think he did anything basically uncaring or 'wrong' that would need a 'benefit of the doubt' though. Unless OP is already insecure within the relationship, in which case, she may perceive it that way.

 

If a man has your back, you know. Whether he's anticipating your every need or not - you know it.

 

I really think she probably is just really missing him. And that's ok if that's the case. Long distance is not the easiest !

[Hollyj]

I can understand your position, but there really isn't anything he can do for you. You need your rest.

[DanZee]

Is this mostly an online relationship and you've only seen this guy a few times? It sounds like it. I guess you found out how important you are in his life (not very). I would say to dump this guy and find someone near where you live. You can't really date over the Internet. It's a false relationship.

[jujusamples]

I dunno know, my take on this is very different. For me, honestly, if I went to visit my boyfriend (already knowing about the awards ceremony) and I got sick unexpectantly, I wouldn't expect him to stay with me. Nor would I get mad if he didn't. Just a simple text to check on me would suffice.

 

I think he did what he could and asked his mom to take you back to his place and with food poisoning, there really isn't much he could do for you. You just need to rest up. The awards is something that he has planned for a while so you can't expect him to ditch it. Let's say it's the other way around, you are about to get an award and his best friend from out of town came and got sick. How would you feel if he ditch you to go home to watch his friend rest up? I'm pretty sure if your food poisoning is serious enough and you called him to ask him to take you to the emergency, he would no doubt do it or even his mom would take you. Just saying.

[Capricorn3]

I don't think he did anything wrong at all, but then again, I'm weird that way. I second jujusamples' post above.

[MissCanuck]

I don't think he did anything wrong at all, but then again, I'm weird that way. I second jujusamples' post above.

 

I agree too.