Overprotective

[kym]

My boyfriend is also overprotective, if he sees me looking at a Man he will ask me “why you looking at him” or “y’all making eye contact” and one day he seen me looking at a man’s snapchat and got pissed like he don’t want me looking at anyone but it’s different for him . He gets to watch girls Snapchat’s and i know he glances at them . Every man glances at a woman but when i question him in it he doesn’t say anything or he’s like , “ I’m not about it watch a man’s snapchat!” So i don’t know what to do ! The overprotective part is really driving me crazy and it can make a person run away . Is this okay ??

 

I also want to say when he does glance at other women i don’t get mad at all because I’m not the jealous type and it bothers me that he is because i have no assertion what’s so ever.

[ThatwasThen]

How long have you been with this insecure guy who has double standards?

Why do you need to look at random guys social media? What thrill do you get out of that?

Are you actually giving eye contact that would be considered inappropriate or is he just being a dweeb?

[kym]

How long have you been with this insecure guy who has double standards?

 

I have been with him for One year

[ThatwasThen]

Well are you happy with him. Is this the type of guy you'd like to spend the rest of your life with? Frankly I'd not tolerate someone that was that insecure and with such blatant double standards but I'm not you. IS he the type you would want to spend the rest of your life with? If he's not, then break up with him now and find someone that isn't going to "drive you crazy."

[Hollyj]

He is insecure and controlling. This will get worse.

 

Why do you put up with this?

[kym]

How long have you been with this insecure guy who has double standards?

Why do you need to look at random guys social media? What thrill do you get out of that?

Are you actually giving eye contact that would be considered inappropriate or is he just being a dweeb?

 

No i just was on Facebook and i didn’t know i was looking at the slides until i actually looked up and he said those things and i don’t be worry about any other man except mine and i don’t understand why he have to be that insecure over a woman you know that’s yours. If i see someone looking at me or if i glance at someone i hurry and turn my head , but that’s it

[kym]

He is insecure and controlling. This will get worse.

 

Why do you put up with this?

 

Because i love this man and i really wanna be with him but that will leave me running and i know it

[kym]

Well are you happy with him. Is this the type of guy you'd like to spend the rest of your life with? Frankly I'd not tolerate someone that was that insecure and with such blatant double standards but I'm not you. IS he the type you would want to spend the rest of your life with? If he's not, then break up with him now and find someone that isn't going to "drive you crazy."

 

And yes I’m happy and i want to spend the rest of my life with this man and have a family with him also

[Hollyj]

Good luck with that.

 

If you are going to stay in this dysfunctional relationship - it is not over protection, but control - then you need to start establishing boundaries. You do not do what he says, but behave as you normally would. This dude is trying to control you, and wear you down to being obedient to him.

 

If this looks like a promising future for you, then I think you need to consider some counseling to understand why you are with someone like this.

[kym]

So how do i help my relationship and or can i ?

[Hollyj]

He has to acknowledge that he has an issue, and HE has to want to get help for it. If you push him into anything, it won't work. If does not see a problem, it will not change, and will get worse: emotional and physical abuse. This is his deal, not yours.

 

How long have you been with this guy?

[kym]

He has to acknowledge that he has an issue, and HE has to want to get help for it. If you push him into anything, it won't work. If does not see a problem, it will not change, and will get worse: emotional and physical abuse. This is his deal, not yours.

 

How long have you been with this guy?

 

For just a year

[Snny]

This man has the potential to become abusive. Do you really want to trap yourself in an abusive relationship? I was with a man who was like your boyfriend, and he sent me to the hospital with a concussion because I refused to bend to his well... so he tried to beat it in me.

 

And eventually that is what your boyfriend will do to you the longer you stay with him. Sooner or later you're going to get fed up and push back... and it will cause him to physically retaliate.

 

And you have a family with him... as a mother, do you think it's a good idea for your children to be exposed to a father who verbally abused and controls his wife?? What kind of an example are you setting here for THEIR future relationships by tolerating his behavior? You really need to think about this relationship and whether or not it's a healthy one for not just you, but your whole family. That is your responsibility.

 

You can't fix him. This is who he is. As Holly mentioned, he has to be the one to step up and seek help. But there is nothing you can do about it other than to take a stand against his insecurities, bullying and abuse.

 

And you need to start now.

[rosephase]

He’s not over protective. He’s a controlling jerk. Love isn’t enough. You need to be with someone who respects you. People who try and control you fundamentally don’t trust your judgment. Don’t stay with this guy.

[Hollyj]

Did you grow up in an abusive home?

[annie24]

I don't think he's "overprotective" - I think he's controlling!!!

[Capricorn3]

This guy isn't even remotely over protective. He's a controlling jerk. You need to really dig deep within and ask yourself WHY you stay with someone like that. Are you that desperate for a man? What is that makes you stay in a dysfunctional relationship?

[melancholy123]

Good luck with that.

 

If you are going to stay in this dysfunctional relationship - it is not over protection, but control - then you need to start establishing boundaries. You do not do what he says, but behave as you normally would. This dude is trying to control you, and wear you down to being obedient to him.

 

If this looks like a promising future for you, then I think you need to consider some counseling to understand why you are with someone like this.

 

Excellent advice for you. I'd tell him to hit the road.

[thorough]

My boyfriend is also overprotective, if he sees me looking at a Man he will ask me “why you looking at him” or “y’all making eye contact” and one day he seen me looking at a man’s snapchat and got pissed like he don’t want me looking at anyone but it’s different for him . He gets to watch girls Snapchat’s and i know he glances at them . Every man glances at a woman but when i question him in it he doesn’t say anything or he’s like , “ I’m not about it watch a man’s snapchat!” So i don’t know what to do ! The overprotective part is really driving me crazy and it can make a person run away . Is this okay ??

 

I also want to say when he does glance at other women i don’t get mad at all because I’m not the jealous type and it bothers me that he is because i have no assertion what’s so ever.

 

He is not "overprotective", he is controlling. That behavior, at least to me is unacceptable. I dated a guy like that for a very short period of time and felt suffocated. He will fully control you if you stay.

[kym]

Did you grow up in an abusive home?

 

Yes mam i did

[kym]

This man has the potential to become abusive. Do you really want to trap yourself in an abusive relationship? I was with a man who was like your boyfriend, and he sent me to the hospital with a concussion because I refused to bend to his well... so he tried to beat it in me.

 

And eventually that is what your boyfriend will do to you the longer you stay with him. Sooner or later you're going to get fed up and push back... and it will cause him to physically retaliate.

 

And you have a family with him... as a mother, do you think it's a good idea for your children to be exposed to a father who verbally abused and controls his wife?? What kind of an example are you setting here for THEIR future relationships by tolerating his behavior? You really need to think about this relationship and whether or not it's a healthy one for not just you, but your whole family. That is your responsibility.

 

You can't fix him. This is who he is. As Holly mentioned, he has to be the one to step up and seek help. But there is nothing you can do about it other than to take a stand against his insecurities, bullying and abuse.

 

And you need to start now.

 

I don’t have a family , umm you read it wrong . I said “i wanted a family with him”

[Snny]

I don’t have a family , umm you read it wrong . I said “i wanted a family with him”

Ok. But if you are planning to "spend the rest of your life" with him, then you need to think about the example you set for your future children then. You want to be in a healthy relationship, and this man will not provide you that with his destructive nature.

[annie24]

Yes mam i did

 

Ugh, I am really sorry. Unfortunately, your parents set a bad example for you. The behavior you are describing is not "overprotective." Overprotective is telling you to bring a sweater in case it gets cold but it is 75 F outside. He's being a controlling butt-head and sounds abusive. This doesn't sound healthy at all, I hope you can see that. Obviously you do to some degree because you came on here and wrote a post about it.

[Hollyj]

Please do not repeat your past.

 

Consider some therapy, and most importantly, get away from this guy.