Im beta or shes cheating

[okayu]

Alright guys, Im confused and I don't know who else to ask these kind of things..

Her past: had a bf, broke up with her, so she went on a sex rampage with like 10 guys until she met me for the same reason until..

 

Im with a girl for half a year. We started as friends with benefits and ended up in a relationship.

I have this gut feeling that something is wrong and I just want to understand if im just an insecure beta, but one thing is for sure, im in love.

Red flags that I've noticed: I've noticed that whenever i leave the room, she starts texting someone, when i enter the room, she always closes the phone.

When I reach for something that is near her phone, her eyes opens up like shes about to grab her phone out of fear(just a hunch, who knows)

She does let me see one chat with her friend which is a girl that I know. I never asked to see anything personal, just witnessing.

When shes alone at home, she goes to sleep really late, 2-3 AM. and she has to wake up like 6 hours later. With me, we never stay up so late.

She seemed distant for about a month, even weird.

She coudn't say the reason, but wanted to see each other less.

Little or no desire for sex for like at least 2 months(before it was crazy)(I know it changes over time, but that was weird in a way)(we still had alot of sex tho, we always do)

She talks to at least one guy that she had sex with(he lives in another country)

She has photos of her ex on FB and instagram(Don't care about them that much honestly, I guess it maybe just shows that it's not so easy to let go)(but they for sure arent doing anything)

She dosn't like to speak much about what she did during her day, and connecting emotionally is difficult(speaking about feelings)(When I ask, she either ignores this question or replys in few words)

 

I was in a hospital for 2 weeks in another country. She didnt want to call me everyday,(just 3 times)(not a srs problem)

The same day I came back, i went to see her, as she says she missed me and stuff. But really. Didn't look like it at all.

Next day we didn't meet and I texted her that she seems distant, and is everything alright.

She says that everything is okay and she dosn't understand what im talking about. I explain to her some of her actions and it's obvious to me that something is wrong.

Story short:

Her sex drive goes nuts, she wanted to try new positions and attitude in bed that she never asked me before

Said that she wants to meet me everyday

but this dosn't fix the feeling that I had before.(maybe fake)

All of this seemed a bit fake and I have a gut feeling that something isn't right.

 

Talking with her about this:

Right now I don't believe talking to her about this will solve anything, and maybe just lower her attraction due to my insecurities.

Im in love and my mind is deluded, I need yall to put my screws together.

 

Ask anything,

Thank you.

[Keyman]

Dude, just based on what you have written, your gut is screaming at you to get out of this situation. You are right that you are deluded into thinking that you are in love with her. This is because she is acting the way she is.

 

As time is going by, the relationship does not seem to be getting better, but seems to be gently spiralling out of control and I would suggest that it is just going to get worse as time passes.

 

From what you have said, I don't think she is terribly committed to the relationship and is just biding her time until...?

 

As much as it will seem difficult due to your feelings for her, I would suggest getting out of this relationship and moving on. I would do this sooner rather than later, because at some point she is going to easily step away from you by getting in bed with someone else and you are going to be devastated.

[EternalOptimis]

if I'm just an insecure beta

If it bothers you, it's got nothing to do with insecurity, more to do with your gut feeling

 

whenever i leave the room, she starts texting someone, when i enter the room, she always closes the phone.

When I reach for something that is near her phone, her eyes opens up like shes about to grab her phone out of fear

When shes alone at home, she goes to sleep really late, 2-3 AM. and she has to wake up like 6 hours later. With me, we never stay up so late.

She seemed distant for about a month, even weird.

She coudn't say the reason, but wanted to see each other less.

Little or no desire for sex for like at least 2 months

I was in a hospital for 2 weeks in another country. She didnt want to call me everyday,(just 3 times)

Along with her "sex rampage", these aren't just red flags. They are flashing neon signs 4 stories high!

We sometimes fall for the wrong people Emotions are important but they must not be allowed to override our judgement.

She is promiscuous, unfaithful and insincere. It's possible she's fond of you and would rather keep you around, but you are far from soulmates.

[SweetGirl28]

This girl is not only having sex with you.

You started as FWB and though you might be in a committed relationship, she most definitely isn't.

Let her go and find someone that values you.

[okayu]

My theory is that she is still in contact with someone that had sex with her. And my gut says that she did have something with another guy.

I just dont know..

I don't want to leave her for SURE, if im wrong with all of this

And obv I want to know if all of this makes sense that shes most likely doing something with another guy. It would help me tons with saving time and energy..

One moment I feel so close to this person, the next I have these thoughts in my mind for over 2 months now..

[SweetGirl28]

My theory is that she is still in contact with someone that had sex with her. And my gut says that she did have something with another guy.

I just dont know..

I don't want to leave her for SURE, if im wrong with all of this

And obv I want to know if all of this makes sense that shes most likely doing something with another guy. It would help me tons with saving time and energy..

One moment I feel so close to this person, the next I have these thoughts in my mind for over 2 months now..

 

Follow your gut.

 

You could go to the extreme and download an app and retrieve all her text msgs from her phone,

but it's expensive.

 

Sooner or later the truth will expose itself. It's a matter of whether you want to wait for that to happen.

You can tell when someone's lying, they deflect and won't hold eye contact, shift their eyes.

Pay attention.

[okayu]

Follow your gut.

 

You could go to the extreme and download an app and retrieve all her text msgs from her phone,

but it's expensive.

 

Sooner or later the truth will expose itself. It's a matter of whether you want to wait for that to happen.

You can tell when someone's lying, they deflect and won't hold eye contact, shift their eyes.

Pay attention.

 

I don't want to sneak into her privacy things..

There was a long time where she didnt hold eye contact until I asked her why, now she does it more regurarly

I dont know, maybe some people dont hold eye contact for some reason..

Im so confused..

[Snny]

im just an insecure beta

Ewe.

 

I honest-to-God hate this label. I'm a woman, but I despise it when anyone uses this to strike down a man's sense of masculinity.

 

Please do not let anyone call you a "Beta." A woman who calls you that is a feminazi. That's unacceptable. You aren't weak. Asking for help or somebody's perspective on something is a sign of strength.

 

Everyone here has provided the feedback you need for your situation. Just don't beat yourself up for some woman who does not deserve your love.

[Hollyj]

She has checked out.

 

Better to end this now.

[okayu]

She has checked out.

 

Better to end this now.

 

How can you tell?

I mean now she tryharded for a few days but my feeling is the same

and im confused as hell.

Some say stay, some say leave her, what the hell.. Im so confused..

[SweetGirl28]

How can you tell?

I mean now she tryharded for a few days but my feeling is the same

and im confused as hell.

Some say stay, some say leave her, what the hell.. Im so confused..

 

Because she's now fearful of you dumping her.

Which you really should do, you'll save yourself further heartache.

[Hollyj]

Everything that you wrote. Most especially, the hospital bit.

[luminousone]

Whether she cheated or not, (and I suspect she is, at the very least, in an emotional affair) your relationship is not working for you. For what ever reason. So it really is time to walk.

 

It sounds like you would like a longterm, intimate, monogomous and committed relationship, where you are each other's best friend and companion. Your relationship provides little, if any of that.

 

Walk away

[Honeycomb8]

She seems real dodgy and it's blatantly obvious she's cheating on you.

[okayu]

She said she wants to live with me.

Get a bigger apartment and she wants to quit her job because she hates it and wants to do what she likes(her hobbys that realistically wont pay)

So starting from the second month I would be paying for everything while she would do what she likes.

When I told her im still young(im 22 shes 28)(I got my own company tho) and I need to learn alot of shi, invest in alot of stuff. She replied with: We just have to wait for a better time to move in then.

I lost some feelings cause of that sentence

Your opinions?

[Honeycomb8]

Great, so she cheats, lies and now plans on fully using you for money. You have got to be kidding. Dump her and keep away.