Ex wife issues

[BetteNoir]

Hi

 

 

So I started seeing this guy about 6 months ago. We are very much in love and everything is going well apart from this one giant black cloud of doubt that keeps hovering over my head every now and then.

 

From the beginning my boyfriend told me that since him and his ex wife got divorced he had been having a hard time getting over her and had decided to take a break from dating to sort out his emotions. That was until he met me and fell in love again. They have been broken up for about a year and a half and it was not a good break up (he had been cheating) when we first started dating he used to talk about her ALOT. I mean everytime I mentioned a spoon or something he would say 'oh me and whatshername had one of those' etc. At first I gave him the benefit of the doubt as I was also freshly out of a relationship but mine was much more clean cut. Obviously none of these things make for a good start to a relationship so I was very cautious for a long time. Things have been going well but there are a few ex wife issues that I dont really know how to handle. 1. He insists he will always keep her last name and that they will always meet up on their wedding anniversary. 2 She found out about me and now HATES me and refuses to talk to him anymore (this was an issue for him as he wrote to her asking why she was being so distant) 3. I cant talk to him about it. When I do he acts like he has no idea why I would feel uncomfortable at all and that he believes he is 100% devoted to me and that I should know that.

 

Yes its messy but I seriously need to vent and be tld if I'm crazy for being a bit uncomfortable with this?!

 

Peace and Love

 

x

[SweetGirl28]

This may quite possibly be one of the weirdest things I've read here

 

Honestly, your BF appears to be very enamored with his ex.

He is holding on to the past. And by doing that, there is no future. Sorry

[melancholy123]

He isnt over her. Not even close. If you want to put up with that, it's your choice, but this doesnt bode well for the future. Keeping her last name? Nope he's not over her. Meeting up on their anniversary? Nope he's not over her. You aren't crazy, just in a "relationship" with a guy who is not ready to be in one with you. You'd do well to distance yourself from him.

[BetteNoir]

Could it be possible he loves me and is not over her at the same time? He does seem to really love me and hes made plans for us to go away next year with his family and things. Its very odd Some things are obviously ringing alot of alarm bels and then other things make me think maybe it could work

[SweetGirl28]

Could it be possible he loves me and is not over her at the same time? He does seem to really love me and hes made plans for us to go away next year with his family and things. Its very odd Some things are obviously ringing alot of alarm bels and then other things make me think maybe it could work

 

Honestly, no. He might enjoy you, and your company, and maybe you fit nicely together, but

if(and I do believe he is) in love with his ex, even the idea of her, then he can't fully commit himself to you.

[lostandhurt]

Wait what? He took her name when they got married? He insists they will meet on their wedding anniversary every year?

 

6 Months is nothing in time and I seriously doubt you truly love him. I believe you really want to be in love with him but there is no way you are in love because he hasn't given his heart to you. It still belongs to his ex wife and you know it.

 

Stop kidding yourself and accept the facts and blaring red flags that are waving all around this "relationship"

 

You are making excuses for him, being overly patient and allowing a third party to control your life.

 

It is time to end things with him and let him go back to being single so he can sort out his life and his feelings for his wife. It is the best thing for you as this is not going to get any better.

 

You need to find a guy that is available physically AND emotionally.

 

Lost

[SweetGirl28]

Wait what? He took her name when they got married? He insists they will meet on their wedding anniversary every year?

 

6 Months is nothing in time and I seriously doubt you truly love him. I believe you really want to be in love with him but there is no way you are in love because he hasn't given his heart to you. It still belongs to his ex wife and you know it.

 

Stop kidding yourself and accept the facts and blaring red flags that are waving all around this "relationship"

 

You are making excuses for him, being overly patient and allowing a third party to control your life.

 

It is time to end things with him and let him go back to being single so he can sort out his life and his feelings for his wife. It is the best thing for you as this is not going to get any better.

 

You need to find a guy that is available physically AND emotionally.

 

Lost

 

Wow, I really could have have used this wake up call when I got involved with my ex, who was just divorced.

Where were you??? Lol seriously, I wish I had known of this site earlier. I never would have gotten involved

 

He claimed their marriage was over for 5 years. All he did was bad mouth her. Now he bad mouths me

I learned if they are talking about them constantly, they are still hung up. Can't commit. Then blame you, ugh

[abitbroken]

I think its best that you cut all ties. The fact that he expects you to accept the idea that they meet up on their anniversary every year is truly strange.

 

He is not devoted to you if he cares about what his ex thinks about you, contacts her and asks why she is "distant" etc. He still very much has a relationship with her, even if its not a sexual or marital one. They have a very odd relationship.

 

I know women who have not changed back to their maiden name - but its mostly because of kids, or women who divorce at age 55+ and they created their professional life with their married name (fearing no one will know who they are in their profession if they change back), but they would change it in remarriage.

 

I know its appealing to feel 'special' when your boyfriend says "i thought i was done dating...and then i met YOU". But its all a bunch of manipulation.

 

"next year" for a trip is a long ways away. Don't let that sway you.

[JA0371]

This guy sounds loony......sorry

She sounds like a nut job too.....they were made for each other.

[abitbroken]

btw, this isn't ex wife issues, this is boyfirend issues

[DancingFool]

.....sorry but I think you are crazy to put up with this or even give this guy another minute of your time and life.

 

I mean LOOK at this character..... He is so in looove with his his wife, BUT he CHEATED ON HER!!!!! She kicked him out and divorced him, but they still aren't done with each other, he is still totally hung up on her, he freaks if she is being distant or cold with him, she freaks that he is dating....I mean you've put yourself between two totally dysfunctional people who are really far away from being truly done with each other and neither one of them is relationship material.

 

As for why he is with you....honestly, he is likely the kind of person who just can't be alone. You are really just a bed warmer while he carries on with his ex wife issues and he has the balls to tell you that this is normal and that you should just shut up and accept it. Even the whole he was going to be single until he met you....you are seriously buying that old line? Come on, the true benefit that you bring to the table is that you are so desperate for a relationship that you are willing to put up with this nutcase. Yeash........ Stop kidding yourself. It is as insane as it looks and you need to walk. You can do so much better than this looney bin.

[BetteNoir]

Thanks for all your advice people...its something I really needed to hear.and a response I had been expecting

[Mikey383]

This guy took her name as his last name?

Ahhh... That's weird...

Sounds like as if she is in charge of his life to the "TTTTTTTTTTTT"

 

Do you want a man? Or this guy, who seems to be a push over? And he hangs on to her as if his future depends on it....and on her....

 

When me and my EX GF got together, my EX wife was still bitter.... So my EX wife wrote my EX GF a 10 page letter via F book messenger..... Guess who looked like a total psycho... Yes...my EX wife... Not once did I do that to her... Not once did I contact her BF.... And although I am no longer with my EX GF... I learned so much from that experience... Luckily when I venture back out there, I will be healthy, cuz I took the time to mull this through and let go of all that drama for good....

 

But your guy is stuck.....