Does he like me?

[aukaet]

I went on a first date with this guy last week that I met from Tinder. We had been texting for about 2 weeks before we met in person. I send him long paragraphs and he sends them right back. We went out to a restaurant and he paid the bill for everything and left tip. We talked for such a long time there, even when we first sat down, the waitress had to remind us to open our menus because we had just forgotten to look! Then after the meal, we went back to his place and we had a drink. We ended up having sex, and then after we were just still talking and watching music videos on youtube together. He didn’t seem to be in a rush for me to leave at all. When I saw it was midnight, I said I had to go and he walked me outside of his apartment and waited with me for my Uber to get there. Then as it pulled up and I started to say goodnight and get into it, he pulled me back and kissed me! Then told me to text when I got home safely.

 

Then it was the weekend and I didn’t talk to him because I was busy working and going to Halloween parties, and he didn’t text me either but I saw that he watched basically every snap I put up on Snapchat (he added me here first before our date even!)

 

So I finally texted him yesterday about 2pm asking when I could see him again. And now it’s the next day and I haven’t heard from him yet. He’s told me on the date that he’s a bad texter and likes talking on the phone more.

 

So I was wondering if I should call him tonight if I still haven’t heard anything? He seems to be super interested in me and I felt like we really connected...

[ThatwasThen]

I think you should keep swiping. Were you only wanting a one night stand?

[IAmFCA]

he was living in the moment.

 

He is a bad texter because he is living in his moment and doesn't work too hard to fit other people into his life. He will call you or snapchat you or something... but you are well advised to keep on rollin. He is not relationship material right now and acting like its dating rules will signal that you think he is... i.e., that you misunderstand who he is right now.

 

Be cheerful about it, say hi etc whenever he pops up, but keep your eyes on your own path.

[aukaet]

I think you should keep swiping. Were you only wanting a one night stand?

 

No a relationship. And I had that in my Tinder profile for anyone to see so they would not waste their time. The last longterm relationship I had started with first date sex.

 

Oh I should also clarify, I didn’t send him any snaps, I meant he watched all My Story snaps!

[ThatwasThen]

No a relationship. And I had that in my Tinder profile for anyone to see so they would not waste their time. The last longterm relationship I had started with first date sex.

Well don't expect it to lead to a relationship every time you have sex with a total stranger. You do it the first time you're actually together and you will get yourself a booty call or a one night stand more times then not. If you want to be more then a booty call then BE MORE then a booty call.

 

Did you even know his last name? He will probably contact you when he thinks you're going crazy wondering what happened to him and it's more likely you'll just hook up with him without him having to buy dinner.

 

You know where he lives... he's lucky you're not a bunny boiler.

[AtitAgain]

I would call... Why not? What have you got to lose?

[ThatwasThen]

I would call... Why not? What have you got to lose?

 

Her personal power!

[aukaet]

Well don't expect it to lead to a relationship every time you have sex with a total stranger. You do it the first time you're actually together and you will get yourself a booty call or a one night stand more times then not. If you want to be more then a booty call then BE MORE then a booty call.

 

Did you even know his last name? He will probably contact you when he thinks you're going crazy wondering what happened to him and it's more likely you'll just hook up with him without him having to buy dinner.

 

You know where he lives... he's lucky you're not a bunny boiler.

 

I do know his last name! Also I felt there was a difference. I have also had situations where i’ve just hooked up on a date and there was no extended effort to ask any deep questions about myself, looking back on it. But with this it was nonstop conversation. Also if he has been late with my texts before, he always apologises.

[ThatwasThen]

I do know his last name! Also I felt there was a difference. I have also had situations where i’ve just hooked up on a date and there was no extended effort to ask any deep questions about myself, looking back on it. But with this it was nonstop conversation. Also if he has been late with my texts before, he always apologises.

Then why bother starting a thread? Just wait until he contacts you again.

[aukaet]

I do know his last name! Also I felt there was a difference. I have also had situations where i’ve just hooked up on a date and there was no extended effort to ask any deep questions about myself, looking back on it. But with this it was nonstop conversation. Also if he has been late with my texts before, he always apologises.

 

So I guess it’s also quite possible that I am overanxious for no reason? I tend to worry a lot even when things are fine, but it helps to put my worries out there to let them go.

[j.man]

Could very well have been a ONS. Back when I did online dating largely for that purpose, I'd often make an actual date of it and go home with someone who was fun and comfortable. Doesn't always have to be a bent-over-the-hood and done ordeal. You took the initiative to text. If he gets back to you, he gets back to you. If he doesn't, I'd chalk it up to what it was.

[pippy longstocking]

bent-over-the-hood

 

did you need something j

[thealchemist]

Tinder isn't the best for long term stuff. All my friends on Tinder just use it for hookups. Even if they do make it a seemingly real date otherwise.

[SherrySher]

I would take caution with this situation. Rushing sex usually leads to nothing good. Yes your last long term started out this way but it's not typical at all.

 

It does seem unusual that you are the one somewhat chasing him now and not the other way around, nor he is making many efforts to see you again.

 

He might have just had an itch that needed scratching and is now slow to be bothered with you.

 

If he doesn't seem interested and you're chasing,.. believe it, don't keep trying to paint it as something else.

[1a1a]

Sex positive lady here, who has also had many lovely relationships blossom out of early intimacy, stopping by to nth "this guy isn't that interested, anymore" and share your disappointment because this flip flopping people do is the absolute worst!!

 

And to remind you, you are awesome, you have far more important things to do than wait around for this fool *hair flip*. Also as a maybe useful guide, if you don't hear from someone within two days, write them Off as dating material.

[Honeycomb8]

Ehh things were going well, you really shouldn't have had sex with him instantly.

 

Guys bond through spending time with someone, talking and mentally connecting.

If you just fck on the first date, when you JUST met him, he knows nothing about you and has no formed basic attachment towards you. It just makes you look like you're up for anything. =S

[ThatwasThen]

Sex positive lady here, who has also had many lovely relationships blossom out of early intimacy,

How about one that lasts a lifetime? Either of you interested in that kind of relationship yet? Anything past a year or two or past the honeymoon stage? Asking without malice!

[AtitAgain]

How about one that lasts a lifetime? Either of you interested in that kind of relationship yet? Anything past a year or two or past the honeymoon stage? Asking without malice!

 

My gf and I had sex on the first date... well.... kind of -

 

long story short, my soldier was on a peacekeeping mission at the time and did not raise arms... (was taking some supplements for weightloss/weightlifting and was not aware that this was one of the side-effects, since I had not been having sex for a while after my breakup with the ex - BOYS - DO NOT TAKE EPHEDRINE IF YOU VALUE YOUR ERECTIONS! - took about 2 weeks for everything to come back to normal).

 

But we have been together for over 8 months now and are planning a future together (marriage/kids/etc). I know this is not usual, but I don't see why sex on the first date = zero chance for long-term relationship.

[ThatwasThen]

My gf and I had sex on the first date... well.... kind of -

 

long story short, my soldier was on a peacekeeping mission at the time and did not raise arms... (was taking some supplements for weightloss/weightlifting and was not aware that this was one of the side-effects, since I had not been having sex for a while after my breakup with the ex - BOYS - DO NOT TAKE EPHEDRINE IF YOU VALUE YOUR ERECTIONS! - took about 2 weeks for everything to come back to normal).

 

But we have been together for over 8 months now and are planning a future together (marriage/kids/etc). I know this is not usual, but I don't see why sex on the first date = zero chance for long-term relationship.

Didn't say "zero chance." Just a far less chance... especially in this day and age of going from a swipe to a screw.

 

8 Months is still in the honeymoon stage. I do wish you a long and happy life together.

[j.man]

The issue with having sex on the first date isn't that it changes anything. It's that it in fact doesn't change anything. There's no more or less chance you two are going to make it to Date #2, much less in a lasting relationship months down the road, simply because you bumped uglies. The advice to hold off from sex isn't to stop a guy from thinking you're a lady who's "up for anything" (to imply not worth taking seriously). It's to filter out guys who had no interest in a relationship before having sex and won't have an interest in one after. That's assuming you're not OK with that possibility, of course.

 

Guys aren't out there making a move as a litmus test for whether a woman is partner-worthy. If we're really into you and we happen to have amazing sex on the first night, believe me, it's a cherry on top more than anything else. If we're not into you but figure you're worth the lay, that likewise isn't going to be any different after. Again, the complication being there's hardly any way to know absent of the guy (or gal) stating upfront they're not looking for anything serious if they are genuinely interested in your prior to having sex on the first date. While it's definitely not a perfect filter, your chances of avoiding someone who is only after that one thing drop if you do wait.

 

I know that it's kinda semantics as I do more often than not agree with the advice to wait if you're not the type to appreciate a good lay between strangers for what it is, but it's to emphasize that, should this guy not follow-up with you, it's not because you somehow blew it with him in particular simply because you two especially enjoyed yourselves that night.

[AtitAgain]

The issue with having sex on the first date isn't that it changes anything. It's that it in fact doesn't change anything. There's no more or less chance you two are going to make it to Date #2, much less in a lasting relationship months down the road, simply because you bumped uglies. The advice to hold off from sex isn't to stop a guy from thinking you're a lady who's "up for anything" (to imply not worth taking seriously). It's to filter out guys who had no interest in a relationship before having sex and won't have an interest in one after. That's assuming you're not OK with that possibility, of course.

 

Guys aren't out there making a move as a litmus test for whether a woman is partner-worthy. If we're really into you and we happen to have amazing sex on the first night, believe me, it's a cherry on top more than anything else. If we're not into you but figure you're worth the lay, that likewise isn't going to be any different after. Again, the complication being there's hardly any way to know absent of the guy (or gal) stating upfront they're not looking for anything serious if they are genuinely interested in your prior to having sex on the first date. While it's definitely not a perfect filter, your chances of avoiding someone who is only after that one thing drop if you do wait.

 

I know that it's kinda semantics as I do more often than not agree with the advice to wait if you're not the type to appreciate a good lay between strangers for what it is, but it's to emphasize that, should this guy not follow-up with you, it's not because you somehow blew it with him in particular simply because you two especially enjoyed yourselves that night.

 

Perfect - this is exactly what I think as well. Doing it or not does not ruin long-term potential - neither does it make it more likely. However, doing it with a guy with hopes of getting him into a relationship - not the best idea as it usually does not work.

[SherrySher]

I agree with jman. If a person is looking for a relationship, you need to hold off and connect with someone, build a relationship and most importantly, make sure that they are not just wanting sex.

 

I will also add, you need to give someone something to reach for, if you hand sex right away..what's left? You can't exactly go back to hand holding and romance after that.

 

And romance and hand holding etc, IS what forms the bond and lasts such a short while in a relationship. But it is what's critical from a quick lay to someone falling in love.

 

It depends on what a person is looking for and hoping for.

 

If you don't mind quick casual sex with no strings, then so be it. But if you want him to care and eventually have it turn into love....wait it out, make the connections first, let

 

romance flow and give things time.

[AtitAgain]

I agree with jman. If a person is looking for a relationship, you need to hold off and connect with someone, build a relationship and most importantly, make sure that they are not just wanting sex.

 

I will also add, you need to give someone something to reach for, if you hand sex right away..what's left? You can't exactly go back to hand holding and romance after that.

 

And romance and hand holding etc, IS what forms the bond and lasts such a short while in a relationship. But it is what's critical from a quick lay to someone falling in love.

 

It depends on what a person is looking for and hoping for.

 

If you don't mind quick casual sex with no strings, then so be it. But if you want him to care and eventually have it turn into love....wait it out, make the connections first, let

 

romance flow and give things time.

 

I don't think that is what J.Man meant at all.... he said that "The issue with having sex on the first date isn't that it changes anything. It's that it in fact doesn't change anything. ". I disagree that to have a connection you need to hold back on sex, or that after having sex you lose the romance aspect of the relationship.... seen plenty of old 80yr couples that have been together for 50+ yrs walking around holding arms/hands. My gf and I walk around holding hands....

 

Not saying that sex is the best way to start a relationship.... having sex quickly, on first date or whatever, all it does is open doors to both people that are interested in a relationship and those that are not. It doesn't mean - Quick sex = door to relationship closed.

[aukaet]

I don't think that is what J.Man meant at all.... he said that "The issue with having sex on the first date isn't that it changes anything. It's that it in fact doesn't change anything. ". I disagree that to have a connection you need to hold back on sex, or that after having sex you lose the romance aspect of the relationship.... seen plenty of old 80yr couples that have been together for 50+ yrs walking around holding arms/hands. My gf and I walk around holding hands....

 

Not saying that sex is the best way to start a relationship.... having sex quickly, on first date or whatever, all it does is open doors to both people that are interested in a relationship and those that are not. It doesn't mean - Quick sex = door to relationship closed.

 

I just thought there was a good connection between us. I’d rather have someone be ty to me from the beginning so I won’t waste my time.

[1a1a]

Thatwasthen - three that lasted two years, one that lasted six (but probably should have ended at two, love was there but we weren't compatible).

 

Only in the last couple of years have I been experiencing the pointy end of the sexy times stick. Exactly as jman says, it changes noooothing and guts seem pretty happy to get physical even if they have no interest in you as a human being (or, not That kind of interest). It's not a lightning bolt between two people. It it definitely muddies the water for me. I'm easing off while I'm in this head space of 'I want to feel loved'