What's the point of relationships?

[firelily]

Let's assume there's no happy ever after, just people coming and going. What's the point of being in a relationship if breaking up is just as painful as being together was joyful? If the pain of falling out of love equals the joy of falling in it? And the terror of divorce equals the bliss of marriage?

 

Every time we're happy with someone we get more healthy, we get life energy to live longer, then as we part our ways we give those years back in exchange for grey hears and wrinkles. And the only time we won't say goodbye is our last relationship, provided we die first - bereaving our partner.

 

So what's the point of all this? Friendships make sense. Love doesn't. Do you think it is worth starting, if it ends in tears?

[Thainara]

I don't anymore. I'm 54 now and I had many relationships and hence very painful BUs. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger didn't work for me. Today I'm scared hell out of me of getting into another relationship... at the same time to be alone is not fun. I don't have many friends as I'm new in the city so I spend most of my time by myself.

 

I don't know this answer. I've always believed I would find someone one day with whom I would have a happy and stable relationship and grow old together... not sure anymore

[Seraphim]

For me there is only one answer to every relationship, love.

[firelily]

For me there is only one answer to every relationship, love.

 

The feeling of loving someone is my favourite feeling in the world, and the act of loving someone is so natural for me that I think I'm wasting some gift when I'm not loving anyone. But more than that I love myself. I want to create a happy life for myself. Maybe a happy life would mean a calm, peaceful life, on my own, without the inevitable drama of relationships? I always wanted to grow old with someone, but maybe it's healthier, more loving to ourselves to avoid that pain?

[Seraphim]

The feeling of loving someone is my favourite feeling in the world, and the act of loving someone is so natural for me that I think I'm wasting some gift when I'm not loving anyone. But more than that I love myself. I want to create a happy life for myself. Maybe a happy life would mean a calm, peaceful life, on my own, without the inevitable drama of relationships? I always wanted to grow old with someone, but maybe it's healthier, more loving to ourselves to avoid that pain?

It would depend on the person I guess.

[SadSadgirl]

Take breakups as a lesson, not as a loss, you will come to find out that relationships are very important

[rosephase]

Attachment inevitably causes pain. But you live life anyway. I try to make sure my attachment are worth the pain. loving people deeply is the best possible use I can find for the inevitable pain of life.

[moorefield00]

I think if you find a friend and can love each other like lovers the way it's should be .

[Someday_Soon]

Friendships can be quite painful too. Love and romantic relationships do not have a monopoly on pain. On the other hand, if you choose to isolate yourself and avoid all social constructs, the loneliness can be quite painful too. To answer your question, "what is the point of relationships?" the answer is and has always been to find meaning in life.

[glitterfingers]

Historically relationships were about property and raising families, and sexual rights to another person. Since these are less important these days, the meaning and purpose of a relationship is changing and likely fewer people will find them as vital as they once did

 

Love is nice, but you can experience and act with love without having to be intimately involved with a person IMO.

 

For me the most important parts of relationships are self growth and experiencing life through other people's perspectives. There's some quote floating around about a relationship being the closest we come to seeing ourselves through the eyes of others. Relationships can bring out the best and worst of us and thus be valuable platforms through which we come to know ourselves better. That plus the opportunity to see the world through a slightly different yet relatable lens, can take you down some interesting paths in life.

 

Most people find a lot of meaning and direction in relationships, even when happiness and pain even out.

[caro33]

Yes I agree that relationships may have an end but the highs and lows are what makes life worthwhile. You might even get 30-50 years out of a relationship, that's maybe half your life in a living partnership.

 

Watch this - life lessons from 100 year olds:

[Seraphim]

Yes I agree that relationships may have an end but the highs and lows are what makes life worthwhile. You might even get 30-50 years out of a relationship, that's maybe half your life in a living partnership.

 

Watch this - life lessons from 100 year olds: ]

Yes, I have been in the same life relationship for 28 years and we have definitely had highs and lows but a relationship well worthwhile.

[Coolstorybro]

It gives people something to do before they met their inevitable end.

[pippy longstocking]

I don't anymore. I'm 54 now and I had many relationships and hence very painful BUs. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger didn't work for me. Today I'm scared hell out of me of getting into another relationship... at the same time to be alone is not fun. I don't have many friends as I'm new in the city so I spend most of my time by myself.

 

I don't know this answer. I've always believed I would find someone one day with whom I would have a happy and stable relationship and grow old together... not sure anymore

 

sounds like my life ..almost 51 ...I have no interest ...live a very solitary life ...had too much done to me to recover ....

[dias]

Because as humans, emotions are part of our "nature". It's beyond our control. Theoretically, if we didn't have emotions we would never experience pain, loneliness, anger etc but we wouldn't experience joy, love, pleasure, infatuation etc as well. It's kind of a trade-off.

[Batya33]

To me it is worth it and I respect that others might not feel that way. I'm highly educated, like to think I'm reasonably intelligent emotionally too and fully recognized at age 42 that getting married required taking the plunge-a leap of faith. And it was more than worth it to me. Might divorce happen? Technically anything is possible and yes I have dealbreakers in general. I fully expect my husband never to do any of those deal breakers -from what I know and have known of him in the 2 decades I've known him I don't think he would do any of those things, and I trust him and I trust myself. Divorce would be incredibly awful. What would have been even more awful -beyond words- would have been if I hadn't taken the plunge and we hadn't gotten married and created our child together and had missed out on those experiences with each other. No comparison to the awfulness of divorce (and fully admitting I've never been through a divorce- just vicarious knowledge!!).

[red chilli]

l dunno ,don't have a bad record really , even though l went through a divorce.

l guess l still believe and l thought l'd found her again now but ,,,,, not so sure.

 

but if not this one , then l don't think l'm too confident from here.l do love being with someone and this is the first time l've ever lived alone really any length of time.

l don't like it much at all , but where to, do not know.

[Batya33]

The feeling of loving someone is my favourite feeling in the world, and the act of loving someone is so natural for me that I think I'm wasting some gift when I'm not loving anyone. But more than that I love myself. I want to create a happy life for myself. Maybe a happy life would mean a calm, peaceful life, on my own, without the inevitable drama of relationships? I always wanted to grow old with someone, but maybe it's healthier, more loving to ourselves to avoid that pain?

It comes down to risk benefit. For example let's say you plan a very expensive and time consuming trip to a place you've always wanted to visit. And let's say you can't get trip insurance for some reason. You know you're prone to illness or maybe an elderly parent is so that at the last minute you might have to cancel and lose thousands of dollars with little chance to ever go again. Are you going to book the trip or tell yourself that worrying about the what ifs will keep you up at night and you'll be devastated if you have to cancel.

Why is this different other than in scope? Lots of stuff that's worth it has drama. My career did, the aftermath of my pregnancy, and planning a trip overseas mostly for my husband who wanted to go, while my father was dying - drama too but I had to think of my husband and young son who deserved the opportunity to take a trip at a time we could do it for far less money. Looking back if I'd chosen the what ifs I'd feel badly about myself. Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone and more than sometimes.

Having said that it's still a personal choice because obviously the choice might be that being on your own is what is best for you overall. But be careful about being too general as far as "what about the drama" you deserve to do the balancing and carefully and thoughtfully so that you are at peace with your choice.

 

And. Ring on your own has plenty of drama too or the potential for it. You still have a job and friends and family. I'm sure you're not talking about being a hermit. And being on your own doesn't need to mean alone or lonely.

[firelily]

It comes down to risk benefit. For example let's say you plan a very expensive and time consuming trip to a place you've always wanted to visit. And let's say you can't get trip insurance for some reason. You know you're prone to illness or maybe an elderly parent is so that at the last minute you might have to cancel and lose thousands of dollars with little chance to ever go again. Are you going to book the trip or tell yourself that worrying about the what ifs will keep you up at night and you'll be devastated if you have to cancel.

Why is this different other than in scope? Lots of stuff that's worth it has drama. My career did, the aftermath of my pregnancy, and planning a trip overseas mostly for my husband who wanted to go, while my father was dying - drama too but I had to think of my husband and young son who deserved the opportunity to take a trip at a time we could do it for far less money. Looking back if I'd chosen the what ifs I'd feel badly about myself. Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone and more than sometimes.

Having said that it's still a personal choice because obviously the choice might be that being on your own is what is best for you overall. But be careful about being too general as far as "what about the drama" you deserve to do the balancing and carefully and thoughtfully so that you are at peace with your choice.

 

And. Ring on your own has plenty of drama too or the potential for it. You still have a job and friends and family. I'm sure you're not talking about being a hermit. And being on your own doesn't need to mean alone or lonely.

 

The point is, this is like planning a trip KNOWING you will break a leg on the last day of it. Every time, because it's how every vacation ends. You can buy insurance, but every summer you have to decide if you want to stay at home or if you want to go sightseeing, see new amazing places, have some holiday experiences and then feel the pain of breaking a leg, and go through recovery, believing there will be no complications and you will recover from it like you always did. With that in mind, would somebody go to vacation every year for 20 years? Or stay at home and watch these places on Discovery Channel instead?

 

I'm 29 and I feel like I have many, many breakups before me, and I don't know if I'm interested in all that pain. Maybe if I'm old and grey some peaceful relationship will materialize.

[Seraphim]

I hate to say this but you are never going to live without heartache. Even within peaceful relationships there is heart break and discontinuity sometimes . That is just dealing with people . I have been with my husband for 28 years married for 23 of them . While we have a pretty good relationship it has not been without it issues . We both struggle with mental health issues which has impacted our relationship in a massive way . We have a child with a disability and even though he’s an adult he may be with us forever . We lost four other children to miscarriage . We are a military family so hellos and goodbyes can be often . We both have ageing ill parents . I have a chronic incurable illness ( several of them ) which cause severe pain . But we do all this together as a team . I would never want to imagine going through life alone just to avoid pain because pain is always there. Living as a human being there’s no way to avoid it .

[Fudgie]

Companionship, first and foremost, that's the most important to me. The companionship I get in a relatively is completely different and fulfilling, nothing at all like what I get from friends. Condomless sex and reinforced financial security also are reasons for me.

 

That's about it, really.

[firelily]

Companionship, first and foremost, that's the most important to me. The companionship I get in a relatively is completely different and fulfilling, nothing at all like what I get from friends. Condomless sex and reinforced financial security also are reasons for me.

 

That's about it, really.

 

I know relationships have meaning. I'm asking if it's worth the price to pay that always follows.

[Fudgie]

I know relationships have meaning. I'm asking if it's worth the price to pay that always follows.

 

That's a question only you can decide for yourself. It depends on you conduct your relationships, what you expect, how you are alone, etc.

 

I don't think relationships are necessarily worth it for everyone.

[Seraphim]

I know relationships have meaning. I'm asking if it's worth the price to pay that always follows.

 

What “ALWAYS “ follows? We don’t carry around a crystal ball and see into the future . But If you think that’s what you think will happen every time then that’s what will happen every time. And if you think that’s what will happen then you don’t work on the relationship in earnest. Then it becomes one big self fulfilling prophecy .

[firelily]

What “ALWAYS “ follows? We don’t carry around a crystal ball and see into the future . But If you think that’s what you think will happen every time then that’s what will happen every time. And if you think that’s what will happen then you don’t work on the relationship in earnest. Then it becomes one big self fulfilling prophecy .

 

I can enter every relationship with the mindset that this person will turn out to be "the one" for me. It doesn't change a thing. Probably, it would hurt less if I acknowledged that there's an overwhelming chance I will lose that person from my life at some point.