Started seeing a woman 8 years older than me (I'm 28 she's 36)

[mike888]

I met her through my best friend and the woman that he is seeing. To make a long story short, I really liked her personality and I thought she was very cute so I decided to give it a chance but I'm realizing I might be in over my head. Truth be told, I really want somebody my age or 3 to 5 years younger and I feel like I'm settling by being with her. I also don't want to date someone with kids and she has 2. I thought I would be willing to overlook these things but I really am not. I know I won't be happy being with her permanently (although I'm having a blast now).

 

So what the hell do I do now?? I've gone out with her 6 times in 3 weeks and I'm worried she is starting to get attached to me. She wants to see me all the time. Breaking up with her would be very hard because she is best friend of woman my best friend is seeing. I don't mind a casual relationship but I don't want to marry her and I'm afraid she will only get more and more attached as time goes on.

 

I'll be honest here. A big part of why I started seeing her is my loneliness. I want to meet someone very badly but I don't want to sacrifice my standards. I'm a good looking, very fit, college educated 28 year old male making six figures but I've bad absolutely horrible success with meeting women. The ones who have shown interest in me have been too old, too young, have kids, or are overweight, etc... I can't seem to get someone interested in me who is like the female version of me. It's incredibly frustrating

[MissCanuck]

You need to be kind but firm with her that it isn't going to work. Don't keep seeing her just to ease your loneliness.

[Starlight925]

You've written here before, no? Under a different username? You're in luxury cars?

[mike888]

You've written here before, no? Under a different username? You're in luxury cars?

 

first time posting here

[Knight2001]

hi,

you sound like a great catch. dont know why you cant get fixed up. why not dump her and use your good looks, level of fitness, money and college education to find someone more suitable?

give this single parent the chance to find someone who will accept her and her kids.

just out of interest have you ever watched Shallow Hal?

[ASmash]

Sounds like if you keep seeing her, you'll be leading her on and that's kind of deceptive unless she's okay with some casual. I think I would just be direct and tell her you only see a casual relationship and nothing serious.

[pippy longstocking]

I'll be honest here. A big part of why I started seeing her is my loneliness. I want to meet someone very badly but I don't want to sacrifice my standards. I'm a good looking, very fit, college educated 28 year old male making six figures but I've bad absolutely horrible success with meeting women. The ones who have shown interest in me have been too old, too young, have kids, or are overweight, etc... I can't seem to get someone interested in me who is like the female version of me. It's incredibly frustrating

 

Mate this makes you sound proper sh1t , but I give you this , you are honest and know what you want ..

 

You have to end it , no matter who is going out with who ... at some point she knows the kids needs to be introduced if you feel she is this serious , then I assure you as a single mum , she will be starting to think about things like that soon ....it is in us to plan and prepare and try and do these things without causing hurt or stress to our kids .

 

If you don't want to be with someone with kids then I assure it will go downhill from here ...because although you will never be called to step up as father , long term you will have to step up as care giver , mediator , play mate , cook and everything that goes with being a family , which is what you are joining if you let this carry on . Just end it now .

[Moiselle]

I can't seem to get someone interested in me who is like the female version of me. It's incredibly frustrating

 

 

Ideal woman or ideal man do not exist. It is a matter of acceptance if you really love the person. And if you don't, then let go. Let that person be happy with someone who will accept and love her for what and who she is.

[mike888]

hi,

you sound like a great catch. dont know why you cant get fixed up. why not dump her and use your good looks, level of fitness, money and college education to find someone more suitable?

give this single parent the chance to find someone who will accept her and her kids.

just out of interest have you ever watched Shallow Hal?

 

because it's not easy to find someone more suitable

 

meeting attractive, very fit, college educated, intelligent mid 20s women with no kids is hard to find. Why do you think the woman I'm talking about is so gaga over me?? The difference is women who are like the female version of me have much much much higher standards than I do and are often looking for something impossibly perfect. I just want a decent looking woman my age with a compatible lifestyle. Many women who are like myself are wanting the male model type who is earning 300K a year...in the very unlikely scenario they're even single.

 

it doesn't help that I live in the suburbs. It's single moms galore here. The classy single professionals are mostly in city

[mike888]

Mate this makes you sound proper sh1t , but I give you this , you are honest and know what you want ..

 

I know it does

 

but you can't move forward without first being honest with ones self. Some of it is ego too. I feel like I deserve a beautiful 25 year old. I can't help it

[itsallgrand]

So you know it's wrong to keep seeing and what to do about that.

 

As for the rest, maybe sit down and take a hard look at which of your wants are most important to you. Age? Not having kids? Beauty? Education? Physical fitness? Income? Character? How you get along?

Decide which are dealbreakers and which are 'nice to have'.

 

You might want to move if it's important enough to you too.

[pippy longstocking]

I know it does

 

but you can't move forward without first being honest with ones self. Some of it is ego too. I feel like I deserve a beautiful 25 year old. I can't help it

 

ok , but what about the rest of what I said ...about the children and letting her go NOW ...

[Batya33]

I know it does

 

but you can't move forward without first being honest with ones self. Some of it is ego too. I feel like I deserve a beautiful 25 year old. I can't help it

 

You can help it and you can help wasting the time of a woman with a busy life with kids (and likely at least a part time job on top of her full time job raising her children). Of course you can help how you react to your feelings. Don't subject her to your poor choices. Of course if she is totally fine with a "right for now/no future" dating relationship -that's fine -but be open with her about that, today.

[mike888]

So you know it's wrong to keep seeing and what to do about that.

 

As for the rest, maybe sit down and take a hard look at which of your wants are most important to you. Age? Not having kids? Beauty? Education? Physical fitness? Income? Character? How you get along?

Decide which are dealbreakers and which are 'nice to have'.

 

You might want to move if it's important enough to you too.

 

I want it all and I don't understand why it's so difficult for me to find someone like that who wants to be with me.

 

I look like a pro football linebacker with better grooming and fashion sense

I've been making six figures since I was 24

I'm genuinely a good person - I'm honest, affectionate, extremely loyal, caring, unselfish. My only character flaw is I do have a bit of an ego but I treat people very well

[mike888]

ok , but what about the rest of what I said ...about the children and letting her go NOW ...

I'm gonna break it off soon

[James516]

Having toned beach muscles doesn't give you strength of character. You clearly are not interested in this woman who has adult priorities/responsibilities of raising two children. Even as a 28 year-old, you sound much closer to being stuck at the high school level. That's not a criticism. You both simply are in two different places in life. You need to let her know that fact and let her find someone who is ready, even if you have the insecurity of potential loneliness. Letting her know and moving on shows real strength.

[Batya33]

I want it all and I don't understand why it's so difficult for me to find someone like that who wants to be with me.

 

I look like a pro football linebacker with better grooming and fashion sense

I've been making six figures since I was 24

I'm genuinely a good person - I'm honest, affectionate, extremely loyal, caring, unselfish. My only character flaw is I do have a bit of an ego but I treat people very well

 

But if all that is true why would you choose to waste the time off a person who has so much on her plate?

[mike888]

But if all that is true why would you choose to waste the time off a person who has so much on her plate?

 

I really liked her as a person so I thought I would give it a try but I'm realizing I made a mistake

 

my intense craving for companionship made me more susceptible to making such a mistake

[mike888]

Having toned beach muscles doesn't give you strength of character. You clearly are not interested in this woman who has adult priorities/responsibilities of raising two children. Even as a 28 year-old, you sound much closer to being stuck at the high school level. That's not a criticism. You both simply are in two different places in life. You need to let her know that fact and let her find someone who is ready, even if you have the insecurity of potential loneliness. Letting her know and moving on shows real strength.

 

I don't think I am stuck at a high school level. I'm totally ready to settle down and have a real relationship if I meet a cute 25 year old who has her life in order as I do. Hell I'm ok with getting married soon

 

 

but yes I made a mistake and that's on me

[Liraele]

You be honest with her and cut her loose. Those are pretty big things that you don't want to deal with that she can't do anything about.

[Theniceone]

You've written here before, no? Under a different username? You're in luxury cars?

 

"I'm a good looking, very fit, college educated 28 year old male making six figures but I've bad absolutely horrible success with meeting women. The ones who have shown interest in me have been too old, too young, have kids, or are overweight, etc... I can't seem to get someone interested in me who is like the female version of me. It's incredibly frustrating"

 

That part here sounds very familiar.... hummmm.....

[Starlight925]

Yeah, this is the same poster who had a very lengthy thread about how he was "too good" for online dating. He finally got locked.

 

This is a new user name.

[mike888]

Yeah, this is the same poster who had a very lengthy thread about how he was "too good" for online dating. He finally got locked.

 

This is a new user name.

 

 

too good for online dating??

 

I would love to do online dating but the women on there that I want - cute, fit, professional, mid 20s, no kids - want a male model.

[zippitt]

"I'm a good looking, very fit, college educated 28 year old male making six figures but I've bad absolutely horrible success with meeting women. The ones who have shown interest in me have been too old, too young, have kids, or are overweight, etc... I can't seem to get someone interested in me who is like the female version of me. It's incredibly frustrating"

 

That part here sounds very familiar.... hummmm.....

Yeah, it sounds just like him, the writing style is exactly the same, same sense of ego.

[pippy longstocking]

I didn't see the other thread , but I don't believe the op is the real deal because he keeps going on and on about the perfection he seeks ...he knows it is controversial to start fat shaming , old shaming , single mum shaming , anything he can ..shaming .... looking for a bit of entertainment from us I reckon !