How to tell when perceived flirting is real, or all in your head?

[Unreasonable]

There is someone who I believe is flirting with me. I'm married so obviously I cannot act on it. I am attracted to the person and it could be wishful thinking, but I don't think so. It's a situation where I can't just avoid the person, so avoidance technique advice is not needed. I don't want to confront her on it and make a fool out of myself, because she can plausibly deny it and cause all sorts of problems. Do I just kind of pretend it isn't happening and laugh it off? I mean, if I don't reciprocate nothing will happen.

[DancingFool]

Some people are natural flirts. In other words even though they are flirting, it's actually completely meaningless. Sometimes, being witty and friendly can be misinterpreted for flirting. You are correct not to confront, because you are very likely to make a complete fool out of yourself.

 

Since this is a potentially touchy situation where you feel attracted to this person, your best bet is just not responding and not reciprocating. Avoidance can be subtle in the sense that you are avoiding any flirtation or over friendliness from this person and especially avoid drifting into any personal conversations or sharing or interests because that quickly leads to intimacy of the kind you'll regret.

[quark]

Not to sound like a ripe old b*tch, but you said yourself that you are married and can't act on it..so what's it matter?

 

In any case, if you perceive that there is some fliration going on, there might be. But she may just be a flirtatious person. Does she act that way with several people? She might just get a rise out of the meaningless back & forth banter but not actually be looking to you for a relationship or anything.

[catfeeder]

I'm married so obviously I cannot act on it. ... I mean, if I don't reciprocate nothing will happen.

 

You contradict yourself here. What is it that you want to make 'happen'?

[Unreasonable]

Not to sound like a ripe old b*tch, but you said yourself that you are married and can't act on it..so what's it matter?

It matters because if I can perceive it, then other people can potentially perceive it too. And I don't want that to happen. I want to shut it down. But this person leave juuuuuust enough room that if I directly address it I could make a fool out of myself.

[Batya33]

It doesn't matter who perceives what - it takes two -so if to you it appears like flirting do not encourage it in your response. And don't ask or confront -that could be really awkward and unnecessarily so.

[Unreasonable]

Alright, thanks all.

[reinventmyself]

There is someone who I believe is flirting with me. I'm married so obviously I cannot act on it. I am attracted to the person and it could be wishful thinking,

 

My guess is she has picked up the fact the attraction is reciprocated.

Start with squashing it. .the rest will come.

[catfeeder]

It matters because if I can perceive it, then other people can potentially perceive it too. And I don't want that to happen. I want to shut it down. But this person leave juuuuuust enough room that if I directly address it I could make a fool out of myself.

 

Shutting down flirting doesn't require direct address, just the simple act of failing to recognize, encourage or engage it yourself. Just remain kind while behaving as though you're being observed by the person who will make the next decision about your judgement and your professionalism, and stick to business.

 

The rest will resolve itself. Read my sig.