Why are guys incapable of just being friends?

[RandomVlogger]

I'm not suggesting it's an excuse by any means, but often I find things I can relate to when looking at star signs.

 

I've often said to myself that I don't want marriage in my life or children for that matter, I want to focus on living my life without having to care for others. I used to be quite dependent on having a woman's love and affection as between 2006-2015 I had always been in a relationship or with someone. When I finally became single, I felt very independent and in control of my own life without a care in the world, free to dictate my own life and meet whoever I wanted to. I guess if you have a different mindset to me where perhaps you do want those things in life and let's face it, most people do then perhaps you're so consumed in your own little world of creating a family that other women just don't affect you, especially during pregnancy.

 

Despite being independent, I feel like as a person I can fall for people quite easily especially if we develop a connection or spend more time together. I'm really not sure why this is which is what's led to post here.

[Sportster2005]

Firstly, yes I'm a guy and it's only a generalization.

 

I find sometimes it's impossible or very unlikely that a guy won't develop feelings for a girl if they continue to spend time together. Of course, given there has to be attraction or potential attraction and I know this doesn't just apply to guys. I've recently met a new colleague at work, I'm already in a relationship but I spend sometimes 3-4 hours a day with this colleague (for work purpose reasons) but in that time, we get along, joke and talk about our lives etc. Sometimes I question whether it gets a bit flirtatious at times but to begin with, I didn't think anything of it but the more we spend time together, the more I find myself reconsidering and thinking about if's and but's. Now I know this is only natural, but why is it that unless they're either not attractive to me or completely not my type that I begin to develop these feelings?

 

This happened to me a few years back, I started spending time with someone and eventually ended up falling for them, and leaving my girlfriend in the process. I don't want to ruin A, a relationship and B, a working relationship I have with a colleague but I'm intrigued to know if anyone has any input or suggestions.

 

Thanks in advance!

 

You're question isn't a generalisation, it's downright false.

 

Sounds like you're trying to rationalise leaving another girlfriend for someone else, all under the guise of loss of control. It's not women's fault you can't maintain a friendship and feel the need to hop from woman to woman.

 

I could be wrong. But I'm not wrong about men and women being able to be friends.

[Juha]

I am friends with many women and have no desire to date or sleep with them...

 

Then there are a couple that I simply adore and would love to date.. lol

 

Has to do with the man and how they are. Some men do not see any value in being friends with am woman and want to sleep with all of them.

[katrina1980]

^^This

 

This is exactly the point I was trying to make to Seraphim. To say a person only has eyes for one person for me is utter rubbish and as you say, only our morals stopping us from acting on it.

 

I agree with this. Its quite "normal" and common to become attracted to others even when in love with and committed to your SO/spouse.

 

To believe otherwise is extremely naive in my opinion. It's simple human nature.

 

It's what we do with that attraction that makes all the difference. If you're in love and committed, you don't act upon it, you distance yourself.

 

My first boss in legal was very happily married for many years while I worked for him. We were friends, he never expressed any interest other than as his assistant and friend.

 

I left the firm and a year later he got divorced and started pursuing me heavily! Told me he was always attracted to me but obviously couldn't act on it while married, and of course while he was my boss.

 

I never knew it, never even sensed it, and I am pretty adept at sensing these things. But he kept a good lid on it.

 

After that experience, I had another boss whom I knew had a "thing" for me. He was also very happily married with two great kids. Very much in love with his wife, which was obvious whenever they were together.

 

Our dynamic was interesting, he would sort of flirt, pay me special attention for awhile, after which he would pull back, be a bit cold for the next few days. Rinse repeat.

 

I learned a lot about legal from him and worked very very hard for him, over and above actually, because I was attracted to him too, even though I was also in a committed long term relationship.

[Jibralta]

I think it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you're both attracted to them, and have a close working relationship with them because the amicable relationship and the proximity each reinforce the attraction. Loneliness makes you even more vulnerable to developing feelings in this situation.

 

If you're in a relationship, it's important to be aware of this and guard against it, much as thealchemist describes.

[journeynow]

I think it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you're both attracted to them, and have a close working relationship with them because the amicable relationship and the proximity each reinforce the attraction. Loneliness makes you even more vulnerable to developing feelings in this situation.

 

If you're in a relationship, it's important to be aware of this and guard against it, much as thealchemist describes.

 

Yes, it's not just limited to men. Feelings and attraction are only part of the equation, though. You don't have to act on them with everyone you feel these for. Life is full of opportunities, but we humans can have boundaries and make choices and keep things in perspective. Sometimes it is not appropriate to act on feelings and attraction, and it's not hard to recognize this.