Smanx4 Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 I'm talking to this girl that I'm really into and we're going out tomorrow. The girl has a really good friend that I am also really good friends with. I understand she's like best friends with the girl I am into, so I really didn't give her any information that she would go and tell her friend ha. That being said, I did ask her on advice over where I should take the girl I'm into. I already had the date planned until the girl I'm into told me that now she wants to stay within the city as she has work in the morning. Anyways, so then the friend that I'm seeking out advice from tells me to not kiss her on the first date. She proceeds to say, "Dont kiss her on the first date. Be different. Don't be like Greg or Dalton" (referring to her exes) My friend is friends with both of us, and I know she wants what is best for me so I believe her when she says not to on the first date. I honestly don't think I'm going to try and kiss her on the second day either. ____________________ I'm reaching out to the enotalone community to see what you think about not kissing on the first date. I do care about her a lot, so I think it would be best to refrain from a kiss. Ladies what are your opinions on this matter? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 Here's some advice, don't keep letting this girl be the middle person she is getting way too involved in this and it will come back to bite you in the butt. This is between you and your date and not this girls business. Nice that she is trying to be helpful but this is not a threesome. You do what you want on the date and what feels right between you and this girl. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 Go in for the kiss if it feels right. But be sure it does. Don't do it just to do it. Link to comment
Knight2001 Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 hi. i agree with sherrysher about the middle person. about kissing on the first date - why not see how the date goes. if you think there's chemistry and your date doesnt initiate a kiss ask her if she wants a kiss. but take it easy. Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 Hi, I had a guy not kiss me on the first date. It was cute because he was shy but at the same time, made me think he wasn't into me. You don't have to go all tonguing her or anything, but a nice peck to let her know you like her but also respect her. And I also agree get rid of the middle man. Link to comment
AtitAgain Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 How old are you and this girl? Unless you are both 13 or something like that, not kissing a girl on the first date is considered a fail in my books. Just make sure to build up the attraction/chemistry and go for it when it feels right. You can tell if it feels right by taking it slow. Does she maintain eye contact? Conversation flows well? She smiles when looking at you? Tried touching her in the arm/around the waist line/compliment and touch hair... how did those things go? Was she receptive, or seemed put off by it? Is she initiating physical contact with you? When on a first date I would try to go to a setting that facilitates this sort of thing. Like a sports bar with pool tables, where you can get something to eat/drink. It has a relaxed atmosphere, and playing a game of pool can make it really easy to include physical contact without it being weird/creepy. If you escalate slowly, you can tell if you have a green light to proceed, or if you need to thread more carefully. Don't worry about what her ex's did or didn't do, I am sure that she did not break up with them because they kissed her on the first date LOL. Link to comment
Smanx4 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Share Posted August 24, 2017 I understand how y'all feel about the middle man. I really do. However this friend genuinely cares about me. Lol no offense, I did not come on here for advice on whether I can trust my middle man or not. I trust her lol. I came on here to ask advice about kissing on the first date Link to comment
SherrySher Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 Unless you are both 13 or something like that, not kissing a girl on the first date is considered a fail in my books. NOT true. I have never kissed a man on a first date mainly because I am slower and I need to take my time and get to really know a man and feel that we have a really good connection before I get intimate (yes, even kissing). It takes me longer but that does not at all mean I am not into him. I like to take my time. It's always worked well for me and weeded out the ones who were only looking for a good time versus those who genuinely liked me. Link to comment
j.man Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 I don't kiss on the first date. All risk, almost no reward. She gets a hug if I enjoyed myself, a handshake if not. If a lady is the type to want a first date kiss, then she should be signaling it in a way that doesn't leave it up to question. Absent it being obvious, just wait it out for the next go-around. If she likes you, she's won't care. Follow your heart, I suppose, but I think you stand to lose much more with leaning in unwelcomed than you could gain potentially having a smooch on the first date rather than the second. Link to comment
romjrom Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 x2 jman, I do the same. Hug on the first date if there's an interest for a second date otherwise a handshake. On Second date if things felt comfortable then a kiss (some girls like to act classy and give you the cheek, that's fine) otherwise a hug. Third date is the deciding one for me, if I get a normal kiss great. If not she's not into me. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 All men should be like the jman and romjrom and not needing to slurp on someones mouth or feel them up on the first date. I appreciate that guys, I really do. True gentlemen who know what romance should be like. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 All men should be like the jman and romjrom and not needing to slurp on someones mouth or feel them up on the first date. I appreciate that guys.I really do. True gentlemen who know what romance should be like. ^Second that. Link to comment
AtitAgain Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 Well, maybe it is a culture thing. In Brazil / South America in general people are much more open to being touched/being physical than here (I live in Canada at the moment). And I have never really dated a North American girl, so maybe I am wrong in my assumptions. Second point that I would make, is that like I mentioned in my previous post. First you check if the girl is open to being physical or not, by being innocent about it. If the girl does not open up about you holding her hand/arm, or giving her a friendly hug , etc.. I definitely would not go in for a kiss. That is just asking for trouble. In my position though, I would feel that either the girl is not really into me, or I failed somehow at building up attraction and a connection. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 @ atitagain maybe you should realise that deeper connections have nothing to do with being physical and if she truly likes you, she will show it in other ways that actually mean something. Anyone can get physical or sleep with someone, what does it mean? Nada. It's empty physical nothingness. Link to comment
AtitAgain Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 @ atitagain maybe you should realise that deeper connections have nothing to do with being physical and if she truly likes you, she will show it in other ways that actually mean something. Anyone can get physical or sleep with someone, what does it mean? Nada. It's empty physical nothingness. Fair enough, but if you are looking to be in a relationship with someone, it is obviously an assumption that the person you are with will be physically attracted to you, and want to be physical with you. I just prefer to know that early on. If the person I am with is not attracted and comfortable with me enough to even feel okay with some physical touch, I would think that the person is probably going to be a good friend, but not necessarily an intimate partner. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 NOT true. I have never kissed a man on a first date mainly because I am slower and I need to take my time and get to really know a man and feel that we have a really good connection before I get intimate (yes, even kissing). It takes me longer but that does not at all mean I am not into him. I like to take my time. It's always worked well for me and weeded out the ones who were only looking for a good time versus those who genuinely liked me. I concur. I can't say I've never kissed a man on the first date. I used to feel obligated when I was younger. But now I only kiss a man if I really feel like it and rarely know them well enough on the first date that I want to kiss them anyway. I even ducked once (: Awkward! I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do this but I certainly wouldn't call it a fail and I would lean towards not - unless something really special happens between the two of you Link to comment
thealchemist Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 I would do nothing physical on the first date (friendly goodbye hug aside). You are trying to see if they are compatible with you in other ways than physical. If you really like her then just get to know her. Talk a lot. Listen a lot. But don't go for anything beyond getting to know each other if you want to actually have a meaningful relationship. And politely tell that in between friend to butt out. Link to comment
Smanx4 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Share Posted August 25, 2017 Thanks everyone. I remember when I first came on here 6 years ago needing advice from my first breakup lol. Y'all always know what's best. Wish me luck tomorrow Link to comment
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