New Guy, First Date, Need Tips!

[JustMizz]

What are you already upset about? You promised you wouldn't get all anxious and overthink, and you promised you'd give him a minute to contact you. Hasn't it only been since yesterday that you heard from him?

 

Yes. But, like I said, before yesterday he was contacting me every day. I promised I wasn't going to contact him, and I'm not. I'm not upset. I just don't understand.

 

Is this normal after a first date?

[boltnrun]

Yes. But, like I said, before yesterday he was contacting me every day. I promised I wasn't going to contact him, and I'm not. I'm not upset. I just don't understand.

 

Is this normal after a first date?

 

The overthinking? Not usually.

 

He was contacting you every day likely because you hadn't met. Now, perhaps he doesn't want to bombard you. Or, he has things going on today.

 

Maybe you should have things going on today so you won't be tempted to check your phone all day long.

[JustMizz]

The overthinking? Not usually.

 

He was contacting you every day likely because you hadn't met. Now, perhaps he doesn't want to bombard you. Or, he has things going on today.

 

Maybe you should have things going on today so you won't be tempted to check your phone all day long.

 

I've been keeping busy today and trying not to over think. It's something I'm working on not doing anymore. I suppose this is good practice for me.

[Honeycomb8]

This is a lot of analysing already for someone you talked to for a week and met once.

[JustMizz]

This is a lot of analysing already for someone you talked to for a week and met once.

 

Just trying to understand. Lol

 

When I asked him what he was on pof looking for, this was his response:

 

First off I'm not on pof anymore I dropped that mess as soon as I started talking to u, i personally hate having to use pof but I'm so damn socially awkward that I can't meet women organically, secondly I'm not just looking for a piece of ass I've done that and it brought me absolutely no joy, but I do want a woman but not just for sex, honestly I'd really like to have a family again

 

We spent the week getting to know each other as best we could via text/phone.

 

I asked him why he deleted pof and he said this:

 

It didn't seem right to keep checking out other women, that's not really my style, I want to try to have a relationship and u can't do that if ur talking to multiple woman at the same time.

[Honeycomb8]

Everything goes out the door when you have a first date. Chemistry and in person connection is way more important than any conversation beforehand.

 

Last year, I met this guy online. We talked an outrageous amount and our messages were paragraphs upon paragraphs. We probably talked enough to write a small novel. That was only within like 5 days.

We met up, I was not attracted at all. =/ Normally, I would have cut my losses in that case, but I gave him a few more shots. We had 5 dates but I just wasn't feeling it. We continued to skype and I tried to feel something, but yeah...

 

I tried Tinder and that worked better lol.

[Batya33]

Yes, those are interesting words. Watch the feet -not the lips -what he does not what he says. I personally would have been repulsed by how he referred to sex and women's bodies and his oversharing of how he used to have casual sex -all shared with a complete stranger who he potentially might want to take out on a date. He seems to objectify women all while claiming he doesn't want a woman for just sex. He never mentions what he wants in a person -their qualities, hobbies -it's all about "wanting a woman" and not just for sex because he's been there done that.

[JustMizz]

I get that.

 

I was actually worried I wouldn't be attracted to him, but I am. I thought I felt chemistry, but I can't say for sure since he didn't try to kiss me or anything. But that could have been because I was contagious.

 

Bleh, I hate how my mind works. I do think too much!

[Honeycomb8]

Just trying to understand. Lol

 

When I asked him what he was on pof looking for, this was his response:

 

First off I'm not on pof anymore I dropped that mess as soon as I started talking to u, i personally hate having to use pof but I'm so damn socially awkward that I can't meet women organically, secondly I'm not just looking for a piece of ass I've done that and it brought me absolutely no joy, but I do want a woman but not just for sex, honestly I'd really like to have a family again

 

We spent the week getting to know each other as best we could via text/phone.

 

I asked him why he deleted pof and he said this:

 

It didn't seem right to keep checking out other women, that's not really my style, I want to try to have a relationship and u can't do that if ur talking to multiple woman at the same time.

 

Anyone can say anything. Doesn't need to be what he believes or will always believe. He's still a stranger.

[Batya33]

I get that.

 

I was actually worried I wouldn't be attracted to him, but I am. I thought I felt chemistry, but I can't say for sure since he didn't try to kiss me or anything. But that could have been because I was contagious.

 

Bleh, I hate how my mind works. I do think too much!

 

So again I think you're getting far too ahead of yourself. Why be worried whether you'll be attracted to a stranger? If you weren't, he's a stranger you've met once in your life so you end the date politely and say nice to meet you and get on with your day.

[JustMizz]

He never mentions what he wants in a person -their qualities, hobbies -it's all about "wanting a woman" and not just for sex because he's been there done that.

 

We did discuss all of that, also.

[Honeycomb8]

I get that.

 

I was actually worried I wouldn't be attracted to him, but I am. I thought I felt chemistry, but I can't say for sure since he didn't try to kiss me or anything. But that could have been because I was contagious.

 

Bleh, I hate how my mind works. I do think too much!

 

All good about the kissing. I've kissed on first dates, and have dated people where I kissed them on the 5th and 6th date. Both cases, they were super into me, just nervous haha.

[Batya33]

We did discuss all of that, also.

 

Yes, but what you posted is how he planned to present himself to strangers he might want to date (and we'll put aside the bad grammar/spelling) - I would not have wanted to meet him in person given how he chose to present himself, overshare, refer to women and to sex and his baggage.

[JustMizz]

Yes, but what you posted is how he planned to present himself to strangers he might want to date (and we'll put aside the bad grammar/spelling) - I would not have wanted to meet him in person given how he chose to present himself, overshare, refer to women and to sex and his baggage.

 

I guess I didn't view his answer in that way.

[Honeycomb8]

What he should have said was.

 

He's going to just see how it goes, and hopefully have it go somewhere more serious with the right person.

 

 

Because that's the honest and healthy answer lol.

[boltnrun]

What he should have said was.

 

He's going to just see how it goes, and hopefully have it go somewhere more serious with the right person.

 

 

Because that's the honest and healthy answer lol.

 

I think that's what the previous guy said ("we'll get there"), correct?

 

But this time, JustMizz, I presume you'll manage your expectations better, and not take him not texting you for ONE DAY as a sign to insist he tell you what his plans for the future are for the two of you.

[JustMizz]

I think that's what the previous guy said ("we'll get there"), correct?

 

But this time, JustMizz, I presume you'll manage your expectations better, and not take him not texting you for ONE DAY as a sign to insist he tell you what his plans for the future are for the two of you.

 

Lol, Yea, like I said, I have no intention of even contacting him at this point.

 

That's why I'm posting here. To have sense knocked into me.

[Batya33]

I guess I didn't view his answer in that way.

 

Well, yes apparently. I made it a rule never to meet men in person who talked about sex before we met especially in the way he did. Obviously some women are comfortable discussing sex with a man they've not yet met because, for example, they might want someone who likes a particular sexual position or they want to find a sex partner more than a relationship partner.

[JustMizz]

Well, yes apparently. I made it a rule never to meet men in person who talked about sex before we met especially in the way he did. Obviously some women are comfortable discussing sex with a man they've not yet met because, for example, they might want someone who likes a particular sexual position or they want to find a sex partner more than a relationship partner.

 

He did attempt to actually talk about sex at one point, expressing it's importance and whatnot, but I told him we weren't at the point where I was comfortable discussing it. He apologized and said he didn't meant to make me uncomfortable and was in no hurry as far as sex was concerned. And that was it.

[Honeycomb8]

Ehhh.

 

I make it not to talk about sex for at least 6+ dates. It's normally a red flag if they talk about it at the start imo.

I don't sleep with someone unless we get into a relationship, so that means I've dated several people for a few months and didn't sleep with them.

Take your time.

[katrina1980]

Everything goes out the door when you have a first date. Chemistry and in person connection is way more important than any conversation beforehand.

 

Last year, I met this guy online. We talked an outrageous amount and our messages were paragraphs upon paragraphs. We probably talked enough to write a small novel. That was only within like 5 days.

We met up, I was not attracted at all. =/ Normally, I would have cut my losses in that case, but I gave him a few more shots. We had 5 dates but I just wasn't feeling it. We continued to skype and I tried to feel something, but yeah...

 

I tried Tinder and that worked better lol.

 

Just out of curiosity HC, did you "feel" something before you met in person?

 

Any sort of energy/chemistry simply based on how you interacted on line?

 

Not a physical chemistry obviously but a sort of mental energy?

 

And the connection you had established on line just died when you met in person?

 

I agree you have to meet in person before determining true genuine chemistry, but I know several couples who met and connected on line and are now happily living together or married.

 

It's rare but happens.

[JustMizz]

I'm definitely taking my time. I feel I let him know my boundaries in a respectful manner.

 

And who knows, maybe all he was after was sex. Its so hard to know true intentions.

[JustMizz]

Just out of curiosity, did you "feel" something before you met in person?

 

Any sort of energy/chemistry simply based on how you interacted in line?

 

Not a physical chemistry obviously but a sort of mental energy?

 

I agree you have to meet in person before determining true genuine chemistry, but I know several couples who met and connected on line and are now happily living together or married.

 

It's rare but happens.

 

Yes, I did. I felt like we "connected" mainly by all we seemed to have in common. There was plenty of "chemistry" in our conversations.

[katrina1980]

Yes, I did. I felt like we "connected" mainly by all we seemed to have in common. There was plenty of "chemistry" in our conversations.

 

Thanks JM but my question was more for Honeycomb since she said they had a rather intense interaction on line but when meeting in person, didn't feel anything.

[JustMizz]

Thanks JM but my question was more for Honeycomb since she said they had a rather intense interaction on line but when meeting in person, didn't feel anything.

 

Oh, you did comment her, lol. My bad.