New Guy, First Date, Need Tips!

[JustMizz]

My pics are up to date and I have pics from different angles, different lighting. The last thing I want is for someone to believe I was trying to be misleading.

 

I do use a level 1 filter, normally, but that's to lighten my freckles.

 

I'm sure I was pale, and I was clammy. He knew I was ill, he should have expected it.

 

Oh well, idk how helpful it will be. I guess I'll be sure to double check pics before sharing, to make sure they aren't misleading.

[JustMizz]

I think, either he's just saying that to make it seem like it wasn't just a hookup, or, he created an unrealistic image of me in his mind and I didn't live up to that.

[Tygerlyly53]

He text this morning and said he didn't want to be mean, but I look nothing like my pics and he wasn't attracted to me.

 

I've never been told that, and I've even asked people if I look like my pics.

 

Oh well, at least I got an answer.

 

I'm not sure how hearing this made you feel, but I think this is the reason I have been having a rough time lately with first meetings. See, I wear makeup. I don't feel comfortable not wearing it. I don't wear anything over the top and I always apply it the same way except maybe a different color eye shadow from time to time. The point I am trying to make is that I have never met someone without wearing makeup but maybe somehow my makeup looks different in person than in photos? I have no idea.

[JustMizz]

I'm not sure how hearing this made you feel, but I think this is the reason I have been having a rough time lately with first meetings. See, I wear makeup. I don't feel comfortable not wearing it. I don't wear anything over the top and I always apply it the same way except maybe a different color eye shadow from time to time. The point I am trying to make is that I have never met someone without wearing makeup but maybe somehow my makeup looks different in person than in photos? I have no idea.

 

It made me wonder for a few, but I've asked several people, including a guy I went on a date with (he's become just a friend and he's very honest), and they've all told me my pictures do look like me. It didn't hurt my feelings, I actually appreciate honesty above not knowing.

 

I wear light makeup, a little foundation, blush, and mascara.

[Tygerlyly53]

I asked a guy I recently met for honest feedback about what his impression of me was after meeting me in person and he never responded. It was a weak moment for me and I figured he was not interested anyway since he never asked to see me again so it couldn't hurt to ask. I regret it now because I never got an answer and if there was ever a chance of him being interested again, I am sure my question totally ruined it!

[katrina1980]

I think, either he's just saying that to make it seem like it wasn't just a hookup, or,

 

----

 

***he created an unrealistic image of me in his mind and I didn't live up to that.

 

I think it's most likely the latter JM.

 

Which is why, as others have been saying (and I agree), it's best to meet ASAP before the other person, or even yourself, becomes too attached and gets caught up in the 'image' or 'fantasy' of someone before meeting in person.

 

Reality is rarely, if ever, as attractive as fantasy.

 

I don't even believe in exchanging lots of photos before meeting either, for same reason. One or two tops to get a general idea but that's it.

 

You need to meet 'in person' and sense each other's vibe.

 

Like I said earlier, energy/vibe trumps everything else, even looks IMO.

 

I think what may have happened is he built up an image of you (not just from your pics but from all the texting also) and when you met, the reality of you didn't match the image he had created.

 

Which begs the question, why did he want to go back to yours afterwards???

 

I think he's full of BS. Like we've been saying, it really seems like he was just looking for a quick hook up.

 

Also for next time, do not do a 'first meet' when you're sick! Not sure what you were thinking there.

 

You want to be feeling and looking good and at your best!

 

Don't be afraid of turning him off if you have to cancel cause you're sick or not feeling well.

 

If he gets pissy about it, big red flag. Next.

[figureitout23]

He text this morning and said he didn't want to be mean, but I look nothing like my pics and he wasn't attracted to me.

 

I've never been told that, and I've even asked people if I look like my pics.

 

Oh well, at least I got an answer.

 

Well now you know it was nothing you did on the date. Which is a good thing, you won't sit around second guessing yourself on a date with someone else.

 

Of course you want to put your best foot forward, but are your photos drastically different? 'Recent' doesn't always equal 'accurate' depiction. May be something to look into. If he's just being high maintenance, that's on him. But I am glad he gave you a heads up for your own piece of mind.

[katrina1980]

@figureitout, since the reason he gave her was he wasn't attracted to her, do you have any thoughts as to why he wanted to go back to hers afterwards?

 

Would you agree to meet a man who told you, prior to meeting, he wasn't just looking for a *piece of ass*?

[figureitout23]

@figureitout, since the reason he gave her was he wasn't attracted to her, do you have any thoughts as to why he wanted to go back to hers afterwards?

 

Im going to guess it's because even though he met her and realized he didn't want to date her, he figured he wouldn't 'waste' the night.

 

I mean the outcome would have been the exact same whether she slept with him or not so he probably figured 'may as well try'.

 

Luckily, she's smarter than that and didn't go for it.

[JustMizz]

I think his use of terminology is indicative of the area we live in.

 

And he insisted on meeting that day. I didn't feel ill, but by the time I showered and got ready, plus he text saying he would be arriving sooner so I got into a rush, I was feeling frazzled.

 

And yes, my pics are a good depiction of me, in fact, the guy friend I mentioned said he felt I looked exactly like my pictures when he first met me. I'm sure everyone's perception is different, though.

[katrina1980]

Im going to guess it's because even though he met her and realized he didn't want to date her, he figured he wouldn't 'waste' the night.

 

I mean the outcome would have been the exact same whether she slept with him or not so he probably figured 'may as well try'.

 

Luckily, she's smarter than that and didn't go for it.

 

I agree!

 

JM, consider this a bullet successfully dodged.

[JustMizz]

I agree!

 

JM, consider this a bullet successfully dodged.

 

Lol, will do.

 

I'm learning. 😊

[figureitout23]

I think his use of terminology is indicative of the area we live in.

 

And he insisted on meeting that day. I didn't feel ill, but by the time I showered and got ready, plus he text saying he would be arriving sooner so I got into a rush, I was feeling frazzled.

 

And yes, my pics are a good depiction of me, in fact, the guy friend I mentioned said he felt I looked exactly like my pictures when he first met me. I'm sure everyone's perception is different, though.

 

In that case bullet dodged!

[demonamong88]

not a counsel but, you are on your way, if he lacks response, then maybe you make the move?, now in this age, both need to show interest, if not, then the other cannot know what they feel?

[demonamong88]

course if he also suggest you rush, then not a gentleman, in my view, a girl can take all the time she needs, to feel she is ready

[demonamong88]

As well hope this helps, my type, seeks not just a first date but many, to see if are compatible, is why perhaps i am single still too?

[JustMizz]

not a counsel but, you are on your way, if he lacks response, then maybe you make the move?, now in this age, both need to show interest, if not, then the other cannot know what they feel?

 

Thanks, demon, I did reach out. He finally told me he wasn't attracted to me.

 

It's all good, he's just not the one for me. 😃

[JustMizz]

As well hope this helps, my type, seeks not just a first date but many, to see if are compatible, is why perhaps i am single still too?

 

No, that's how it should be.

[demonamong88]

I only apply advice and wisdom, since i comically, went through over 2k dates and so far none panned out.

[demonamong88]

sorry you were told that, but, I figured you needed to find out because it would hurt worse if you knew too late.

[demonamong88]

I once went on 5 dates, and at the fifth date, the girl left my company to another at the same place, and dated another guy whom she left with, bad way to end it.