"Friend zoned" after sex

[Imjustagirl22]

Rejection still stinging

 

for u? what happened?

 

 

see for me, i dont even feel rejected anymore nor do i want MORE from him because i am not all in my head in la la land anymore lol

[katrina1980]

for u? what happened?

 

see for me, i dont even feel rejected anymore nor do i want MORE from him because i am not all in my head in la la land anymore lol

 

You also said you plan to "use" him for sex? Because you just don't give a *?

 

I do believe you and hope it sticks for your sake.

 

However, I've denied feelings for as long as a few months!

 

Convinced myself I didn't give a * even acting a bit cocky about it like you're doing now (not judging).

 

I never *used* a man for sex though, and would never.

 

Then it hits and all those emotions come rushing back.

 

I hope that doesn't happen to you because, for me, when I reflected back on my behavior during that time, try as I might to not have regrets, I do. It was dishonest.

 

I think I denied feelings because of fear.

 

Fear of getting too attached, getting hurt, getting played, whatever.

 

I'm am trying very hard now to NOT do this anymore, to always stay real and honest within myself and with others.

 

Best of luck!!

[Imjustagirl22]

Thank you.

 

I definitely get what you are saying, esp based off my actions/words throughout this post. I have an issue with losing myself in relationships, and me backing off for that week took my head out of his ass, and allowed me to step back. I actually am so much happier not analyzing what he says, what he likes of mine on Facebook, etc. Becaue like yall said..i was looking for clues, hints, etc that he'd want more, but when someone tells you something they mean it. But, when I do get myself wrapped up I forget to focus on my own needs / wants, etc. So now I am back to doing that, which is why I know I am not ready for something serious yet. But, I do enjoy him for his friendship/support and occasional sex. I had to step back and realize I am in NO position either to take on a full relationship with anyone. I have to focus on me, so I have been doing that the last few days, and will continue to.

 

And to be honest, I don't look for his texts anymore, or jump for joy at every little thing because Oh em gee I like him sooOoO much! Haha. He is a nice person though, and he does encourage/support me to do things like a FRIEND does. Which is nice, but I think that's more his character, not him looking to be my bf. Can't say we will be friends forever, but I like the friendship or whatver we've got going on for now.

 

I have the capacity to understand these things, and watch myself become a train wreck, however, I am sometimes very stubborn!! Lol!! I do truly learn from my experiences, though I may make more mistakes, I eventually do learn and carry experiences with me.

[Imjustagirl22]

Also, it was very strange for me...the morning after sleeping with him this past weekend, I didn't feel much emotion towards him, you know? Never had that happen with this guy before. But It's a good thing, not a bad.

 

See, I am in therapy, and i do bring up these things with her. So with ya'lls advice, and her...I do listen and open my eyes up to things.

[katrina1980]

Also, it was very strange for me...the morning after sleeping with him this past weekend, I didn't feel much emotion towards him, you know? Never had that happen with this guy before. But It's a good thing, not a bad.

 

 

Personally I'm not really able to enjoy sex without emotion, but if you can more power to ya!

 

I'm glad you've got it sorted out!

[1a1a]

for u? what happened?

 

 

see for me, i dont even feel rejected anymore nor do i want MORE from him because i am not all in my head in la la land anymore lol

 

The interactions have died down to almost nothing (just me reaching out). I'd say, not interested. But it was nice in the beginning, to have someone interested in talking to me *mourns* Guess I didn't continue to impress.

[Batya33]

Also, it was very strange for me...the morning after sleeping with him this past weekend, I didn't feel much emotion towards him, you know? Never had that happen with this guy before. But It's a good thing, not a bad.

 

See, I am in therapy, and i do bring up these things with her. So with ya'lls advice, and her...I do listen and open my eyes up to things.

 

Sounds like you want to be able to have sex with someone without feeling emotion and now you know you can. You're a single adult having sex with another single adult and if that is what floats your boat, go for it!

[Imjustagirl22]

The interactions have died down to almost nothing (just me reaching out). I'd say, not interested. But it was nice in the beginning, to have someone interested in talking to me *mourns* Guess I didn't continue to impress.

 

I run into that problem too, and once they do that, that's when I think it's best to walk away but it's hard. So annoying though, i know the feeling

[Imjustagirl22]

Sounds like you want to be able to have sex with someone without feeling emotion and now you know you can. You're a single adult having sex with another single adult and if that is what floats your boat, go for it!

 

I'd much rather have the feelings there, but not with this guy because I know he's not completely emotionally available / isn't looking for that. So I don't like him the same way I was really liking him because I finally stepped outside of myself and realized stuff. So I got drained by putting in so much energy, that I wasn't getting back.

 

I'm able to accept that he likes me, and I like him but that's it, not much really to us but there's enough attraction/spark to enjoy our interactions. But I am keeping him at arm's length like he does with me.

 

But like I said..it's really WEIRD for me. Because normally having sex with someone kinda bonds me to them, because I'm an emotional person. I feel a lot for people / things in general. So it works for now. But eventually one day, hope to meet the right person who can give me, as much as I give to them

[Imjustagirl22]

Just realized i always type long replies...

 

HAahaha. Can you tell I love to talk? i'm a super talkative person! Woops

[katrina1980]

Also, it was very strange for me...the morning after sleeping with him this past weekend, I didn't feel much emotion towards him, you know? Never had that happen with this guy before. But It's a good thing, not a bad.

 

See, I am in therapy, and i do bring up these things with her. So with ya'lls advice, and her...I do listen and open my eyes up to things.

 

I was just about to ask you if you've had sex with him after re-wiring your thinking, and if so how you felt.

 

Them I read this^ so guess that answers my question!

 

You sound like a very strong girl (stronger than myself even!) and good on you for being able to separate the two (sex from emotion).

 

Nothing wrong with what you're doing, as long as you're being true and honest with yourself (and of course, him).

 

With your new relaxed casual attitude, watch HIM want more, LOL.

 

Wouldn't surprise me, seen it happen.

[katrina1980]

Just realized i always type long replies...

 

HAahaha. Can you tell I love to talk? i'm a super talkative person! Woops

 

LOL, have you read some of mine?

[Imjustagirl22]

I was just about to ask you if you've had sex with him after re-wiring your thinking, and if so how you felt.

 

Them I read this^ so guess that answers my question!

 

You sound like a very strong girl (stronger than myself even!) and good on you for being able to separate the two (sex from emotion).

 

Nothing wrong with what you're doing, as long as you're being true and honest with yourself (and of course, him).

 

With your new relaxed casual attitude, watch HIM want more, LOL.

 

Wouldn't surprise me, seen it happen.

 

 

I can be strong, I often under estimate myself. Right now, I truly enjoy his friendship he's been there for an ear to listen a lot, esp for being someone I haven't known too long. He's a good person. I think I friend zoned him like he did to me haha. I actually have been doing that to a bunch of guys lately, just friend zoning them for one reason or another. Definitely was my first experience of sex without a ton of emotion there I suppose. I really just started to lose myself, and I did realize there's no way I'm ready for a relationship, I was too hurt by someone for 10 years.

 

Hahha that would be hilarious if he ended up wanting more! I don't think so though, we both have a lot going on, and probably arent relationship material to each other. Which I now accept.

 

He's real supportive of me in a friend way. He'll sometimes ask me about dates I go on, or tell me to "Get it girl" aha! Last weekend he brought up this guy i mentioned to him before [they're mutual friends on FB - i told him this like 1 week and a half ago] and asked me how it was going with that guy. Kinda random, I guess he is just trying to be supportive of me and see if I met anyone great.

 

But I really do value his friendship, and now that i can put the feelings I had aside, I do kinda hope that our occasional sex doesn't ruin the ability to have a friendship -- you know. Like genuinely care about the friendship!

[Imjustagirl22]

LOL, have you read some of mine?

 

 

Hahahah! at least i'm not the only one. i'm like this in person too, i just looove to chat, and often have a lot to say. whether i'm super invested in something or not, it's just my thing

[Imjustagirl22]

i really must not want something serious, because tbh i dont go on real "dates" i just hangout with people. i wasnt allowed to hangout with anyone really, esp not guys for 10 whole years. but, i get along really well with guys. i always had guys friends in school.

 

i just notice i more make plans to hangout with people..lol

[Imjustagirl22]

he's a fun update....

 

i just cut him out of my life. felt like he wasn't even attempting to be a friend [and truly i just really wanted a friend.] and i got tired of him being short with me. so he's out. i recently lost my best friend [not death], who was also toxic...and i just am clearing toxic people out of my life since ive been going through a lot.

 

i actually deleted all my dating apps as well. i am not ready to even indulge in dating really. i kept a few people from the sites that i do talk to, but i am no longer actively seeking someone.

 

and I think everything happens for a reason

[figureitout23]

Always good to kick toxic people out of your life. 😊