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NO TURNING BACK DAY 117

Had a pretty active day. I woke by 5:43 am. And went for morning run, then studied and went to the institute. Came back at 2:30pm. Had lunch then slept for an hour saw a serial "younger" which I love the most and then was back to studies. And now I am all the to doze off.

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 119

I didn't post yesterday because I was so tired and my mind was in chaos. Damn it! I don't know when I'll completely move on. I miss him terribly at times. I don't know whether the breakup was right. I don't know whether this pain is going to worth it or not. I do know I made mistakes, but I never ever took him for granted, I did apologised for my mistakes. In order to save that relationship or to reconcile I lied to him, but nothing! nothing worked out at the end. Sigh! Anyway, some lessons are worth learning. Hope all these things will make sense one day. Hope, I'll be a quality person one day.

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 121

Sigh! It's been his birthday today. And he was in my mind all day long. I stalked his profile as well through my brother's fb account. It didn't hurt me at all but what hurt me was he seemed to be all cool having better days and all I do is miss him, let him cross my mind and still feel bad for the mistakes I did to which I genuinely apologised. Anyway, social media always make you believe that the other side is greener. I know he would have been strongly expecting my call, but what's the point of calling him? I asked him when the last time I spoke to him in the hope of reconciliation that am I suppose to stop talking to him forever? To that he said yes!

Anyway, now it's all about me. Hope one fine day I'll recover and will initiate the life I am dreaming of.

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 122

There were many flashbacks I had today. And there was this feeling of resentment and hatred I had. I was hating how my weaknesses were used against me. Being totally pure to him, he had put obnoxious allegations on me. Sigh! Chuck it. We never met, and he doesn't know me at all. Yes! I am a complete retarded bit*h. And now I don't give a damn.

Past is a past!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 123

Today is my last post. I had decided to post till 16th of November and I am glad I posted here daily. But the progress is nothing, nothing at all. I still miss him terribly, I still feel bad for the mistakes I had committed, which ultimately led/ forced him to break up with me. Even though I apologised and did everything I could to save the relationship, but I couldn't . I couldn't save the relationship. I know he's gone, I know he's not mine anymore, I know he's way too ahead now, I know I pushed him away. But I want to move on now, I want to live my life and stop crying.

I do everything to stop him to cross my mind. I wake up.early, study, go for a morning run, then get ready for the classes (preparing for competitive exams to have a good job), come back from classes, take a nap, then roam around in the evening and again study then hit the sack.

I do accept I am not a good person, but yes, I have learned my lessons. And I know I can't have him anymore.

My problem is when I'll begin to forget him. When I'll begin to take it lightly. When I'll begun to make a real progress. When I'll stop regretting that I have lost him. When I'll begin to laugh remembering this hurt and pain. When I'll realise we weren't bound to be together and someone better and awesome is yet to come. When I'll stop whining about him in my heart and head and will begin to love myself for all the mistakes I had committed for all the flaws I have/had?

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It took me almost 2 years to get over my ex-fiancé. Now we're friends, and when I see him (about once a year) any feelings I had for him are completely gone. It's been 7 years since he left me for another woman....but like you...I blamed myself. Never blamed HIM at all. Never. All me, which caused me to go into a depression

 

2 years after the breakup, I was just starting to smile again. I joined a hiking, social 'meetup', and my life changed. I made new friends. But I still talked about him continually. Met a guy....he liked me. He said all I did was talk about the other guy...lol....he should have seen me at the 6 month breakup spot!

 

Anyway....4 years later, now the latest guy has bit the dust....for the 100th time.

 

This time, I'm NOT blaming my self. I can see his faults. Even tho HE can't see them.

 

Try not to think that you drove this guy away because of your neediness...your wanting to be with him...

He just didn't have the same feelings for you that you had for him. I've gone out with guys who really WANTED to date me, and after a few dates, I realized I found them very annoying. Ya know, when you find someone annoying, it means you don't LOVE them. You are not compatible. Just because one feels a certain way about someone, doesn't mean they will feel the same about you. It's a hard lesson to learn. You have to grow a thicker skin....and say, it's NOT MY FAULT.

 

 

So how long will this take? No one knows. How long will you be taking all the blame? I still had ALL the feelings for my ex at a year, without seeing him. Soooooo.....

 

 

Then it wasn't till I was seeing this new guy about 10 months (as friends) that I called my mom and said....I'm finally happy.

 

Alone again....but darn....NO WAY am I gonna wallow in sadness and pity for 2 years like I did before!

 

Your failing at your tests aren't helping any...you are a young person (I'm almost 63) and have a whole life ahead of yourself. Heck....I didn't get married til I was 32...and my sis got married for the first time at 48.....so you can whine.....in your heart and head and here....it's not going to go away over night. Your first step is forgiving yourself. hugs

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It took me almost 2 years to get over my ex-fiancé. Now we're friends, and when I see him (about once a year) any feelings I had for him are completely gone. It's been 7 years since he left me for another woman....but like you...I blamed myself. Never blamed HIM at all. Never. All me, which caused me to go into a depression

 

2 years after the breakup, I was just starting to smile again. I joined a hiking, social 'meetup', and my life changed. I made new friends. But I still talked about him continually. Met a guy....he liked me. He said all I did was talk about the other guy...lol....he should have seen me at the 6 month breakup spot!

 

Anyway....4 years later, now the latest guy has bit the dust....for the 100th time.

 

This time, I'm NOT blaming my self. I can see his faults. Even tho HE can't see them.

 

Try not to think that you drove this guy away because of your neediness...your wanting to be with him...

He just didn't have the same feelings for you that you had for him. I've gone out with guys who really WANTED to date me, and after a few dates, I realized I found them very annoying. Ya know, when you find someone annoying, it means you don't LOVE them. You are not compatible. Just because one feels a certain way about someone, doesn't mean they will feel the same about you. It's a hard lesson to learn. You have to grow a thicker skin....and say, it's NOT MY FAULT.

 

 

So how long will this take? No one knows. How long will you be taking all the blame? I still had ALL the feelings for my ex at a year, without seeing him. Soooooo.....

 

 

Then it wasn't till I was seeing this new guy about 10 months (as friends) that I called my mom and said....I'm finally happy.

 

Alone again....but darn....NO WAY am I gonna wallow in sadness and pity for 2 years like I did before!

 

Your failing at your tests aren't helping any...you are a young person (I'm almost 63) and have a whole life ahead of yourself. Heck....I didn't get married til I was 32...and my sis got married for the first time at 48.....so you can whine.....in your heart and head and here....it's not going to go away over night. Your first step is forgiving yourself. hugs

 

Hey, sorry for the late response! I was going busy lately, totally into my books and classes. And I believe I have begun to accept the things happening around me. I am glad whatever had happened and is happening. All I seek right now is my growth, my health, my preparation, just ME only and only ME!

I am really happy to see your response to my situation and it indeed help me to analyse things from your side.

Thank you!

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