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NO CONTACT DAY 20

Today I did miss him, but I wasn't getting carried away by my emotions. The best part is these days I get sleepy on time at night. Otherwise, I remember those days when I was struggling to fall asleep. Even now typing about today's NC I am dozing off again and again. I am happy that my body has started transforming biologically now. Only mentally, spirituality remaining plus career and behavioural wise as well.

Since I am way too sleepy right now, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 20

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Strive for no contact day 40 you will be fine by then

 

No, I'll strive for 123 days. Last time I had talked to him, it was 16th July and I want to make it last till 16th November. And I hope by the time, I may be least bother about his existence and would have worked and transformed myself into a totally new person.

Btw, thank you so much for reading out my journal and dropping a comment here, it means a lot to me.

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NO CONTACT DAY 21

I don't know when his memories will fade away from my mind. I miss him terribly at times.

Today also he was in my mind, he always reminds of my dumbest version. I feel so stupid, incapable and bungler. Damn me! I feel bad that I have shown him my weakest and vulnerable side.

I didn't study much. I am just dying to get back on track. It's been a long, perhaps 3-4 months since I had gone for jogging. My health doesn't favour my will power. I hope I'll recover at the soonest.

I want to write more, but I am way too sleepy to type anything further.

However, another victory over love, I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 21.

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You are doing really great, perhaps try to forgive yourself for your mistakes. I see you beating yourself up for past mistakes for being your worst version of yourself, weak, vulnerable, stupid etc. But that might not necessarily be the case, it is your own perspective. I understand, I do not really like myself either. But you can build on that, so perhaps a nice goal to strife for? Improving the Self ().

 

But definitely try to actively start forgiving yourself for your past mistakes, you need to be your own friend and stop beating yourself up. What's done is done (easy at is sounds), you cannot change the past (as much as we wanted to), so simply own up to those mistakes learn what you can improve and do that.

 

Keep up the good work!

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You are doing really great, perhaps try to forgive yourself for your mistakes. I see you beating yourself up for past mistakes for being your worst version of yourself, weak, vulnerable, stupid etc. But that might not necessarily be the case, it is your own perspective. I understand, I do not really like myself either. But you can build on that, so perhaps a nice goal to strife for? Improving the Self ().

 

But definitely try to actively start forgiving yourself for your past mistakes, you need to be your own friend and stop beating yourself up. What's done is done (easy at is sounds), you cannot change the past (as much as we wanted to), so simply own up to those mistakes learn what you can improve and do that.

 

Keep up the good work!

 

Well actually speaking, NO! I am not beating up myself, but since the break up I have been feeling like this. And it kills me deep inside. And, worst part is I don't know how to forgive myself?

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NO CONTACT DAY 22

The day was pretty hectic and boring as well. Yes, he was in my mind and today, I was thinking of removing him from my facebook as well. Damn! All I want to do is work hard on my health and studies. I have got many topics piled up for me to study.

Today, I had gone to a birthday party I didn't like the food there and I was getting bored af.

Hope, tomorrow I'll study hard.

Phew! I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 22.

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NO CONTACT DAY 23

Today, I was reminiscing good times and talks with him and I realised I was all in smiles. Hahaha! Love is such a stupid thing. I was feeling the urge of breaking the NC, but I immediately analysed the repercussions of it and the way he had talked and said things to me last time was enough to continue doing NC.

Anyway, today I had YouTubed many motivational videos and I was all energetic throughout the day. I studied a little, plus I had gone for an evening jog. I was running like an old woman, I don't know how was I able to run efficiently earlier. I hope now I stick on to the threshold changing version of myself. And no looking back, no matter how sad or weak, I may feel in the future. Some lessons are necessary and worth learning in life and these are one of them.

And once again, I'm glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 23.

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NO CONTACT DAY 24

I missed him so so much today that I wanted to break the NC and hear his voice. His voice, Oh! .. I didn't break the NC because I know, there is no point talking to him now. Once things are done, it's done. My heart still aches, I don't know it is out of isolation or out of first love or real love thing. Whatever it is, the fact is I miss him every day and just wish I'll stop missing him one fine day. I am glad I am doing better from past a few days and this is why I think things are going to be fine at the soonest.

I had studied today quite better, went to the gym, went out with my mummy and wasted my rest of the time on googling and YouTubing. However, I have already made plans for tomorrow's errands.

I am all set to wake up early tomorrow.

And once again, NC defeated the desperation of missing him. I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 24

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NO CONTACT DAY 25

Pretty weird how I miss him every day. Being dumped is good, it at least reminds me every day to push for better self. I am thankful to him for dumping me.

However, I don't know why, how come I haven't yet able to identify his imperfections. I miss him terribly at times, that my heart aches and eyes gets wet. But, I don't have the option to look back now. Since knowing the fact that intimacy is the only thing he's now attracted to, tear my heart into pieces. Strongly proud enough that I have never touched him or met, proud enough that it was a long distance relationship. Hope this pain of separation make me awesome. Oh! Love is such a crazy thing. I am loosing interest in talking with other boys. It's just I don't like talking to anyone now and then they end up calling me rude and stubborn. Worth hearing that comment though

Staying in the limits is the only boundary I liked and like to adhere. However, I am not satisfied the way I am personally performing in terms of learning new things.

Daily things are getting piled up for me and every day I don't know where to begin from. Getting up early indeed sucks, but for me, it's the only way to be productive a little bit more.

Anyway, I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 25.

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NO CONTACT DAY 26

He was in my thoughts today as well, but I was rational enough to not miss him like I was missing him for the past three days. My day was quite boring and slow. I had massaged my long hair, it was so very soothing. I hadn't studied much, but the topic covered were important ones.

Since today I had woken up late in the morning, I am all set to hit the sack now so that tomorrow I'll not be as mad as I was for not getting up early.

I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 26.

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NO CONTACT DAY 27

I am such an a**. I am so very lazy personality inside-out. Since the break up I have been bluffing about working upon myself, this sh*t and that sh*t, but actually I am not doing a single damn thing.

I am sick of missing him like a mad. I am sick of regretting things, I am sick of talking or thinking about him, I am sick of living like a crap for almost 1.5 months. I want to do wonders, but damn me! I do nothing and nothing at all. I don't even prepare or study for my exams the way I have to. Why I just can't get over the fact that, yes, I messed up the things and I need to stop blaming myself again and again. Why can't I just stop treating myself like a piece of ?

Why can't I just get my a** off to at least sincerely study?

Why the hell I am so lazy? Why?

I stumbled upon my ex's Instagram post and I just felt bad that this dude is making progress and all I am doing is just wasting my time and becoming a way too lazy girl to do anything.

Anyway, I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 27.

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 28

Okay, so since yesterday I am sick of living life like a loser. And from now on, I am not going to talk about him anymore. Enough is enough. Why should I dwell on the person who's just no more part of my life. Bulls**t all this melodrama of sobbing over the same thing again and again. I did study today and ran 5.77 kms. I was all trying to keep myself preoccupied in my chores. And I did it. Now the post is going to be only and only about me and my progresses personally and professionally.

Cheers to my back to awesome days!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 29

I am way too tired right now, it's 2300 hrs now, and my eyes are heavy. I had studied with one of my friends. He's very good at mathematics and I am way too weak. So, he's my mentor, guides me to solve a single problem in many ways. After studying from him, I went to meet my college junior, she's in the town from past one week and I didn't know that unless today in the morning I logged in to Facebook. We decided to meet in the afternoon, had lunch and I took her to the historical place and told her many facts and figures about that place. I was all like her tourist guide and in the evening I had gone for 3.47 km jog with a fast walk.

Anyway, it was a good day.

Cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 30

I am not going to write much, I am very tired and sleepy right now. Like always, I missed my alarm today as well. Frustrated to do so again and again. Anyway, I had studied throughout the day and closed my books in the evening around 1845 hrs then went to run, and ran up to 5.42 kms. After that, guests had come to my house and I got all preoccupied with them. And now off to bed. Oh yeah! I was on fasting today. So, didn't eat anything besides fruits and a glass of milk.

Anyway, the day was normal, pretty eye and mind tiring.

But still cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 31

Eehaaa! Successful month of NO TURNING BACK DAYS is over and another one to begin to keep a close watch on my progress. What a journey from sadness, heartaches, red- swollen eyes, sleepless nights, way too poor health to recovering and pushing myself to do a little better every day.

Today, I got an opportunity to help an Aunty and I realised, damn! I am still the same and no, I am not a bad bit**. People make mistakes I made it too. But, my intentions were always humble and generous. Anyway, I have learnt that there are certain things on which you don't have control over, sometimes universe force you to go through certain situations to learn something about your own self.

I thank the universe to let me go through this pain and allowing me to grow out of this. Hope he's also doing great and I hope and wish that even I keep progressing quickly and achieve my desired goals.

Cheers to my awesome life!

Ps: I had a normal day in terms of studying. I am sleepy and have decided to wake up early and learn as much things as I can.

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 32

My day wasn't productive enough today. Tomorrow is my exam I hope I'll do well. I woke up early today and had studied.

Oh ya! Today I got his text, somebody has anonymously confessed her love and well wishes for him, he thought its me. But, naah! I was so least bother to even reply to his text. Once things are done, it's done plus I don't need to bloody anonymously confess anything.

Anyway, keeping his talks aside. I feel I am doing better. I need to push myself harder now, because days left for my mega exam are so very less, time to buckle up now.

Cheers to closing an another happy day.

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 33

My exam wasn't up to that mark. Damn, I'll not make it in this exam, I know. Anyway, I have another exam on 27th. I got to nail that exam at any cost. I ran 6.26 kms in the evening. I hope I'll be soon in my best-est shape.

Today, he had DM me a post on Instagram, I haven't checked it yet, because I want to stay on my NC till 16th of November and who knows I may even processed it further or for forever. Now, I have stopped thinking about the future, the universe is always in favour of you that's what I know. I would anyway, now be interested in making my present as productive as possible.

Cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 34

Sigh! Now the only number of days is left for my mega exam. I am seriously worried because it's my last chance as well. I'll do it, yes, I'll make it.

My day was good and busy. I shall now be sleeping. No time to write more.

Cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 35

I had a hectic day today. From past two days, it's freaking hot here. Anyway, I couldn't study much today. I got to compensate for it tomorrow. Oh, forgot to mention, I've finally bought multivitamin capsules from the chemist's shop, it's been almost 4-5 months since I feel so very exhausted and tired and weak. Anyway, I am all ready to hit the sack and get up early.

Cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 36

I am afraid but determined to study harder and not lose hope even after a hardly number of days left to appear for my mega exam. I had studied so long that now my hip and lower back is aching. I am off to bed now, to relax and get ready for another hardcore day. However, these days to keep my energy level alive and kicking for a long number of hours I am having strong coffee and the worst part is I am getting addicted to it.

But still, cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 37

I miss him terribly at times, feels emotionally weak as well. But, yes, I am firm on not to turn back.

I am seriously worried about my exam. I am not going out these days I am just with my books all the time, so don't know what is happening around besides dealing with the freaking hot weather.

Have to get up early.

Cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 38

I am sick of missing him like a lunatic. I shall be carrying on my daily errands but he'll be hovering in my head all the time. Bloody love and break up matters. I seriously want to channelise my energy into something productive and live a disciplined life.

However, I have been going busy with my exam preparation. Hoping to nail it finally. Anyway, it rained here, now I can sleep peacefully.

Cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 39

I am tired and sleepy. And nothing is in my mind right now.

I am grateful, for the another busy and peaceful day.

I am grateful, for the another breakup and going through this pain.

I am grateful, for the new opportunities I am getting each and everyday to push and prove myself.

I am grateful to my family and friends for loving me more than themselves.

I am grateful to the universe for pushing me towards my goal.

Yes, I am grateful to the GOD.

Cheers!

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NO TURNING BACK DAY 40

Can't believe it's day 40 even though I miss him everyday. He had came in my dream in the afternoon, it was all about that I broke the NC, texting him friendly texts and he was still cold turkey on me which I didn't like and was feeling so bad that my heart was aching. When I woke up, I realised I was just dreaming and was so happy that actually I didn't break my NC.

Anyway, I lost my scooter's key to today. And I haven't told about this to anybody, only my mummy knows

I want to write more, but I am so very sleepy now. 40thday over wow!

Cheers!

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