No Contact

[Elavohra]

HERE I shall be writing and notice about the progress and feelings during the No Contact phase with my ex till the moment my brain starts fading him away. I would love to keep tabs on my progress and improvement if I make any!

ENA peeps, your suggestions and comments are welcomed here:

 

 

I had talked to my ex yesterday and like always it was a long chat perhaps lasted for 2hours. I have been so far trying to save the friendship and keep the conversation alive. He's my childhood friend. It was a long distance relationship and for a shorter period of time (it lasted for about 3-4 months). I had been rejected. Initially I didn't want to be in a relationship later on fell for him. The more I was falling for him the more things were getting toxic. I started giving him more attention, tried to make him more happy because it used make me feel good as well. And I didn't realise I was becoming a demanding girlfriend, always seeking for his time and killing his personal space or me time. Trust me, I never knew I was making things toxic. Never knew I was making a mistake. I don't know why I wanted to love him but I wanted to get out of the relationship as well, I don't know why I used to feel suffocating at times that I ended up crying and asked him to leave me, on the other hand he was also loosing interest in me by knowing this side of me. And thus, one fine day we broke up.

He decided to quit. I felt bad, I knew it, he was leaving me because of my bad qualities. I tried to reconcile things between us till yesterday. (we broke up in late April). He said, he is no more emotionally attached to me, the only thing left between us is only physical attractions (hearing this alone I was shattered, I felt it humiliating and insulting, my heart ached so badly that the person I loved the most carrying this image of mine) . That he would do the things and then leave but, he didn't want to because I am a girl who wants emotional attachments and would do things only and only with her husband. I am glad at least he knows this thing about me.

So, the thing is rejection hurts, it stings like hell. It hurts when your friend/boyfriend/relative or anybody looses interest in you. Knowing that I am neither a girlfriend nor a wife material. Yes, my self-confidence and self-esteem is shattered very badly. But, I do accept the reality that I am a girl with hell lots of imperfections. I don't want him now. I am doing NC so that I can get out of his life. Since, he's no more interested in talking to.me as well. NCing for his peace of mind. I know, even in future he may or may not like to have a friendly talk. But, I don't want to live with such hopes anymore. I am doing NC for myself as well, because I know I can't change his opinion for myself, he will never be interested in seeing the improved version of myself plus I must remember this suffering that who I am. A clingy, desperate and needy girl.

I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 1.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY-2

Today is day 2 of no contact. He came in my dreams last night and today in the afternoon when I was taking a power nap. I didn't like it. I felt so weak and shattered. The dream was way too intense and making me feel insecure. I was trying to focus in class. But I was getting distracted again and again. I didn't study much, my attention in studies wasn't powerful enough. He was hovering in my mind throughout the day. I was missing talking to him plus I was hating myself as well for being rejected, that I don't have that spark anymore and blah, blah ,blah... My subconscious mind kept on saying that he'll soon call me and will understand the worth of my love and affection, and would love to get back into the friendship. Urrr! My bloody subconscious mind.

Anyway, my day wasn't as productive as I thought I would make it, I solved four puzzles today and learnt by heart a few static general knowledge questions. I read irrelevant articles on the internet. I hope I make my tomorrow more productive than today. I hope I'll soon stop living or imagining false hopes. But if its real I hope by the time I end up learning managing things well. I hope I transform myself by the time.

Nevertheless, all I care right now is about achieving my goals and work upon my bad qualities and keep counting the blessings I have.

I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY-2

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY-3

Today is the third day of NC. He was still in my mind. And my reality was being challenged by my subconscious mind. My subconscious mind still thinks that one day he'll call me and will appreciate the good time and qualities I had/have and will ask me to be his friend forever. Bloody subconscious mind, giving false hopes to stick and dwell on.

In spite of not going for the class, I was a little productive today. I had gone out with my mother in the evening after ages. I have an exam on Sunday and that exam is different from banking exams this is why I shall be joining the classes from Tuesday onwards.

I had learnt by heart a few static GK and idioms and phrases.

I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 2.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 4

Today is NC Day-4. He was still in my mind and heart. It's been 4th day that he's constantly coming in my dreams. I don't like it at all. It hurts me and makes me way too weak. I know I'll surpass all this but I don't know how long it will take. I am not as productive as I ought to be. I feel so tired and demotivated and worthless. I just keep on surfing one thing from another unnecessarily. My heart wishes for his call or that one day he'll call me and my mind instructs me to push myself and work upon myself. I don't have a job, to have a better job I need to clear exam, but I am just failing to focus, and to study for the exam. I want to forget him forever, and yes, on the other hand, I want him at least to remember me and be in touch like we used to be when we were not in a relationship (I know this isn't going to happen, but who knows what lies ahead). Oh lord! I just want to focus on myself and forget what had happened and I want to transform myself that I had never thought of. A girl with a dignified job, a lady with ease and intention, having a simple wardrobe, with beautiful statement, maintaining good posture, a graceful, generous and thoughtful lady.

I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 4.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 5

So its 5th day of no contact is coming to an end. He was in my mind throughout the day, my mind was imaging hell lots of things but the intensity was low. I didn't have a productive day today. I was feeling so tired and exhausted that I realised I am having fever and I took medicine and dozed off in the afternoon and then the same thing he came in my dream again. I didn't like it at all. But it didn't affect me much may be because when I woke up the weather was way too awesome and chilled. It moderately rained here. But I regret I didn't make the best out of my day despite the fact I have an exam day after tomorrow.

Anyway, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 5.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 6

Aah! Right now I am on my way to another state. I have an exam tomorrow, although I haven't prepared for it. He was/is in my mind I saw him online today. And I felt a pinch in my heart. But I am seeing the intensity of emotions are day by day scaling down. I had talked to one of my friends a couple of hours ago. I felt quite good, but then I sort of all of a sudden decided to hold the talks. I don't want to indulge myself into frequent talks with any guy. Even a guy friend seems mysterious to me. Sigh! God knows! Anyway, I hope I end up doing well in my tomorrow's exam. My presence of mind and reasoning hopefully work better, this exam is very important to me. Good luck to me.

I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 6.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 7

I had missed him today as well, but I am feeling the intensity of missing him gradually scaling lower and lower. I was able to focus on my exam today. I was scared of what if I had blown off my this exam as well like my earlier exams. The intensity of the break up was that bad that I have had failed to manage my professional and personal life.

The more I am moving ahead the more I am getting determined to focus on my myself and my career growth.

I had enjoyed a lot today. My journey back to home from exam centre was freaking awesome. It's raining continuously here since morning.

Weird thing is I had talked about him to my girlfriends today and I sort of feeling relaxed. Anyway, after appearing for today's exam I have realised that there are many grey areas that I need to work upon extensively. Right now all I am seeking for is my own bed and space my friend and I haven't slept since last night and we're now both dealing with severe headache plus we're so very hungry.

Sigh! Anyhow, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 7.

[boltnrun]

Question for you...how can you see he's online?

[Elavohra]

Question for you...how can you see he's online?

 

He's in my WhatsApp contact, and pretty weird, I by mistake tapped on his contact while I had to send message to the person who's just below his name. *I stumbled upon*

[boltnrun]

He's in my WhatsApp contact, and pretty weird, I by mistake tapped on his contact while I had to send message to the person who's just below his name. *I stumbled upon*

 

How about deleting him from WhatsApp? If you're doing no contact, deleting him as a connection or contact is vital.

[Elavohra]

How about deleting him from WhatsApp? If you're doing no contact, deleting him as a connection or contact is vital.

 

You know what, yes, it's been a week I didn't contact him. But I feel he'll forget me forever. My mind still dwells. It's just deleting his contact seems so tough to me.

[boltnrun]

You know what, yes, it's been a week I didn't contact him. But I feel he'll forget me forever. My mind still dwells. It's just deleting his contact seems so tough to me.

 

By "tough" do you mean difficult to do physically? Or do you mean you're afraid he'll think badly of you?

[Elavohra]

By "tough" do you mean difficult to do physically? Or do you mean you're afraid he'll think badly of you?

Difficult to do physically.

He already thinks bad of me. So it doesn't matter. Does it? I can't change his opinions now.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 8

Today, I missed him terribly, I don't know why? I feel as if I have lost a quality man from my life. I know I have had committed mistakes, but I did genuinely apologise to him. He knows I love him a lot, he knew even if I had said leave me, I didn't want him to leave me. He knew everything. Perhaps, it was destined to be so, but I do miss him genuinely. I don't know now whether we'll ever talk. I seriously want to forget him and focus on my career and improve myself. This relationship had taught me that I have got a hell lot of bad qualities and the more I push myself to move on the more things are getting challenging.

Hope this phase of my life end up making me a quality person.

Anyway, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 8.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 9

The more I am drifting away from him, the more I am getting back to my life. I don't know why all of a sudden I felt the urge or say coming to my senses that I am getting least bother about him that I am beginning to accept the fact that things are totally over, and since my love is being rejected I feel we should now never ever contact each other, but I feel he'll one day. Anyway, I feel down the line it was a waste of time. Today, I don't know why I wanted to show the gratitude to god for being hit by the break up, for being dumped that I have now got an opportunity to work upon my negative areas. Hopefully one day (actually, at the soonest) I turn into a quality person.

Today, I had called my post graduate batchmate after two years and both of us were thrilled to hear each other and not only that my health is also beginning to show some improvements and I had gone for a long walk today (4.24 km). But I didn't study much, my today's tasks are now piled up for tomorrow. I am thinking of getting up early tomorrow so that I'll have ample time throughout the day to finish off my tasks for both today's and tomorrow's.

Anyway, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 9.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 10

I really miss him at times, like today. I feel that I deserved a second chance, how can somebody lose interest in someone because of their imperfections or negative qualities all of a sudden, on the other hand you were all good/fine with their imperfections and flaws. Nevertheless, I hope and wish, he'll call me one day.

Anyway, today I had made my day futile, I didn't do anything productive, nothing productive at all. I had talked so much today, that I have ended up disappointing myself for the whole damn day. It's been almost four days since I haven't slept properly. I am way too sluggish these days, and every day things are getting piled up for me. I am not at all working towards my goals. My words and actions are totally in opposite directions. F***! I am way too irritated for not taking any appropriate actions for myself and for my goals. Damn it!

But still, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 10.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 11

Nowadays, I don't mind him being in my thoughts all the time. I am more concern about improving myself and focusing on my career. I think I must be thankful for the break up because it's giving me the chance to know the real me. I guess being rejected is a blessing in disguise. But, still it pains. However, I had studied a little today. I don't know why I am good at wasting my time, in spite of knowing the fact that I got to study a lot in order to crack my exam. I had gone out for eating in the evening and now I think I must stop eating rubbish.

Fact is, I am way too lethargic these days, I sleep a lot, eat a lot, not doing exercise, I don't study extensively. Damn! I just realised I am not doing anything for my own progress. Why Elavohra, why?

Nevertheless, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 11.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 12

Today I had the urge to call him and listen to his voice, I was missing him terribly. Pretty weird how you can't talk to the person even when he's alive and fit as a fiddle. May be it's my karma, I'll definitely learn something out of it.

I was tense today, I am really worried about my exams. My efficiency is way too low to understand and do things these days. This indeed sucks a lot. I really want someone to guide me and help me to study. I know I shouldn't be dependent, but I don't have zeal to do anything now. On the one hand, I want to improve and be productive and on the other I do nothing really NOTHING at all. God, please help me out.

Anyway, I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 12.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 13

I missed him again so much and I wanted to contact him. My day was slow and unhealthy. I studied quite a lot more than the previous days. It rained all day long today here. I seriously don't want to look back, but deep inside my heart aches to hear his voice, but it stings what our post break talks were. Sucks, the way he had talked to me. Thinks I am a fool who didn't understand anything. Anyway, I am still thankful to god for allowing me go through this phase. I am looking forward to what I shall end up learning while gradually stepping out from this emotional traumatic mess.

And again, this is why I am glad I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 13.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 14

It's been only fourteen days since we had talked to each other, but it seems like ages. He always stays in my mind and heart and at times I get the urge to break the no contact, but I know if I break it, I would end up hurting myself again, I always keep in mind that this no contact is for my peace of mind and sanity. Although, I still can't believe that I would encounter such a thing where the person would get irritated, would feel tacky to see and hear you. I feel bad. Anyway, I need to, in fact, I have to learn from my mistakes. I don't know whether we would ever talk again, however, I would love to talk to him in the future and before that I hope I will be all new, conquering the world. Oh! Speaking of, I didn't study today at all I was so busy wasting my time that I forgot, that to become better person and to conquer the things I need to study and work upon myself extensively. Bit** I am. Grr!

Nevertheless, I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 14.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 15

I so very much missed him today. I was way too weak deep inside and my heart was aching like hell. I really want to quit all the bad habits and qualities so that I become a better person for mother nature and for myself. In the evening I was googling for how to move on, will dumpers miss their ex, does break up change the person and all sorts of crappy things. Then I convinced myself for not feeling low since he's already living his life happily plus he's a job and he's so very amazing person both inside out, he'll get his desired girl. But, what about you elavohra? Get up and work upon yourself now it's your life. Work hard for your living. Crack the bloody exams, get a handsome job, work on your fitness. Make your rest of the today productive and then I got up, changed my dress and went for jogging for an hour, then I came back home, talked to one of my friends over the phone, then I studied, planned tomorrow's day. Wrote down tomorrow's errands and targets to be achieved.

I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 15.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 16

I am beginning to accept the reality. Yes, things are completely over now. Nothing is left, he and I are now just an acquaintance. Anyway, I must focus on my exams now. Personal growth is necessary. Since, this was also one of the reasons for rejection, hence it is now way too primitive. However, my Mommy and I are going to my mommy's home. The last time when I had gone, I didn't enjoy living there. I was mentally so very distracted because of break up and this time I have decided to live the each and every moment out there because they're the very people who love me more than their lives. Blessed I am.

And this is why, again, I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 16.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 17

I am so very tired to write anything. Today I read an article on how to move on and forget the past mistakes on Wikihow. It helped me change my thinking related to the mistakes I have done being in a relationship and post break up.

Sigh! I just want to get rid of the guilt, the regrets, the sadness, the hurt of hurting him. Perhaps, moving on is the amendments of my mistake. Perhaps never looking back and calling him, will be my amendments. Perhaps getting out of his life forever is the rectification of my sins.

Anyway, I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 17.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 18

Today I had talked to each and every guest, and I was thrilled realising that my family and relatives still treats me like a real gem and I am such an ass, unnecessarily beating up myself for being dumped. In fact, even he would have been shocked seeing how my family and relative likes me to be around them and likes to talk to me and hear my voice. I am so very blessed. Yes, I'll be soon the best of the best.

Tomorrow I shall be leaving for my home and I am happy and proud of myself that this time I didn't let my emotions or thoughts took a toll on me rather I mingled with my relatives and enjoyed talking to them. I wish, I'll make them proud of me at the soonest.

Oh yeah! I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 18.

[Elavohra]

NO CONTACT DAY 19

Like the passing days he was still hovering in my mind, at times it hinders my daily activity and sometimes not. But, it seems every day is the victory and every day my hope for talking to him in the future gradually fading away.

I am going back to my home now, it's freaking hot and humid right now. I want to take a bath but can't, I am just waiting for the next morning and get back on the track soon. I have many topics piled for me to study.

And again, I am glad, I made the successful NO CONTACT DAY 19.