Drifting apart

[Reaper59]

Hi.

I'm new to these things as I've never posted anything like this before but I really could do with some advice.

 

Me and my Fiancée (got engaged in the middle of last year) have been together for 7 years. Last year I finally moved in with her and her dad. I gave up my job as I had no way of getting there on time in the morning and seeing my friends on a regular basis which none of them bothered me by the way, I was just happy to be finally living with the love of my life.

 

About 2 months ago we got a mortgage and our own home (Dad is living with my girlfriend's sister) and to start of with it was great.

 

Problem started (and I do believe it's all my fault) about a month and a half ago. It took me about 6 months to get another job. But before I got this job we had an argument and my Fiancée had a go at me saying I wasn't even trying to get a job. That I wasn't pulling my weight enough. She said she doesn't even feel that she loves me anymore. Don't get me wrong I wasn't a scrounger. I never asked her for money and I always payed my way and helped with bills from the money I saved up over with the years.

 

Now about a week after that argument I got a job, not great pay but steady money coming in. But she still seems distant with me. We talk and chat but nothing else. We don't kiss or cuddle anymore and when we are in bed she says goodnight then turns her back on me and goes to sleep. No hugging up, no kisses goodnight like we use to. I asked her if she still wants me and she said she needs time to think about it. That was a month ago and it's still the same to this day.

 

I just don't know what to do, I love her with all my heart, I really do not want to give up on this relationship and throw everything we have and our past away. But I feel so depressed. I'm on antidepressants. I admit a few weeks ago I even toyed with the idea of suicide but I got passed that. In the end I realised I don't care about how much this is hurting and affecting me as long as we stay together but how long can this go on for. I have no idea on what to do. And is all this upsetting her (she doesn't show it if it is) because even though how much I love her the last thing I want is for her to remain upset and unhappy because of me.

 

Is what I did really that bad, bad enough to give up on a 7 year relationship and an engagement.

 

Thanks for any replies and advice.

[Jeetsun]

Hopefully you keep contending with your depression. As for the relationship itself, it doesn't sound good. I don't know if its anyone's fault. Bad things happen, you lost you job and she lost confidence in you/ she sees you differently now. It might not even be related to the job loss, that could very well be an excuse, but that's only speculation.

 

The actions she's displaying are usually the tell-tale signs that the connection is gone. It's best to confront her on this to get some concrete answers. The cold shoulder will only create more of a rift and resentment between both of you and if she continues it would really be in your best interest to leave, otherwise it will make your depression worse. It's tough to break from someone you have a history with, but its worse to stay with someone who no longer shows you love and compassion.

[Tomthumb88]

Your relationship is clearly going South but I don't think you need to give up and start accepting that it's over. You've been with her for years, at least try to fix it!

First.. talk to her. Ask what's wrong and listen to the answer. Next do some research on relationships and try to improve

[Tomthumb88]

[cristina88]

Hey Reaper,

 

Sorry to hear you are going through this, it's a tough place to be in. I am experiencing similarities to your situation (lost my job a month ago) and going through depression as well and definitely had thoughts about stuff I shouldn't be thinking about it. Have you tried seeing a therapist/counsellor for couples? I tried this with my bf and thinking about trying again very soon. I know its expensive but going one time can help or try free counselling. Also, I know this may sound crazy but could she be pregnant... buy her a test.

[Reaper59]

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

I've had a talk with her and she said she wants to try and work it all out, we'll both try harder. So we'll see where it goes. It's a hard time at the moment but I really don't want us to lose what we have (had) and I think deep down she doesn't either.

Also Cristina88, she's not pregnant, I'm certain of that much ha ha.

[Knight2001]

good luck, i hope it works out for you both. if it doesnt don't hesitate to come back to your friends here.